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Brad:  the game


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I found the oddest game on the web recently...

BRAD:  The Game

It's a text "Choose your own adventure" game where you can do just about anything, and it's pretty funny and addictive.  Among the things you can do are score with your sister and have an illegitimate son with her, screw a 6 year old Greek boy, become a secret agent, and die in about a billion different ways.  All I can say is you have to try it...

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  • 4 years later...

man, hard mode dont fuck around. Chief, you tried this yet? dont even boher tryin to get laid...


You walk over to Katie's house and knock on the front door.



The door swings open.


It's Ross.


"Hey, is Katie in there?" you ask him.


"That's my line," says Ross.


You both chuckle.


"Nah," says Ross. "Katie dumped me about an hour ago."


"No way!"


"Yeah," sighs Ross.


"What happened?"


"Well, Brad," says Ross. "I told her I wanted to explore my homosexual side."


"Hey, I've done that."




"Sure, I like to go gay once in a while."


"Cool," says Ross. "Hey, I'm going to this club in Boston tonight, The Wet Hot-Dog, would you wanna go with me?"


"Yeah, sure, why not?" you say.


So that night you take the van into Boston. Ross runs next to the van -- slowing himself down from time to time so that you can keep up with him.


You reach the club, park around the back, and head inside with Ross.


It's a pretty decent place. There's lots of cute guys, and loud music.


You and Ross mingle for a while.


Then you run into Shven.


"Blimey!" shouts Shven. "It's Brad Powell!"


"Hi, Shven," you say. "I didn't know you swing both ways."


"Oh, I'm just here for the kareoke contest," says Shven.


"Woah, there's kareoke?" you say. "Cool. What are you gonna sing?"


"There's only one song I can do," says Shven.


"Oh, yeah? Which one?"


"Stick around and find out," says Shven.


"Yeah, OK, maybe I will."


"Wanna hear a good joke?" asks Shven.


"Uh, no thanks," you say. "I gotta catch up with Ross."


You and Ross have a few drinks at the bar and decide to stick around to watch Shven sing.


About five other guys perform some pretty lousy versions of disco songs you didn't even like to begin with.


Then Shven walks on stage and belts out a soulful version on "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred.


He rips off his shirt about halfway through, and the crowd is loving it.


He leaves the stage to a standing ovation.


"Hey... I think I'll do one," says Ross.


"Cool," you say. "What song?"


"'Jessica'," says Ross "It's my favorite."


"'Jessica'..." you say. "Hey isn't that an instru--"


Before you even finish your sentence, Ross excitedly jumps up onto the stage.


The music to "Jessica" starts up.


Ross dances around a bit and then takes hold of the microphone and makes up the words to the classic Allman Brothers instrumental as he goes along:


"As I was walking through the forrest in the morning...

A pair of elves they came to join me on my way.

They were wearing little shoes and little stockings...

And their names were Humpty-Dumpty and L. A."


The crowd gets ugly and boos Ross right off stage.


You jump up and grab the microphone, and tell them to leave Ross alone.


"He tried his best!" you shout.


Just then, you hear the music to "500 Miles" by The Proclaimers begin.


A powerful feeling comes over you, and you can't leave the stage.


Right on cue, you start to sing:


"When I wake up, yeah, I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you.

When I go out, yeah, I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you.

If I get drunk, yes, I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you.

And if I haver, yeah, I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you."


Ross jumps up and joins you for the triumphant chorus:


"But I would walk five hundred miles!

And I would walk five hundred more!

Just to be the man who'd walked a thousand miles

To fall down at your door."


The ugly crowd is transformed into an angry mob as they pull you and Ross off the stage, throw you to the floor, proceed to beat you both senseless.


You have no choice but to let go with a dance-floor-clearing eighteen second beef that sends your attackers running for the exits.


You and Ross lie there, badly bruised, and down-hearted, together alone in the Wet Hot-Dog club.


"So," asks Ross. "Is this what it feels like to be homosexual?"


Just then, Shven comes out of the men's room.


"'Ello, Brad," says Shven. "I thought you two were smashing."




After a rough first night, you and Ross decide to stick with it.


With Shven as your manager and financial backer, the two of you set out under the name "The All Man Brothers" on a kareoke tour of homosexual night clubs of the United States and England.


Shven always opens your shows with his rousing rendition of "I'm Too Sexy", but eventually you and Ross work out a stage show that tops anything Shven can do.


Slowly you build a steady following at the clubs.


Shven starts up Wooden Leg Productions, and signs you and Deborah Henson-Conant as his first acts.


You and Ross seem headed for the top.


But then one day you piss off BOOG and he destroys you.



The End




You have died.

Your final score is: 43

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