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Mini-Movie Reviews


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Yes, I know Baytor already does this in a much more detailed manner. Yes, I know I'm a n00b here at Hondo's and I'm adding to the clutter. Yes, I know there's another thread for this sort of thing. But damnit, my genius thoughts of, um, genius were being ignored and stifled there! It needs its own thread in which to grow and spread and blossom. I'm only being slightly sarcastic and marginally self-deprecating here, people.

 

Plus my reviews are bite-sized (like my attention span) and have nifty letter grades. Huzzah!

 

I rate films differently than some other reviewers. I'm a notoriously stingy bastard when it comes to my time and my money, so I tend to rate my movie watching experience in relation to those two main factors. The grading rubric is as follows:

 

A+ = It's a classic; something I'll watch repeatedly; a shinning example of its genre. Examples of some A+ films for me are Silence of the Lambs, Godfather I & II, Toy Story, Fight Club, Shawshank Redemption, and the original Star Wars Trilogy (Episodes 4-6).

 

A or A- = something I highly recommend seeing in theaters, and I will also probably want to own on DVD.

 

B+ = Definitely worth a night at the theater and has a high re-watchability factor.

 

B = Worth a night at the theater; I'd also likely rent it on DVD.

 

B- = OK, not the best, but I don't feel cheated having seen it in a theater. I'll probably rent it if my 1st choice is not available at the vid store in 4 months.

 

C+ = It's definitely a rental, maybe even worth catching again on a bored and lonely night if nothing else is on the TV.

 

C = It had its good moments, but they were few & far between. I've no real desire to watch it again.

 

C- = I could barley hang in there through the whole flick. I got up and went to the bathroom or surfed the Net while it was on, but it had that one good scene/performance that saved it from making me feel completely cheated out of my time.

 

D+ = Worthless, but it had a hot chick in it.

 

D = I have to pretend to not completely hate it b/c my girlfriend liked it.

 

D- = I was willing to gouge out an eye to make it stop.

 

F = God hates me for letting me be dumb enough to watch this movie.

 

 

And here we...go!

 

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Man On Wire

A

This is a documentary about highwire artist Philippe Petit and his many extraordinary stunts he pulled off in the early 1970s leading up to his “dream” of walking a wire between the WTC Twin Towers. Petit and the band of men and women he managed to convince to help him pull off his stunts tell their story with such passion and enthusiasm the director almost doesn’t need to use actors to recreate the scenes leading up to that day in New York in 1974. It’s an engaging tale about wonder, beauty, and art that makes you feel proud to be human; a film that leaves you wanting more.

 

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My Winnipeg

C+

This is another documentary, but unlike Man On Wire it doesn’t tell a tale of grand dreams, but of simple introspection. The director calls it a “docu-fantasia” and uses a lot of creative gimmicks (having his mother play herself in reenactments, shooting in black and white, narrating and cutting the entire documentary like an arthouse film) that are interesting in their concept yet ultimately fail to engage or entertain for the entire length of a film.

 

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Happy-Go-Lucky

A-

Actress Sally Hawkins is getting a lot of attention (and a Golden Globe award) for her starring role as the relentlessly cheerful character Poppy. It’s a comedy and character study filled with people you just want to watch. The film is about happiness, the search for it, how we try to maintain it, and the absence of it. And while it doesn’t have much of a plot and meanders (in an enjoyable way) there is a big payoff when the film culminates in a revealing scene between Poppy & her driving instructor Scott.

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Don't worry, more people will probably read yours :wank:

Not to sound like I wanna start hugging and singing kumbaya, but I read yours! I read your YES MAN & SPIRIT reviews. I think you're a much more forgiving reviewer than I am. I post these reviews on another forumz & a blog as well, and usually my grades aren't as high as they were for this batch. Although in the 3 yrs. I've been doing this I don't think I can recall ever giving a film an F...I've had lots of Ds though.

 

You still haven't watched Son of Ranbow. Which is why I am ignoring all of your reviews. So nyah.

I so knew you were gonna bring that up. Seriously, is the movie THAT fucking good?!?!? Right now I'm on episode 5 of True Blood (it's ok) and I'm taking the gf to see Slumdog Millionaire tomorrow, so it'll be a while before I get to any new films...

 

I saw a review of this a few weeks ago and I'm glad to see more positive reviews. Is this out on DVD now, or in theaters?

It's NOT on DVD in the US yet. I think it comes out in March according to Amazon. However, it IS on teh Internets. :FHD:

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Taken

B+

 

The most succinct way to describe this Luc Besson scripted revenge flick starring Liam Neeson is to picture what would happen if Jason Bourne retired and had his daughter kidnapped in Paris. However, this film is a revenge film and not a spy thriller, so don't go looking for any heavy character development or government mysteries. Nor does this film have a Bourne-sized budget, and some of the "bigger" action scenes suffer for it.

 

What this film does have is Liam Neeson as a one man dispenser of asskickery who pistolwhips and throat chops more bad guys in one scene than Damon did in all the Bourne films combined. Maggie Grace (Remember her from seasons 1 & 2 of LOST?) does an amicable job as the daughter in distress, but the main attraction for action fans is seeing in what way Neeson's PO'd poppa is going to exact his brand of justice next.

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That was two days ago. Did you like it or not, or did you not see it?

Yeah, I actually saw it a few weeks ago and posted a review in another thread, but she hadn't seen it so I went a 2nd time. Buuuuut, just for you dude:

 

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Slumdog Millionaire

A

Unsettling. Uplifting. Original. The story follows a Muslim boy growing up in the slums of Bombay (now Mumbai) and his journey to freedom. The closest film I can think of that made me feel the way this film did is Shawshank Redemption.

 

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Gran Torinio

A-

Clint Eastwood delivers another memorable screen character as Korean War Vet Walt Kowalski—a man who lets out more politically incorrect humor on his own than Black, Stiller, & Downey combined did in Tropic Thunder. You can definitely compare this to Eastwood's other Oscar winning low budget film about a faithless man mentoring a misfit--Million Dollar Baby. However, I found Gran Torino reminded me of a more somber and violent version of Karate Kid—characters from American & Asian cultures (here the other being Mhong) learn important lessons on life they couldn’t or wouldn’t learn from their own culture.

 

 

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Let The Right One In

A-

If Terrance Mallick was Swedish and decided to make a vampire/suspense movie starring two tweens it might’ve come out like this film. It’s quiet and slow paced yet never tedious. The cinematography & directing are both beautiful and unsettling, and the performances by the two child leads are compelling throughout.

 

 

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Bangkok Dangerous

C-

Nicolas Cage as a hitman who grows a conscious in Thailand. The directors (The Pang Brothers) desperately want to be the next Jon Woos, and action is OK, but the film had a seriously weak ending.

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Appaloosa

C-

Ed Harris directed this beautifully shot western that has one ridiculous plot turn after another. You get the feeling he was going for an old Hollywood type of Western film, but it just doesn't cut it in so many ways. For example, Viggo Mortensen's character was supposed to be this badass gunfighter but the film never has any badass gunfights. If you're craving a modern Western I suggest watching any two episodes of the HBO series Deadwood rather than wasting 2 hrs of your life with this film.

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In Theaters:

 

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Frost/Nixon

B

Frank Langella’s performance gives scope and dimension to Nixon. The film focuses mainly on the sadness and loneliness of the man but also showcases his intellect, political prowess, and greed. And it is aptly titled as the film also paints an interesting character portrait of David Frost through the context of these career changing interviews.

 

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New In Town

C

As far as fluff filled rom-coms go this one was watchable. The film stars Harry Connick Jr. & Renee Z. and extols the virtues of small town life and Middle America while getting most of its punch lines from (playfully) mocking the people that hold those same virtues dear.

 

On DVD:

 

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Forbidden Kingdom

B-

It’s The Last Action Hero for kung-fu films. If you didn’t like that film then you’ll probably hate this one as its half in Mandarin and the plot is a less engaging. However, anyone who is a 12-yr-old fan of kung-fu films (or one at heart) should find this film an enjoyable enough rental.

 

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Rock-N-Rolla

B+

Guy Ritchie goes back to what made him famous with Lock, Stock, & Two Smoking Barrels. And like that film, this film balances laughs and violence with plot twists that center around a stolen antique, a group of small time London crooks in debt to a bigger crook, and characters with some major father/son issues.

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Vicky Cristina Barcelona

B-

I had a hard time deciding if I liked this film or not. It’s definitely not a typical rom-com. If you can get around the whole pretentious, wealthy, educated and listless New Yorker aspect of the characters they are mostly intriguing as are the plot’s love triangles. However, there’s no real resolution to the film’s take on love and you do end up questioning what exactly this film is about. Perhaps that there are no real answers (or is it no “easy” answers?) is part of the film’s charm.

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Rock-N-Rolla

B+

Guy Ritchie goes back to what made him famous with Lock, Stock, & Two Smoking Barrels. And like that film, this film balances laughs and violence with plot twists that center around a stolen antique, a group of small time London crooks in debt to a bigger crook, and characters with some major father/son issues.

 

YES! I loved this one all the way. Tons of hot guys too. heh.

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The International

D+

Director Tom Tykwer has come a long way since Run Lola Run, unfortunately it’s been in a downward spiral. The International has some great cinematography in beautiful locations and a stunning action sequence in New York’s Guggenheim Museum, but it lacks momentum, engaging characters, and most importantly for an action thriller—an interesting plot.

 

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Yes Man

B-

The premise is weak, but Jim Carrey delivers his same over-the-top brand of slapstick and he brings the funny more often than not in this un-edgy comedy. Ditto for Zoey Deschanel and her doe-eyed eccentric charm as a Vespa driving indie-rocker (not too much of an artistic stretch there for Zoey).

 

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Chocolat

B-

OK, so I’m late to the party with this sweetly sentimental and predictable romantic comedy from back in 2000. The French accents were terrible, but it definitely made me want to visit a chocolate store. Oh, and for the geeks it has Trinity, Doc Ock, and Sydney’s mom from the show ALIAS.

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Role Models

C+

Don’t you hate it when all the best lines of a comedy are in the trailer? Such is the case with this “buddy” comedy written by & starring Paul Rudd & various members of the 90s comedy sketch troupe The State. Despite Rudd phoning in his performance and some tiresome by the numbers directing & storytelling, this film did deliver its fair share of laugh-out-loud moments courtesy of a foul-mouthed kid and some heavy handed geek bashing.

 

 

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Choke

C+

Sam Rockwell delivers a solid performance in a film that makes an admirable attempt at condensing the sex addicted, delusional messianic, self-loathing life of the novel’s con-artist slash colonial interpreter protagonist. However, the central theme of the novel is reduced to voiceovers and one throw-away scene rather than fleshed out in the film itself. One can’t help but wonder how the film would’ve turned out had it been in the hands of a more capable writer and director.

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Outlander

B

Beowulf with a sci-fi twist. The Grendel monster design was unique and looked great on screen. The CGI was a bit weak in some scenes and Ron Perlman was sorely underused, but overall it was a well paced and entertaining take on the English language’s oldest adventure tale.

 

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Sex Drive [unrated]

B-

As the filmmakers point out in their tongue-in-cheek intro, this unrated version is more about making guys laugh and/or grossed out than any real plot. Gratuitous shots of naked women were added in random scenes and there’s even a few full frontal males thrown in for the ladies (or dudes into dudes…). They also incorporate adlibs and various alternate takes into the actual film rather than put them on the DVD as stand-alone “bonus features.” Sex Drive Unrated goes into familiar waters with it's subject matter and attempts at crude humor, but it separates itself from the other “teen seeking to lose his virginity” comedies and made for a truly “unrated” comedy experience.

 

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The Day The Earth Stood Still [2008]

C-

I’ve yet to see the original sci-fi film this one was based on, but it is hard to imagine it could be any worse than this snooze fest. The film’s pacing is tedious, the plot holes are gaping, and the main characters are annoying. (If you don’t hate Wil Smith’s son Jaden, you will by the end of this film.)

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Choke

C+

Sam Rockwell delivers a solid performance in a film that makes an admirable attempt at condensing the sex addicted, delusional messianic, self-loathing life of the novel's con-artist slash colonial interpreter protagonist. However, the central theme of the novel is reduced to voiceovers and one throw-away scene rather than fleshed out in the film itself. One can't help but wonder how the film would've turned out had it been in the hands of a more capable writer and director.

 

 

Agreed. After the cult like following that Chuck gathered from the Fight Club movie you'd think they'd have given this project more thought, it wasn't awful...it just didn't really capture the book either.

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The Day The Earth Stood Still [2008]

C-

I’ve yet to see the original sci-fi film this one was based on, but it is hard to imagine it could be any worse than this snooze fest. The film’s pacing is tedious, the plot holes are gaping, and the main characters are annoying. (If you don’t hate Wil Smith’s son Jaden, you will by the end of this film.)

 

Pick up the original some time, it truly is a great movie and not just for its time. The special effects are beyond primitive but I assure you that a man in a giant styrofoam robot suit has never seemed so badass. The plot is solid and not the same eco bullshit that Keanu preaches as his version of Klattu.

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Watchmen

A-

This film based on the acclaimed comic book by Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons is set in a world slightly skewed from our own. What if superheroes had existed since the early 20th century? How would that skew our own history—the Vietnam War for instance? The bulk of Watchmen is set in the 1980s. The USA & Russia are on the brink of nuclear war. Superheroes were outlawed during President Nixon’s 3rd term in office and now someone is killing off the retired heroes. The film uses flashbacks to give history on each of the Watchmen and they are all certainly interesting. Purists will likely have complaints about deviations from the source material, but they should be few as Wathcmen has to be one of the most faithful adaptations of a comic book ever realized on screen. My biggest problem with the film is the same problem I had with the comic book—the ending. Watchmen is a well paced, violent, adult (male and female nudity is prominent), comic book film that uses extraordinary characters and situations to explore the most basic aspects of humanity.

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  • 2 weeks later...

In Theaters

 

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Duplicity

B-

I loved all 3 Ocean’s films; I love caper films. Duplicity does have a caper and a few interesting twists, but the film lacks the whimsical energy I loved so much in the Ocean’s trilogy. It’s more of a meditation on how can two people who lie for a living learn to trust or truly love someone. And the best part about a caper flick is the payoff at the end. This caper ends with more of a fizzle than a bang. Clive Owen & Julia Roberts are fun to watch on screen and Paul Giamatti makes a memorable appearance playing the CEO you love to hate. File this clunky caper under: valiant effort.

 

On DVD:

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The Last Dragon

B+

Apparently this film is an 80s cult favorite, but my girlfriend only just introduced me to it this weekend. This is the tongue-in-cheek tale of Leroy Greene (aka Bruce Leroy) as he searches for “the glow” and his battle against his arch nemesis Sho’nuff (aka the Shogun of Harlem). What the film’s fight scenes lack in choreography it more than makes up for in its many laugh out loud moments. File under so bad it’s classic.

Edited by Mr. Hakujin
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  • 2 weeks later...

DVD cornucopia:

 

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10,000 BC

C

Think Dances With Wolves meets Star Gate meets Apocalypto. But unlike any of those three films this tale of a mammoth hunter’s journey to rescue his one true love doesn’t have their action, drama, or engaging characters.

 

 

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How To Lose Friends & Alienate People

C-

How does Simon Pegg follow up his role in the crap film Run Fatboy Run? With an equally crap role in this film! At least he’s being consistent. Simon, The 90s punk-ska band Reel Big Fish called and dedicated their song “Sell Out” to you. They also said when you’re done with Star Trek go back to making films with the fat guy from Shaun of the Dead.

 

 

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Ladyhawke

B-

My girlfriend recently filled in some gaps of my 1980s “classic” film knowledge, so I repaid the favor. As a kid I remember loving this film because it had an awesome battle with knights at the end and the Bishop was the bad guy (which at the time blew my mind because I was a by the book Catholic schoolboy). I’ll be honest, after Peter Jackson and others re-invented the look and scale of the fantasy genre on film over the past ten years, Ladyhawke doesn’t hold up as well as it did through my rose-colored glasses of nostalgia. However, any fan of the 80s and/or fantasy films, should get a kick out of the awesomely cheesy 80s score by The Alan Parson’s Project, Matthew Broderick’s performance as basically Ferris Bueller in medieval France, Rutger Hauer as a kick ass black knight, and the unbelievably gorgeous Michelle Pfeiffer as the titular character.

 

 

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Punisher: War Zone

C

I think the best compliment I can pay this third attempt at a film based on the death dealing Marvel vigilante is: it wasn’t as bad as I expected. Thin on plot and even thinner on characterization, this film did have a lot of people being killed, sorry, “punished” in a lot of different ways. If that sort of film violence is your thing then this film is likely worth a look. Oh, and Wayne Knight as Microchip was a nice (if not underused) touch for us comic geeks.

 

 

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Redbelt

B

This film feels like writer & director David Mamet took a jiu-jitsu class and decided to make a movie about it. Heavy on the philosophy behind the fighting style, the film attempts to examine the difference between being a jiu-jitsu fighter and a jiu-jitsu competitor. The film has a great cast and an interesting viewpoint on the popular world of mixed martial arts fighting; however, it gets weak in the third act and ends in a great scene yet it somehow left me feeling shortchanged on resolutions to some key plot points.

 

 

 

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The Rocker

C

Drummer Dwight Shrute, um, I mean Rainn Wilson, becomes the Pete Best of 1980s metal when he's kicked out of his band right before they blow up into the world’s biggest band. Twenty years later he helps his nephew’s emo band break big through the contradictory nature of his childish behavior yet sage-like guidance. A disappointingly mediocre comedy.

 

 

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Valkyrie

B-

Hitler was one tough bastard to kill, just ask Tom Cruise. The suspense was good but a bit uneven, thus making for some lulls. Also, the trailer misled me in to believing the film would have more action. Director Bryan Singer is straightforward in his style and while this film isn’t exceptional, it certainly is admirable in its effort at drawing attention to these men and their historical attempt.

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I Love You, Man

B+

Don’t let the title fool you, this is a very couple-friendly film and at its core it is essentially about relationships in general and not just those Platonic bonds formed between men. The last scene is a bit of a chore to sit through since you know how it’s all going to turn out and the film is HEAVY on the Rush music, but it has a plethora of great characters that deliver solid laughs throughout the film.

 

 

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Big Stan

C+

The film went straight to DVD, but don’t let that dissuade you because Big Stan does have some memorable comedic moments. The premise is a real estate con-man gets caught and learns kung-fu so as to not get ass-raped in prison. I almost gave it a higher grade, but unfortunately it falls apart in the third act and really needed better choreographed fight scenes. However, it delivers plenty of solid scenes and is definitely worth a look as a rental.

 

 

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Bedtime Stories

C

Adam Sandler does a family comedy for Disney. Plot holes and predictable scene outcomes can be forgiven, but the lack of actual comedy in this family comedy makes it easily skipable for anyone over the age of 10.

 

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Bolt

B

I love the premise: a TV dog in the dark he’s on a TV show and must go cross-country to get back “home.” However, the film relies on action and “special effects” a bit too much, which is kinda lame in an all CGI animated film. It just didn’t translate. I can’t help but wonder how the film would’ve turned out if it had been put entirely in Pixar’s hands.

 

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Young Frankenstein

A-

When the parody of a classic becomes a classic itself you know it has to be good. To truly appreciate all of the setups one should really see the original Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein starring Boris Karloff. The single disc DVD is an excellent print & surprisingly full of extras. The comedy may be a bit corny by today’s standards and there is some sexual humor, but it’s all double entendre and innuendo—not nearly as racy or vulgar as some of Brooks’ other films. Wilder & Brooks’ love for the source material shows in every frame and even the hardest cynics will find themselves swept away into this zany world of the young “Fronk-en-steen.”

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Bedtime Stories

C

Adam Sandler does a family comedy for Disney. Plot holes and predictable scene outcomes can be forgiven, but the lack of actual comedy in this family comedy makes it easily skipable for anyone over the age of 10.

 

 

man, i can't believe he turned down inglorious basterds for that shit. it's shameful.

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In Theaters:

 

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Observe and Report

C+

Writer/director Jody Hill seems to be able to write one character fairly well: the delusional, socially inappropriate, male misfit. He did it for a judo instructor in his debut film Foot Fist Way, for a washed up MLB pitcher in the HBO series East Bound & Down, and now as the bizarro-Paul Blart in this new film starring Seth Rogen. As someone who’s enjoyed Hill’s previous work I was disappointed with this film and its reliance on formulaic film contrivances (lame montages, trite one dimensional love interests), and the strip mining of his previous work for this film, which left me with a “been there, seen that” feeling.

 

ON DVD:

 

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Downfall

A

This is a gripping and unflinching look into the last days and hours of the Third Reich based on several books—including one by Hitler’s personal secretary, Traudl Junge, who stayed with him in the bunker in Berlin up until the Russian overthrow of the city. The film focuses on Hitler and his followers as real people who had real beliefs and ideals. It doesn’t attempt to excuse the actions of these Nazis, but it does do an excellent job of helping explain some of their motives. The direction and performances were stunning and only lend to the film’s hauntingly authentic tone. This film is a must have for any WWII film buff’s library.

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