2004

[Spongebob]

Spongebob has had a 45b minute episode.... It was on all last week it was the Spongebob's Lost Episode

[Silent Bob]

Jesus Christ, Leo DiCraprio needs to slow the fuck down. He's in another one set for 2004.

 

The Aviator - A story about Howard Hughes as a younger playboy, directing Hell's Angels and romancing the Hollywood elite. You guessed it, Leo plays Howard Hughes. And Martin Scorsese is directing. Nice. Nicole Kidman is reportedly fighting for the role of Katharine Hepburn.

 

And here's a few more. Two movies being directed by Jonathan Glazer, the former director of a few Radiohead music videos who made his film deput with Sexy Beast.

 

Chaos - A remake of a Japanese film, the plot follows a kidnapper who gets caught up in the middle of a dangerous role-playing game when he finds his captive murdered. Hollywood seems to be on a "Japanese film" remaking binge, but this one's got a nice cast with Robert DeNiro (yes he's in a helluva lotta movies scheduled for this year, too) and Benicio Del Toro.

 

Birth - Now here's an odd concept. A woman becomes convinced that a ten year old boy is the reincarnation of her dead husband. Stars Nicole Kidman, probably hoping for another Oscar.

 

And still not enough DeNiro flicks for ya? How about this one?

 

The Bridge of San Luis Rey - Five people are killed in a freak accident when a lofty rope bridge collapses. The film details a priest's journey to discover if there was a divine reason for the bloody disaster. Set in Lima, Peru, during the 18th century. The cast is all top-notch, even if DeNiro wasn't in it - Kathy Bates, Harvey Keitel, Gabriel Byrne. It's directed by Mary McGuckian who...well...hasn't made much else that's gotten a wide release.

 

Here's an interesting one.

 

The Chosen One - Firsttime writer/direct Chris Lackey helms this movie that has Traci Lords playing a character named "Ms. Sultry", Lance Henricksen is a Cardinal named...Fred? And Tim Curry plays the Devil?! God I hope this is a comedy...

 

And a few more.

 

Cursed - The next Wes Craven/Kevin Williamson team-up. We all know the drill. Some sort of psycho-killer chases a bunch of teens, usually played by, and in this case actually played by, people like Christina Ricci and Shannon Elizabeth.

 

Fifty First Kisses - The comedic version of Memento? A romantic comedy about a man who falls in love with a woman with short-term memory loss. Stars Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore. Could be funny, but with the director of Tommy Boy, The Nutty Professor II, and Anger Management, don't expect anything more than the usual SNL alumni-movie.

 

Flora Plum - Jodie Foster's first directing job in 9 years. And she picked an odd one, didn't she? A penniless girl in the 1930's is taken in by a circus freak, and even as he falls in love with her, she begins to launch a career in the circus herself. Stars Claire Danes in the title role, along with Ewan McGregor, Meryl Streep and...Shannon Doherty playing a trapeze artist?! It's unknown whether this movie will still be released in 2004. Russell Crowe was originally cast as the "circus freak" but had to postpone it when he needed shoulder surgery (just before A Beautiful Mind). Since then his resume has been quite full, so the status of this movie is unknown.

 

Havoc - Here's another odd one. A drama about a gang of wealthy teens in Los Angeles who are confronted with the real-life gangster lifestyle they have long tried to emulate when they come face to face with a Latino drug-dealing gang. Stars Jenna Malone (Donnie Darko) and Mandy Moore. I can't see Mandy Moore as a wannabe gangster but, uh, maybe that's just me?

 

Home on the Range - Another Disney animated flick (apparently they're trying to make up for their recent lack of quality with quantity) about a bunch of cows on a farm (how amusing could that be?). Has the voices of Cuba Gooding Jr, Sarah Jessica Parker, Roseanne, Jennifer Tilly...and Judi Dench who seems severely out of place with the rest of that cast.

 

I Love Huckabees - A husband-and-wife team play detective, but not in the traditional sense. Instead, the happy duo helps others solve their existential issues, the kind that keep you up at night, wondering what it all means. Yeah, they've really got some strange ideas for movies, this year. But with Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow, Mark Wahlberg, Dustin Hoffman, Catherine Deneuve, and Jason Schwartzman, there's hope. Especially with the stylish directing of David O Russell (Three Kings).

 

The Ladykillers - Now I know you guys will like this one. No plot, no cast, but it's by the Coen Brothers. And they've got Tom Hanks practically signed on for the lead role...whatever that is. Who cares what it is, it's the Coen Brothers.

 

Lords of Dogtown - A movie that follows the surf and skateboarding trends that originated in California in the 1970s. But this is directed by.........David Fincher?! Making a skateboarding movie?

 

Madagascar - Another Dreamworks animated movie. There's going to be a lot of cartoons next year, apparently. I guess now that they've got an Oscar category, they want to work harder. Madagascar follows a lion, zebra, giraffe and hippo who are released from the zoo and sent back to the wild by an animal rights group. Jason Alexander, Chris Rock, and Ben Stiller do voices. I'm guessing Alexander plays the hippo...

 

Me Again - Yes, Bruce Willis is trying to revive his career. But I don't think he's picking the right roles for it. In this one he plays a man who wakes up in a hotel room with no memory and a dead body in the room. He must figure out if he's a hitman or the undercover cop assigned to take down the assassin. Think Dark City, but without the good parts of the Dark City plot. Diane Lane costars.

 

Mr and Mrs Smith - I don't know what it's about, but it's from the guy who directed Swingers, Go, and The Bourne Identity. And it stars Nicole Kidman and Brad Pitt.

 

Need - Halle Berry and Marisa Tomei are in it, but unless their "need" is some girl-on-girl action, I don't think many of us are interested. Especially since it's directed by the same guy who brought us Message In A Bottle and Angel Eyes.

 

Providence - A movie director-screenwriter finds a man to finance his latest project but soon discovers that the producer is actually an undercover FBI agent working on a mob sting operation. With Matthew Broderick (admit it, he's always likable, even in crap like Godzilla and Inspector Gadget), Alec Baldwin, Toni Collette, Calista Flockhart, William H Macy, Rob Schneider, and Tony Shalhoub. Firsttime directing gig for the writer of Catch Me If You Can and Rush Hour 2 (don't jump for joy yet, he also wrote Speed 2: Cruise Control...another candidate for the Akiva Goldsman award).

 

Riddick - The sequel to Pitch Black about one of Vin Diesel's actual interesting characters. Also stars Judi Dench and Colm Feore. Riddick, now a hunted man, finds himself in the middle of two opposing forces in a major crusade. Feore will play Lord Marshal, a warrior priest who is the leader of a sect that is waging the 10th and perhaps final crusade 500 years in the future. Dench will play Aereon, an ambassador from the Elemental race. She is an ethereal being who helps Riddick unearth his origins. Interesting. The director of the first one returns as director and writer, but this time he shares writing credits with, yes, Akiva Goldsman and David Hayter (wrote X-Men, and X2, but in my book will always be known as the voice of Solid Snake).

 

The Stepford Wives - Joanna, a young wife and mother, moves from Manhattan to the upper-class suburb of Stepford, Connecticut. Once there, she makes friends with bombastic Bobbie Markowe. Together they find out, much to their horror, that all the housewives are strangely blissful, and somehow... doomed. This is a remake of a 1975 movie. There's no point in keeping a secret twist hidden when the movie is a remake, so I'll just tell you. All the women end up being robots! No, I'm serious! You gotta admit, it could be funny. And with Nicole Kidman in the lead and a supporting cast of Joan and John Cusack, Glenn Close, Faith Hill (wait, Faith Hill?!), and Christopher Walken, not to mention the comedic directing talents of Frank Oz, how can it go wrong?

 

Thunderbirds - It's...it's a movie based on that crappy tv series from the 60s with the talking dolls. Yeah, the one that SNL used to spoof with the "Go-Lords". And it's got Bill Paxton and Anthony Edwards. And it's directed by Jonathan Frakes (who, admittedly, is a competant sci-fi director, he just needs better material)! God help us!

 

Unchain My Heart - The true story of Ray Charles. That's right, Ray Charles. I'd make jokes about how it's too bad he'll never get to see it, but that's just wrong. Jamie Foxx plays Ray Charles, a choice I would have questioned a few years ago, but after seeing his uncanny performance as "Bundini" Brown in Ali, I think he could pull it off.

 

That's it, so far. There's a couple I didn't bother mentioning like "Meet the Fockers" and "Dude, Seriously, Where's My Car". But I think that's ok.

Edited April 10, 2003 by Silent Bob