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Kindergarden Art Critic


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Haha...that section's a trip, but the guy's harsh on some other shit, its funny. Timbo'd love this stuff. I like this review in particluar:


This was a Christmas gift from Kelly to her parents. Good job Kelly, now pack up your shit and find a foster home. If my kids tried to pass this off as a gift, they'd come home from school and find all their shit outside in a box. What a lousy gift, seriously. You give them video games and toys, and they give you some half-assed drawing with a crooked tree. I wonder how much a gift like this would set someone back. Five, maybe ten minutes to find a napkin and some markers?
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  • 3 weeks later...

's more highlights for those that havent checked out the site that inspired Spongebob's current quote...



Jon, age 8

Ding Ding! Here comes the shit-mobile. I've never seen a fire truck that needed to be shaved. I would rather be burned to death than be saved by this hairy piece of shit. F



Rachel, age 7

That's interesting, everyone in this picture is white. Even the rainbow is white. Perhaps in an ideal world, everyone would be white isn't that right, Rachel? Or should I call you RACIST? Nice try, Hitler. F
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  • 4 weeks later...

Hey, this guy put out a "day in the life of" thing for those interested. Also, he reviewed Daredevil, but tht was harsh...


So I was sitting there the other day watching my girlfriend change the oil in my car, and I was getting pissed because she kept struggling when she tried to unscrew the filter. I was even more pissed than usual because I was playing videogames as I supervised her from inside the house, until I finally had to put the controller down and go outside to yell at her.


I stood out there in my underwear on a Saturday morning screaming at the top of my lungs. Then my neighbor, who's a total pussy, comes by and says "you shouldn't be yelling at your girlfriend like that." I wasn't going to stand there and just take it, so I socked him one right in the kisser. His wife was bringing groceries inside when this happened, and as if it wasn't bad enough that I had to stop playing video games to go outside and yell, now this bitch was screaming at me like it was my fault.


I couldn't understand what she was shrieking about, as she was flapping her arms in the air and screaming. She started crying when she saw the busted lip I gave her pussy husband, so she took one of her shoes off and threw it at me. I caught the shoe between my pecs and I started to laugh like a pirate. Then she started walking towards me to take her shoe back, and there was no way I was going to let this bitch get near my chest so I body slammed her into a cactus that happened to be there. She got up and was uglier than before, so I did what I always do when women start to cry: I went back inside to play video games.


That wasn't the end of it though, it turns out the cranky old hag across the street saw all of this going on, so she came over to do what women do best: bitch. When I opened the door she was standing there in a partly transparent night gown, and it totally ruined the prospect of having a boner for at least 50 years. I was just starting to change my mind about the night gown when she started screeching at me and her stupid cat that she was holding started to hiss. So I took the cat and punted it over my neighbor's fence. She started crying "oh no! My cat! What have you done with my cat?!" I was laughing my ass off, then the bitch tried to scratch me so I gave her a round house kick and dislocated her hip. I was laughing so hard I shit my pants.

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Shallow, selfish, petty women:

Is there another kind?




This web page is dedicated to every good guy out there searching for a good woman. A woman that's able to hold a conversation, mature enough to handle criticism, honest enough to tell you the truth without hours of pointless fluff to pacify her guilt. A woman that's caring, kind and considerate--one that's selfless enough to sacrifice time she could spend with you so that you may work towards goals that will supplement your blooming relationship. A woman that's intelligent enough to realize the difference between love, lust, friendship and wishful thinking. A woman that's not such a coward that she has to resort to the crutch of friendship when rejecting someone. A woman that's not afraid to confront her insecurities and weaknesses. A woman that won't stab you in the back and manipulate your emotions with guilt trips, withdrawal, and endless sulking. A woman that's patient and empathetic enough to help you develop the tools necessary to harbor a long-lasting relationship. A woman that's not so petty as to let a good thing slip through her fingers in favor of shallow, selfish, sexual gratification.


For all you men looking for such a woman:




Such a woman does not exist. All women are shallow (and by all women, I don't mean the hand full of women I've known that don't fit this description. If you're finding yourself wondering whether or not you're one of these women, chances are that you aren't).


What women really want...


Do you remember when you were growing up in elementary school, how many dumbasses there were in your class? All the morons that had shitty personalities that never changed all throughout high school? Of the thousands of people you've met throughout school, chances are that you've only managed to become good friends with 1 or 2 of them. The problem that guys have is that they don't realize that as many dumbass guys as there were in their classes when they grew up, there are just as many dumbass girls. The only difference is that girls are not physically repulsive like men. If only 2 of the thousands of people you've come into contact with have been good enough to become your close friends, then what are the odds that you're going to find someone out of the remaining thousands that's good enough to spend your life with?


What girls really want is a good looking guy that will treat them like shit. If you're not good looking, you have to be rich. A lot of girls are so shallow that money is enough for them to be in a relationship. If you're not good looking and you're not rich, then you're pretty much screwed (unless the girl is horny, in which case she'll use you for what she wants, even if you're ugly).


Women can't decide anything. They never mean what they say and they always contradict themselves. I've developed a translation table based on conversations I've had with just a few of the many shallow women I've had the misfortune of having in my life:


Translation Table:


When they say: Oh, that's interesting.

What they mean: I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Let's have sex.


When they say: That's cool, I like that too.

What they mean: We don't have anything in common, but I'm going to pretend to like some of the things you like so we can have sex.


When they say: I miss you.

What they mean: I'm horny.


When they say: Nothing's wrong.

What they mean: Pack your bags, because you're going on a one-way guilt trip.


When they say: I love you.

What they mean: For the time being. I'm flaky, so check back two weeks from now, I don't know what the hell love means so I might just change my mind, and besides, I want to have sex and this will give me some leverage.


When they say: How's it going?

What they mean: I'm the center of the universe, don't bother telling me, it won't make a difference. I just want to make it look like I'm not a cold-hearted sex fiend.


When they say: I'm fat.

What they mean: Give me compliments, asshole.


When they say: I care about you.

What they mean: I care about me. Let's have sex.


When they say: Nothing.

What they mean: I wonder if he wants to have sex.

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