BigChiefSlapaho Posted September 24, 2003 Share Posted September 24, 2003 Why is it impossible for me to train my two silly dogs to piss & shit outside?!?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted September 24, 2003 Author Share Posted September 24, 2003 Notoriously, silly dogs focus the energy they would normally use on proper bladder & gasternological control into whey they deem more important ventures, such as chasing flashlights/their own tail, buttsniffing, and sometimes consuming their own feces. Non-silly dogs can often be re-prioritized by a simple rolled up copy of the Herald, a local paper written solely for this pupose. Sadly, modern geneticists are not only albe to cure this "silly" gene (canine sillonacious dumbfuckious), they are often unable to even identify this gene until the later stages of life. And by that point, your mutt has usually already uprooted a fair amount of carpet & eaten half the neighbor's siamese cats, so its too late anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigChiefSlapaho Posted September 24, 2003 Share Posted September 24, 2003 Why do hillbilly's fuck pigs & other farm animals? Is this fact or merely a bad stereotype? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted September 24, 2003 Author Share Posted September 24, 2003 Sexuality is more an issue of convenience than anything. Everyone knows middle eastern men fuck camles, while scots & irish prefer native sheep. The Vietnemese are known worldwide for water buffalo rampaging, while hillbillies, hicks & honkies have been unjustly stereotyped with pigs since Voight & Reynold's epic foray into animal love "Deliverance". Truth be told, we much prefer chickens, as they put up more fight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigChiefSlapaho Posted September 24, 2003 Share Posted September 24, 2003 Why do men's armpits generally smell worse than women's arpmits? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend Jax Posted September 25, 2003 Share Posted September 25, 2003 1) Did you see the SNL where Steve Forbes was the guest host and Rage Against The Machine were the musical act? 2) Was the shit the funniest thing ever? 3) Will I never laugh as hard again as I did when I first saw that episode? 4) What does this forum need? 5) Besides more cowbell? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ganny McVagflaps Posted September 25, 2003 Share Posted September 25, 2003 My copy of Sisqo's classic flick "Get Over It". Where? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Signal08 Posted September 25, 2003 Share Posted September 25, 2003 1) what up with the masterbater icon so comically placed into my avatar? 2) why is shit so much funnier when you are the only one around to laugh about it? 3) will the sky ever fall? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silent Bob Posted September 26, 2003 Share Posted September 26, 2003 And what the fuck happened to that guy's head?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted September 26, 2003 Author Share Posted September 26, 2003 This is a feminist lie spread by the long pit-haired extremists of Austin, Texas, who..wait, what are you basing this on? You're not going around smelling armpits & taking notes, are you? Don't go down that road, my friend. That's what happened to Ed McMahon, and we all know what happened there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted September 26, 2003 Author Share Posted September 26, 2003 1) Holy shit no, but if you see that bitch on Kazaa, you let a brotha know. That must've been classic. 2) I may not have seen it, but i do indeed have all the answers. So, sadly, no, but it's in the top 5. 3) You sir will indeed laugh harder one day. Around 46, your prostate'll do this thing where...hah, you just gotta see it man. 4) We could use a number of things, but what we need...is some more of that cowbell! Its like we got a fever or somethin. 5) Oh..then, this forum could use some porn, but what it needs is a touch-up on the logo & a working FAQ, you know? With clickable questions that take you to the answers. Honeslty, i almost wanna learn Flash to make a cool banner for us to put in my sig in other places. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted September 26, 2003 Author Share Posted September 26, 2003 You havent really looked all over your room; it looks as though you havent even finished unpacking since you moved back to Jersey. Its in that box where...wait, you sneaky bastard, you left that back in cali and you damn well know it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted September 26, 2003 Author Share Posted September 26, 2003 1) That, good sir, is an "easter egg", and every so many posts, you'll see them randomly tossed in, until you hit 500 or so. I'm trying to add more of em tho, thanks for noticing. 2) Comedy - specifically, prop stuff - its funniness is directly proportional to the number of people there. Unfunny shit is often relayed to others before taking this into account; hence, those annyong guys at parties who start off with a bad premise that ends with "..and then, the rabbi goes...ah, ya had to be there." This line is only valid if youre a holocaust survivor & asked about Aushwitz, and then its just really fucking innapropriate. 3) Doesnt seem likely, but if it ever does, you can be damn sure Verizon & its affiliates are to blame. Somewhere around 2064 ('in the not to distant future..."), they manage to black out the sky with satellites, and thats when it just gets really gay, beacause now everyone's dying, but you still cant hear worth a damn. I mean, what good is "free local calls" if it sounds like im talking to you from the center of the fucking earth? C'mon, now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted September 26, 2003 Author Share Posted September 26, 2003 "Look into her eyes, and all will be answered." Actually, assuming youre speaking of Jax's old avatar, its imploding. This sort of thing is actually commonplace, but the freemasons dont want you to know about it. That very avatar was the world's only recorded evidence of such happenings, but some say Jax was "persuaded" to go with the government-approved, tamer South Park avatar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soldier of fortune Posted September 26, 2003 Share Posted September 26, 2003 Everyone knows ... irish prefer native sheep I'm not happy with this slanderous allegation!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ganny McVagflaps Posted September 26, 2003 Share Posted September 26, 2003 Everyone knows ... irish prefer native sheep I'm not happy with this slanderous allegation!! Yeah, me neither. We Irish love Welsh sheep better. They're more exotic, you see? Okay, question: Since Robert Palmer died should I be guilty about all the prank phone calls I made to him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigChiefSlapaho Posted September 26, 2003 Share Posted September 26, 2003 1) What are the side effects of anal sex? 2) How much wood can a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? 3) Why do so many things taste like chicken? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend Jax Posted September 26, 2003 Share Posted September 26, 2003 I know this is a thread for IC to answer questions, but I feel compelled to answer this one 2) How much wood can a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. Now for my question (as relevant that Slapaho's first question): 1) How do you talk those more prudist girls into having anal sex? 2) Is subliminal hypnosis an option? 3) Can I get a anal sex subliminal hypnosis mp3 that I could play on my computer with a girl in my room that would eventually just lead her to break down and beg me to ram it up her poopshoot? 4) Have I gone to far? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobitussinEF Posted September 26, 2003 Share Posted September 26, 2003 Why is it 9AM but not in Moscow damnit? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted September 26, 2003 Author Share Posted September 26, 2003 2T, I understand. But it wasnt your prank calls that killed him; I believe it was his doctor, doctor who diagnosed him with a bad case...of lovin' you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted September 26, 2003 Author Share Posted September 26, 2003 1) Anal sex, according to , has varying side effects, depending on which position you play. Catchers can suffer from raw ass, hemorrhoids, a lack of reach-a-round from cold lovers, and finally, being gay. Yes, that's right, even if you're a woman, youre gay, too. Everyone knows this. Ask Spiffy. Psychological side effects include hero-worship of Madonna, an interest in poorly-written one-dimensional shows like Will & Grace, Queer as Folk, etc. Next thing you know, youre wearing rainbows alla time, listening to the indigo girls, and pretending Ani DiFranco can hold a note. It's not pretty. Pitchers...look; until youve been in the yard, i dont wanna hear shit about judging pithcers; its all you got, you know!? I mean, if you close your eys, you can...wait, what was your question again? 2) Much thanks to Jax for handling this one. Omniscience means you dont have time for woodchucks. 3) The truth behind this is actually that chicken itself tastes like so many things. This is because chickens are dumb, and eat almost anything. Sometimes, they eat the feces of other creatures who eat everything, like piggies. Did you know that despite the propoganda treehuggers & Chicken Run feeds you, chickens willingly walk into pot pies? It's true. Deep down, they realize the wholesome goodness in these products contain the few things they dont actually taste like. Think of it as Chicken Destiny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigChiefSlapaho Posted September 26, 2003 Share Posted September 26, 2003 Robert Palmer's dead?!??! When was this? Sorry, just read it on his website.... damn that really sucks.... ok back to the thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartlessbitch Posted September 26, 2003 Share Posted September 26, 2003 Why doesn't Nick Nick like Princess time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted September 26, 2003 Author Share Posted September 26, 2003 1) Start with alcohol, and think about roofies. You could also show her that site about saving yourself for marriage via bootyhumping; you may very well blind her with science. 2) Jax...if subliminally hypnotizing a chick to take one up the rear is wrong, then I dont wanna be right. 3) You could, you very well could, but we both know it'd be somewhere on Kazaa, hidden with a filename like "Barry Manilow - Copacabana (DJ Icey's ReamHerWithYourBeamer mix)" 4) Perhaps. But "the line between genuis and insanity is measured by sucess". See, right now, youre kind of a perv. If you pull it off, you're an evil genuis, and many of us will watch UPN at 3:20AM hoping for your infomerical. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted September 26, 2003 Author Share Posted September 26, 2003 While its actually almost 4pm by here, the strength of that joke (stolen from Mark Millar) lies in the stereotyping Russians as vodka hounds, and overlooking their political climate of mass starvation, economic chaos, and general irrelevance in the new Europe, especially the ex-military/KGB's. If youre enough of a dick to overlook these factors, or simply ignorant, its mildly funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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