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Movies you wont watch


The NZA
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Yeah, this is kind of a hater thread, just curious where others are on this.

 

For instance: i dont do musicals. I just cant get into some shit where they break out into song randomly, it strikes me as poor storytelling. Paint your Wagon was the exception: it has clint eastwood and lee marvin drunk & singing. Also, things with MJ.

 

-most romantic comedies. exceptions: something really good, like uh, as good as it gets. Or, at least appeal to my ass a bit, like what women want tried to do.

 

-any movie which centers around dancing, cheerleading, singing, performing arts, etc. exception: uh...moonwalker?

 

-any movie whose plot revolves around cars. Not a slight against great car chases in films, im talking car movies like fast & the furious and such.

 

-movies whose lead is someone like Vin Diesel. You really gotta sell me on some shit with a crappy lead like that, especially after Riddick.

 

so yeah, be sure to give specifics and possible exceptions when applicable.

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I used to feel that way about rom-coms, but now I admit there are some pretty good or at least entertaining ones out there, so I'm willing to give one a chance if it meets certain criteria. That criteria being that is has Billy Crystal or John Cusack in it somewhere.

 

-Horror movies that revolve almost exclusively around forms of torture. Just not interested, thanks.

 

-Any movie, usually one grasping desperately for an Oscar, in which every sort of miserable depressing thing happens to a character or a series of characters until they finally either die or come to the conclusion that life sucks bad and the credits fade. Misery, to me, just isn't something I want to spend 2 hours watching.

 

-On a related note, any movie in which the main character suffers from a major disease throughout. Exception: Philadelphia.

 

-Movies that have either Paul Walker or Ashton Kutchner in the lead. ...or even in the background, somewhere. However, I happen to like Vin Diesel. Except in the following:

 

-Any movie that has a tough guy becoming a babysitter for laughs, like, say, The Pacifier. exception: Kindergarten Cop, because it's hard not to like Kindergarten Cop.

 

-Any movie that finds all of its comedy in having a family with way too many kids, like Cheaper By the Dozen or Yours Mine & Ours.

 

-Movies based on tv shows I wasn't even fond of the begin with: Starsky & Hutch, The Dukes of Hazzard, The Mod Squad, Miami Vice.

 

-Movies directed by Uwe Boll. I want to say movies directed by Michael Bay, as well, but I keep making that damn mistake.

 

-Movies about reallife authors or poets. Exceptions: Finding Neverland because it had great acting and directing, Shakespeare in Love because it had a clever script...and it's bloody Shakespeare.

 

-Any non-animated movie that starred Eddie Murphy between Another 48 Hrs. (1990) and Dreamgirls (2006). Exceptions: Bowfinger, the first Nutty Professor.

 

-Any movie that stars a young pop star trying to make a name for themselves with a new acting career. Exceptions: if it's Mandy Moore, because she's fuckin' adorable and a surprisingly talented actress.

Edited by Silent Bob
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For instance: i dont do musicals. I just cant get into some shit where they break out into song randomly, it strikes me as poor storytelling. Paint your Wagon was the exception: it has clint eastwood and lee marvin drunk & singing. Also, things with MJ.
Amen to that! Paint Your Wagon? I won't even go for that. Blues Brothers is the exception to the rule for me.

 

-most romantic comedies. exceptions: something really good, like uh, as good as it gets. Or, at least appeal to my ass a bit, like what women want tried to do.

I agree there as well, I'd like to extent the scope of this one to chick flicks in general. There are a few that have been appealing to me, they're enjoyable when they have something that appeals to guys but don't insult our intelligence.

 

-any movie which centers around dancing, cheerleading, singing, performing arts, etc. exception: uh...moonwalker?

Agree with that, not even Moonwalker for me.

 

I have never been able to get into kung fu movies/samurai films, I'm sorry there's just so many ways you can hit a guy before it stops being cool, I've tried countless time and I just can't do it. Exceptions to the rule are movies that add a twist to the genre like Kung Fu Hustle, Shaolin Soccer, or Versus.

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There's nothing I won't watch. I'm the kinda guy that'll give anything a chance (I'd seen "Catwoman" 3 times before it even came on HBO). A while ago I was talking to TulipO on the phone just after I'd finished watching "The Dukes of Hazzard". She couldn't figure out why when I knew it'd be crap.

 

For instance: i dont do musicals. I just cant get into some shit where they break out into song randomly, it strikes me as poor storytelling. Paint your Wagon was the exception: it has clint eastwood and lee marvin drunk & singing. Also, things with MJ.

 

"Moonwalker" and "The Wiz" forever!

 

I went into "Dreamgirls" expecting pap and it was really good. Also you can't fault "West Side Story". Don't talk shit about it. If you do the P.R.s will come and stab you.

 

any movie which centers around dancing, cheerleading, singing, performing arts, etc. exception: uh...moonwalker?

 

This rule applies alot of the time but sometimes there are other factors that make the film very enjoyable.

 

-movies whose lead is someone like Vin Diesel. You really gotta sell me on some shit with a crappy lead like that, especially after Riddick.

 

Rent Download this movie. Let the healing begin:

 

2621poster.jpg

 

-Movies that have either Paul Walker or Ashton Kutchner in the lead. ...or even in the background, somewhere.

 

Paul Walker is a herpes-infected cock but even a cock doesn't suffer an outbreak once in a while:

 

runningscared_bigreleaseposter.jpg

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you know, ive a thing about watching comedies in theatres: i dont. I dont dig paying $10 to laugh mebbe once, and i got dragged to one too many american pie/austin powers/etc sequels by chicks/ario x only wanting to watch comedies. If its not Borat, it can wait till video.

 

I used to feel that way about rom-coms, but now I admit there are some pretty good or at least entertaining ones out there, so I'm willing to give one a chance if it meets certain criteria. That criteria being that is has Billy Crystal or John Cusack in it somewhere.

 

Agreed. High Fidelity tops my list but i cant recall a cusack one i didnt enjoy.

 

-Movies directed by Uwe Boll.
watch it...say it too loud and he'll fight you.

 

-Movies about reallife authors or poets. Exceptions: Finding Neverland because it had great acting and directing, Shakespeare in Love because it had a clever script...and it's bloody Shakespeare.

 

shit, i was curious since an old arthouse friend of mine was all about it...fuck, its about a bald artist guy, front cover is him drawing/painting soemthing. cmon, youre good at this game.

 

-Any movie that stars a young pop star trying to make a name for themselves with a new acting career. Exceptions: if it's Mandy Moore, because she's fuckin' adorable and a surprisingly talented actress.

 

i was forced to watch "a walk to remember" so im inclined to disagree, but Saved changed that.

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I have never been able to get into kung fu movies/samurai films, I'm sorry there's just so many ways you can hit a guy before it stops being cool, I've tried countless time and I just can't do it. Exceptions to the rule are movies that add a twist to the genre like Kung Fu Hustle, Shaolin Soccer, or Versus.

 

Versus was crazy.

 

it might be an acquired thing, i dunno. I love that shit. Im all about kurosawa/mifune flicks, but i can go for some old-school wu-tang/shaolin shit too. Five Deadly Venoms, Sixy Second Assasin, Master of the flying Gulliotine - im throwing out names cause i forget what i have and havnet seen here, but some of those were fun shit, in a crazy/almost superhero kinda way.

Enter the Dragon, Fist of Legend etc? I mean, if you go in with the mindset of just seeing cool stunts, i think jackie chan shit can be pretty fun, but its a thread of varying tastes after all.

 

This rule applies alot of the time but sometimes there are other factors that make the film very enjoyable.

 

in case i forget to say it over there: that chick is fucking incredible.

 

i still gotta download/see Running Scared. oh and youre right, it was Pollock.

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I stay away from romantic comedies unless they seem to be from the male perspective and not taking themselves seriously (ie High Fidelity, Chasing Amy, Shaun of the Dead, There's Something About Mary).

 

I try to avoid things that look like they took a page (or all the pages) out of the "How to make an Oscar winning movie without having to be original" book. (Cold Mountain)

 

I don't even entertain the possibly of watching any kind of horror unless I have good reason to believe it is a good movie in it's own right as a movie (not as a horror movie). To me, if all movies are humans, horror movies are, like monkeys. Most of dumbest humans can understand most things better than the smartest monkeys. Now, I'll watch other movie genres if the movie's not smart, but horror movies do not scare or shock me at all. Maybe it's a suspension of belief thing, but I find them all lame and formulaic. So if a horror movie is good in it's own right (Psycho, The Birds, The Sixth Sense, Identity*, Alien if you consider Alien horror, which I do), that's fine, but otherwise I'll pass. I was bored to death when Nick dragged me to see Silent Hill.

 

* I went to see a free premiere of Identity cause back in my jobless college days, free was free and I went with a group. I was pleasantly surprised to watch an excellent film and I'm sorry it wasn't more successful. Cusack is movie gold (pre-Must Love Dogs).

 

Any movie with a poster showing Eugene Levy with a Macaulay Culkin "Oh No" expression.

 

Like-Mike_92__54161_20.jpg

 

Or where a main character has hunched shoulders and palms up in an "Oh well!" expression.

 

poster_lg01.jpg

 

Nick, have you seen Moulin Rouge? If the issue is that you find breaking into song is unrealistic, Moulin Rouge won't be a problem, because the whole movie is a surreal trip.

Edited by Jack's Meandering Thoughts
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I do think it's kinda funny that most of you have at least one exception, meaning that you basically don't like movies that you don't like.

 

Btw, running scared was the most mindblowingly awful movie I've seen in a long time. It made me shit, pee and vomit simoultaneously. When I wasn't doing that, I was laughing tho. Absolute must see for a good laugh. It's even worse than Crank!

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Anything with lindsey lohan in it. I refuse to encourage her.

 

Eh she used to be good, Parent Trap and Freaky Friday were fairly entertaining.

 

But then her boobs and her ego inflated violently and it's been iceskating uphill ever since. (Come on yeah Mean Girls had some funny parts but all that came from people over 30 who are actually funny. Tim Meadows for LYFE!)

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Crank was kind of fun, running scared is kind of like Crank, but without any justification. I can't quite remember what the hell it was about, except paul walker running around in the rain screaming and this one dude calling everybody a nigger while the camera established every scene with a CG fly-through.

 

If you liked Crank, you just have the ability to toss your morals aside and laugh at some rediculous shit. If you seriously appreciate Running Scared, there's something horribly wrong with you.

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I do think it's kinda funny that most of you have at least one exception, meaning that you basically don't like movies that you don't like.

 

Im assuming that last line is some kinda deep eastern statement. hey, you didnt say what youre not inclined towards, mr i watch movies all the freakin time - unless youre playing the "if its caught on camera ill watch it" 2T card.

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Yup, I'm afraid I have to play that card. Now, there's a lot I won't pay for, but I'll watch just about anything for free.

 

Well, here's one type I should stop watching: contemporary straight to video horror. I'm tired of this crap that major rental chains fill half of their stores with. Shitty barely rated R snoozefests with funny box art. It goes like this, Blockbuster browser happens upon a film called "CYBERRAPTOR." THe back of box blurb promises a film where various people are killed by a mechanical dinosaur. Deciding he is in the mood for a laugh, he hands over his hard earned 7 dollars. What he sees is a quick opening scene that barely hints at thje raptors existence followed by 30 to 45 minutes of people talking. ANd not good "this isn't a B movie" talking; straight to video sci-fi channel talking. The peopel encounter the raptor in a scene where wee don't get to see it, and spend the next 30 minutes talking about the implications of the raptor and building up the romantic subplot. During the 3 minute climax we actually see the famed Raptor for a thrilling 10 seconds. THe bad CG and acting deliver a small taste of what we wanted out of the movie, minus a lot of gore. After that one laugh, the next 5 minutes are spent rapping up the romantic subplot.

 

Lather, rinse, repeat with a giant shark, snake, horde of zombies, evil clown, etc.

 

Who told these people we rented a movie called "Megalodon" to watch an hour worth of dialogue? Well I'm not falling for it any more. For god's sake, if you see a cheesy american straight to video horror movie that is dated after the year 2000, just leave it the fuck alone.

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