Jump to content
Hondo's Bar

Cliques @ Hondo's & newer members feeling left out


hondos & member cliques  

33 members have voted

You do not have permission to vote in this poll, or see the poll results. Please sign in or register to vote in this poll.

Recommended Posts

It was my birthday yesterday and I didn't get a single birthday wish from any Hondonian, here or anywhere really. I tried to pretend it didn't hurt my feelings (I know people can be distracted, etc.), but honestly, it really did hurt. I have really tried to fit in here, I've tried to befriend Hondonians even off the site, I've supported their endeavors, even hosted them in my home. But I've never really felt like I fit in here. And yesterday felt like the nail in the coffin for me.

 

I mean, I've seen you guys revive birthday threads for people who haven't posted in months (like bishop) or YEARS (like amynicole). I think I've literally logged into this bitch every day for the last three years and I don't even have a birthday thread. That's fine, I know not everyone does, but they at least get a shoutbox mention or something. I don't think I've gotten a single well wish in all the time I've been here.

 

I feel so fucking stupid and petty for bringing it up, but damn. It really did sting. The purpose of this post isn't looking for validations, or apologies, or anyone telling me to stay around. I guess it's just to say that I wanted really badly to feel a sense of community here and make some friends. But I think it's time for me to move on.  

Edited by Donatella
  • Sad 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 125
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

I never even realised this was a thing. I always assumed people had their social groups outside the board and were most likely to talk amongst themselves. No surprises there. I would always beeline st

I generally stick to the 'entertainment' stuff on here...I guess the 'penis' oriented stuff.  I'm more passionate about that stuff than I am about politics or religion...or sjw stuff.  (shrugs) that's

Awww - hey!  I wasn't on yesterday - but, if I knew it was ur birfday - I totally would've wished you a 'Happy Mutation Day!'  Pretty sure I wished you one last year - I should get points for that!  ;)

 

If you makes you feel any better - no one has ever wished me a Happy Birthday on here.  I'm taking notes, people!

 

I'm normally on here at least once a day, too - been super insanely distracted these past 2 months.

 

Got a gig as a performer at the Puppet Museum over here - rubbing elbows (literally) w/ freakin' LEGENDS!  Been absorbed in rehearsing n' building...all hours of the day / night.  I just like, hang out there - all the time now - LOL  Got my first show in May.  Super puuuumped!  I'm just now getting back into 'settled' and getting comfty enough to get back into the Hondo zone...of opine-ing!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Man I ❤️ you guys. 

 

I dont think it is wrong to feel hurt by that. I truly see you guys as an integral part of the board now. I enjoy your posts, you both bring life to the place, and just seem like genuinely good people. I'm not gonna go and just be like "aw happy birthday" and think thats cool. Cause then it's just a pity birthday wish, and isn't the same. (I mean, happy birthday, yes... But still!)

 

I don't think it's petty or stupid to bring it up though. For such a small community I think we should take time to celebarate individual members more often. Ones that actually post. Makes me wanna revive the pics I gone and done thread or make something similar. Rambling now, but yeah. Y'all are great, I really hope you don't get too discouraged with these things. The feelings are valid though. Especially for here causs this isn't some mega forum that was made for cliques. Hondo's should BE the clique.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I can understand why you felt hurt by that. It's often little things like this that help someone feel like they belong (or sadly not). I know you're not looking for excuses, but this is total honesty, I'm fucking lazy. I saw on facebook that it was your birthday and thought "Oh I wonder where Donny and Nick are going to go for her birthday, hope it's somewhere nice".

 

As you can see from my facebook page I don't post a lot/share things in general, and I only sometimes wish people happy birthday, even my family don't always get online birthday wishes. I think it stems from (besides the laziness) that I find it kind of annoying on my birthday that all these notifications are blowing my phone up, and it's a chore to me to thumbs up/reply to them all. 

 

All that said, from reading your post, it seems that this is the straw that broke the camel's back rather than the primary concern. This thread is a testament to this being an issue on Hondo's for a long time, and is something that we obviously have never been able to rectify. All I can say to that is that you (and Nemo) are valued members of Hondo's and would be very much missed if you do decide to leave.  

Link to post
Share on other sites

yeah, i don't know that she'll be back anytime soon, but it was kinda an ongoing thing - i'd chalk it up to people talking/reacting to posts from people they knew better (or the fact that arguments tend to get more replies than agreeable ones), but on more than one occasion, she'd remark that she felt silly here, because people didn't really interact with her for the most part. 

 

honestly, i dig the membership drive initiatives, but hondo's is/has been a small bar, and we've had an awful lot of people come & go.  if we don't think about how we engage people, they're not gonna stay - not for interviews, not to open up in the "how are you doing" thread, none of it.  we can talk entertainment stuff all day, but newer/less mainstay folks can do that anywhere - and i don't mean to say this as if i'm removed from it, i've very much failed to create something warmer for non-regulars for years now.  

 

let's all do better.  

Link to post
Share on other sites

Tell her I said Happy Birthday. I post on here infrequently and she's not on my FB so...

 

You know what I think the problem is? There's not much left to say. Most of us have known each other for years. We share similar opinions on movies, comics, politics, life, etc. There's a little discussion but you can only post, "Yeah, what they said!" so many times. Most of the users that brought real conflict don't post any longer. It's not her.

 

Also, I don't think you guys realize how...hmm...alienating this place can be for vagina type people.

Link to post
Share on other sites

i mean, to the extent possible, i feel like i do realize.  

 

i really, really would like to change that.  i'm at a point in my life where i'm probably more open to suggestion than nearly any other time before.  i look back at some of the shit i let slide/actively cosigned and feel i owe a few long-gone folks apologies.  

 

so by all means, if you're inclined, i'm listening. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Maybe let me rephrase this... I don't think their place deliberately alienates women. Nor do any of the users. However, when I pop in its comics, movies, politics, TV

 

I love you guys, but I don't want to talk about that shit. I can talk about that to Ryan any time I want. And do. I want to talk about books. I want to talk about religion. I want to talk about raising my kids. Recipes. Meal planning. Budgets. Home ownership. I want to discuss home improvement, do it yourself projects. I want to discuss the things that are currently relevant to my life. Entertainment takes a backseat these days.

 

So, perhaps its not my gender and I'm simply attributing it to that because my interests currently align with those historically considered feminine. Which hearkens back to your comments about this mostly being an entertainment forum. Maybe...maybe she was just looking for too much here? We've all had some fairly deep convos in the past, but is that really the norm?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey. I’ve been stopping in the last couple days to log out on my various devices. Checking this site was such a habit, I didn’t want to keep doing it based on muscle memory. But I saw there was activity on this thread and wanted to respond. 

 

No, I wasn’t looking for too much. At no point did I say I wanted deep conversations. I just wanted...conversations. All I ever really posted about was entertainment. But I RARELY got responses to ANYTHING I posted. I’d join conversations and see people respond to the people commenting before and after me, but not me. I’ve just always felt like an outsider. People seemed to have lots to say, just none of it to me. 

 

I do appreciate the other responses on this thread. Thanks, guys. I realize I’m highly sensitive and I truly wasn’t looking for apologies but it did mean a lot seeing that. I feel bad saying I won’t ever be back because I believe you when you say you want to make this place better. I’m sure I’ll check in here and there or read over NZAs shoulder. I just needed a little distance from it for a while. 

  • Really Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

If you're highly sensitive, then I am too. Cause I would post topics that I thought were hot, relevant, and interesting only to watch them peter out after two or three posts if they garnered any attention at tall. It often left me wondering why. Then comes the spiral of insecurity which ultimately led me to believe I was just a boring, basic bitch with nothing of any merit to add to a topic. So, you aren't alone.

 

And I apologize if it seemed like I was putting words in your mouth. I wasn't trying to. I was just grasping for a reason. But I understand your complaint. I think the truly important thing was you called us out on it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/27/2018 at 8:16 AM, Donatella said:

It was my birthday yesterday and I didn't get a single birthday wish from any Hondonian, here or anywhere really. I tried to pretend it didn't hurt my feelings (I know people can be distracted, etc.), but honestly, it really did hurt. I have really tried to fit in here, I've tried to befriend Hondonians even off the site, I've supported their endeavors, even hosted them in my home. But I've never really felt like I fit in here. And yesterday felt like the nail in the coffin for me.

 

I mean, I've seen you guys revive birthday threads for people who haven't posted in months (like bishop) or YEARS (like amynicole). I think I've literally logged into this bitch every day for the last three years and I don't even have a birthday thread. That's fine, I know not everyone does, but they at least get a shoutbox mention or something. I don't think I've gotten a single well wish in all the time I've been here.

 

I feel so fucking stupid and petty for bringing it up, but damn. It really did sting. The purpose of this post isn't looking for validations, or apologies, or anyone telling me to stay around. I guess it's just to say that I wanted really badly to feel a sense of community here and make some friends. But I think it's time for me to move on.  

 

Fuck, sorry about missing that... those notices really need to be at the top of the board and no buried at the bottom.

  • Upvote 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

There WAS a news ticker at some point right? Pretty sure it just got used for Nick's passive aggressive barbs and WW updates?

Link to post
Share on other sites

yeah, the ticker is meant for semi-important stuff, and wouldn't work because the board's not scripted to fetch birthday info into it automatically 

 

it's cool y'all want them to be more prominent, but you do realize how many trolls/etc have birthdays too, right?  

when there is one on a given day, it's displayed right around where you see who's online/who's been online.  can't help but feel if i clutter up the top of the main page more, most of us will just get numb to it & scroll past after too many SUAVEMENTE birthday notices 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Could be an opportunity to delete those accounts though yeah? There a way to do that? They serve no purpose except taking up space (Do they take up memory? I dunno how that works haha). 

 

 

I'll miss Juggalo Pete as much as the next ninja, but some things gotta change

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've never felt the birthdays were hidden away since they're right above or below active users which is generally a focal point of main page viewing(for me anyway). My participation here has been erratic at best so I apologise for not observing birthday protocols.

  • Upvote 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/27/2018 at 7:16 AM, Donatella said:

It was my birthday yesterday and I didn't get a single birthday wish from any Hondonian

Fuck, I know you're not looking for apologies, but I'm really sorry. I've not been around much because school and Jenn's health, ugh...I feel like shit, I was trying to do the birthday threads for a while and I got side-tracked again.

 

5 hours ago, Drifter said:

it doesn't need to be a pop up or anything, just move the stupid birthday notice to the top of the page near the search bar or something

Fuck, I'm going to try to do this right now.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It's at the top now, and it doesn't really take up much room, even on mobile. I'm really bad about checking here on a day-to-day basis (see 2010-2017) but I feel like an ass. Hopefully this will help this part.

  • Upvote 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, Donatella said:

I’m sure I’ll check in here and there or read over NZAs shoulder.

 

tumblr_n79tmabUG81qbknvio4_500.gif

 

I generally stick to the 'entertainment' stuff on here...I guess the 'penis' oriented stuff.  I'm more passionate about that stuff than I am about politics or religion...or sjw stuff.  (shrugs) that's were you'll find me.

 

I really enjoy reading the threads and discussing fiction / fantasy stuff with other fans / members...and telling them how wrong they are.

 

People wanna delete Apu from the Simpsons...shiiit, they need to delete 'The Last Jedi' from the official canon!  I mean - am I right?

 

AM-i-Right.jpg

  • Really? 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

given nemo's stance on last jesi, spidey:homecoming and other fun things,  the panel is now accepting nominations for his tag

 

 

9 hours ago, Stilly said:

It's at the top now, and it doesn't really take up much room, even on mobile. 

 

note to self: disable this on panch's birthdayacolypse 

  • Haha 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...