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SiBob Speaks and offers Sagely Tubby Advice

Silent Bob

By Silent Bob
in Ask the Magic 8-ballzak

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Silent Bob Hondonian

Silent Bob

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Good lord, some people need to learn to sleep.

 

But ok (cracks knuckles) let's get started.

 

if an apple fell from a tree and laws of physics came about... what woulda happened if the apple was actually an orange or grapefruit, think maybe he woulda come up with some far out theory?

 

Actually, it's a little known fact, but Isaac Newton's bit of inspiration was not the first documented case. A young man in Fiji by the name of Kunal Qarase actually theorized that the Earth was round centuries before Columbus or the free-thinking of the European Renaissance. Qarase came to this conclusion when, while sitting under a tree on the beach, he was struck in the head by a falling coconut. When he told his theories to the tribe elders they were in awe of his genius. Unfortunately Qarase's genius would not last. His second theory - that the Earth was furry - did not meet such broad acclaim. And when the tribal council found him one morning, digging a large hole in front of his hut in search of some sort of "white milky substance", he was quickly declared a lunatic. Over the following weeks Qarase had a looser and looser grip on reality and a growing bump on the top of his head. By the end of the month he could be found lurching around the village with a coconut in each hand, slurring "who wants a lick of my hairy coconuts?" Isaac Newton, there but for the grace of God go you.

 

If your mom had a dance party, would you go?

 

Considering the kind of music that would be played......no

 

What EXACTLY does giggity-giggity really mean?

 

Giggity-giggity is similar to the commonly used hoobidy-doobidy, and usually refers to an excess of hibbity-dibbity.

 

Do you wanna rock Jean Reno's Penis?! (and world?!)

 

Umm...not really...if I was going to rock any frenchman's world I'd be going after Vincent Cassel, but only so I could secretly poison him in his sleep so that I'd be free to pursue his wife.

 

Sugar food Corp. N.Y., N.Y. 10022 USA?

 

Not even close, I could see how you might think that, though.

 

What is the color of BOYS?!

 

Mauve

 

What is the color of girl?

 

Salmon

 

What is potato mountain, and have you been there? Would you have sex with it??

 

I have not yet been to potato mountain, but you should know by now that I would have sex with anything.

 

If you pee in decaf coffee is it peecaf?

 

Peecaffeinated coffee is actually very popular in Peru, these days.

 

Do you believe in Fungus?

 

No, I think fungus is a myth perpetuated by the rich and powerful in society to keep the lower classes in line.

 

Is it going colors?

 

If it is, I hope it's better than coming colors.

 

Are there camels in camel ciggarettes?

 

What kind of question is that? Are there camels in camel toes? No, there are not camels in camel cigarettes, everyone knows that camel cigarettes are made from Middle Eastern babies. That's why they're called "Camels". It's a reference to the Middle East and the babies that are put into each delicious little stick of cancer.

 

if algea infested bras have to do with numbers then what would you make of fungis underwear?

 

What would I make of fungis underwear? Well, I could make many things. I could make a fungis underwear sculpture. I could make a fungis underwear centerpiece for my dining room table. I could make a delightful tossed fungis underwear salad. The list goes on and on, it's a good thing.

 

Do(es) sideburns make you attractive? or is that just Elvis??

 

sideburns.GIF

 

I think the evidence speaks for itself.

 

What color is paper when its in tree form??

 

Salmon.

 

Like girls.

 

If it getting hot in here, can you take of all your clothes?

 

You say that like you're under the assumption that I haven't already.

 

If you pee and dont wash your hands and then stick them in your mouth is it like you just peed in your own mouth??

 

It's similar, but slightly less self-degrading.

 

What do your farts smell like?

 

Strawberries

 

If your balls drop and theres no one around to hear it... do they make a sound?

 

Are you asking of my balls personally? Mine are the balls heard 'round the world, there's always somebody to hear it.

 

Yes Deej... sideburns make one attractive?? hot costner-like?

 

Do I have to bring out the evidence again?

 

Do you need instructions to know how to rock??

 

All I need is opportunity

 

Does your mother enjoy hot costner?

 

About twice a month or so.

 

Would you do Jay Leno/ and his chin?

 

At the same time? I think that chin may be too big for me to handle, I am but one man.

 

What is purpose of purpose??

 

For that matter, what is the purpose of any of us? Purposes exist to swim, to eat fish, to entertain us with their delightful tricks of oceanic acrobatics. Do they really require further purpose? Must you impose your artificial need for purpose on the poor purposes? Have they not suffered enough human interference from oil drilling, commercial fishing and finding their friends and relatives in various cans of tuna? Why can't you just let them live? Is that not purpose enough?!

 

Wait...did you...?

 

What does the inside of a turtle look like?

 

It looks very similar to the outside of the turtle, it's just much darker in there.

 

Shh.. Shh... Shut your mouth?!?!?!

 

Never! :D

 

Am I the only one who thinks the "yawn" smiley would make a more appropiate "moneyshot" smiley?

 

What does the color BLUE mean?

 

Well that depends on where you are from. In Iran blue means mourning. In China, blue is the color of little girls (they don't like salmon). In ancient Egypt, blue means protection. But in reality, blue is just the past tense of "blow". Mmm, blow... :D

 

Who is THE DRIZZLE?

 

You is

 

What color is dead?

 

Aquamarine

 

Do you believe in Batman and all of his doings? do you?

 

I do believe in Batman, yes. I go to the Church of Bat on an almost weekly basis, and I give tithings whenever I can. But to be honest, I'm thinking of converting. Not because I don't believe in the principles of the Bat, but just because all the altarboys in the really short green shorts are starting to weird me out...

 

Who is Dr. Pepper and how did he make his delicious beverage?

 

The official Dr. Pepper FAQ had this to say about the identity of Dr. Pepper:

 

"There were at least two doctors relevant to this question: a Dr. Charles T. Pepper, of Rural Retreat, Virginia; and a lesser-known Dr. Pepper of Christianburg, Virginia. Both were alive in the late 19th Century when Wade Morrison (the owner of the drug store where Charles Alderton worked) moved to Texas from Virginia in the 1870’s. And here is where the confusion starts.

 

Until recently, the story was that Morrison had worked as a pharmacist for a drug store in Rural Retreat owned by Dr. Charles T. Pepper, and that since Charles had given Morrison his first job, Morrison returned the favor by naming the new soft drink after him. Jeffrey Rodengen describes this story in much greater detail in his book The Legend of Dr Pepper/Seven-Up. Rodengen even investigates the rumor that Morrison named the drink after Dr. Pepper so that Pepper would approve of his daughter marrying Morrison, concluding that since Pepper’s daughter was “only 8” when Morrison moved to Waco in 1882, the “love story” must not be true. This is all fine information Rodengen dug up, but there’s one small problem: all of it may be false!

 

Milly Walker, the Collections Manager/Curator for the Dublin Dr Pepper Bottling Co. Museum in Dublin, Texas, sent me a letter on November 21, 2002, describing a great deal of the research and information she had on who the original Dr. Pepper might have been. This is some of what she had to say:

 

The Pepper family of Virgina is apparently quite extensive. Harry Ellis had quite a nice family history book about the Peppers, and it is in the corporate archives in Dallas. What we found was that according to the United States Census, Morrison lived in the town of Christiansburg and worked as a pharmacy clerk. In that same census on the next page (if I remember correctly) is another Dr. Pepper and he has a daughter, Malinda or Malissa, who is only 16 to Morrison's 17. If you understand that the census takers walked from house to house, you can tell they were near neighbors. This makes much more sense to me than Dr. Charles T. Pepper, 40 miles away in Rural Retreat.

 

Ms. Walker added: “There is not one piece of evidence that Morrison ever worked for Dr. Charles T. Pepper in Rural Retreat, VA. As far as I can tell, the stories about Morrison came to light after Harry [Ellis] told them.”

 

So, in other words, Morrison didn’t name Alderton’s new drink after Dr. Charles T. Pepper because: 1) Morrison never worked for Charles T. Pepper of Rural Retreat, Virginia, in the first place; 2) Morrison was never in love with Charles T. Pepper’s daughter; and 3) It’s very likely that Morrison named the drink after a completely different Dr. Pepper of Christianburg, Virginia, and that this Pepper’s daughter was the one whom Morrison had been in love with all those years ago."

 

It's all bullshit, though. We all know that Dr. Pepper was a mad scientist who lived on his own private island and spent his live obsessively mixing the dna of various soft drinks to create his own unique sodas. This is how he invented his delicious drink, and he would still be doing it to this day if David Thewlis hadn't come along.

 

If your dad's Catholic, can you burp?

 

Uh, I'm not sure. My Dad's Jewish so I can burp as long as it doesn't come after eating copious amounts of dead pig.

 

When you fart, do you bend down to smell it?

 

No that's what I have Sig for. He's the one who told me they smelled like strawberries.

 

Do you like the Titte Titte brothers?

 

(perks up) Titties? Where?

 

If you walked in on your dad using a rubber butt (in the biblical sense) would you kill yourself or be disappointed because you just used it?

 

I'd fall to my knees and thank the lord that it was a rubber one.

 

Then I'd re-think whether it was really such a smart time to be on my knees and I'd run out of the room.

 

Does Jean Reno smell like French?

.....and if he does what does french smell like?

 

He does. But for the record, Vincent Cassel smells like Italian.

 

Well?!

 

Well what?

 

Ok, not only do you guys need to learn to sleep during the night, but you're also very sick people.

 

I need a drink.

 

And a shower.

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pictureofdorian Hondonian

pictureofdorian

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hahaha you did say that you wanted more pages on your SiBob Speaks and offers Sagely Tubby Advice... so we spent a lot of time thinking up fantastic questions for you!! :D

 

 

oh and btw there are more... endworld just hasnt posted his yet! And thank you for answering all of our questions... the answers were great!

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pictureofdorian Hondonian

pictureofdorian

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hahaha more questions will come in time... hahahaha:D

 

stupid questions to hold you over..

 

If you could be any color what would it be?

 

 

Made in Mexico-fabrique au mexique-hecho en mexico-240xx?

 

 

Is the cup really orange... or is my eye orange?

 

 

If the wall was cut, what color would it bleed?

 

That is all for now..

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