bishopcruz Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 Trailer was awful, movie was dumb dumb fun. Honestly I expected it to at lest TRY to be plausible, and if it had tried, it would have failed. Let's be honest GI JOE was about big buff dudes and hot women shooting ridonkulously high tech weaponry at eachother and trying to stop Cobra from destroying/controlling the world. It got that sense of kitch perfect, and the best part, is that it pretty much played it serious. The best part I thought was that the film in no way aspired to be anything other than a ridiculous action ride, well, a little more, the Baroness plot was awful, awful stuff. But with the backstory they gave her, it was really the only way they could go. But the Joes are the good guys, there is no grey. Cobra, they are dicks just to be dicks, again no grey. They are out for world domination, and they have ridiculous firepower, and the best part is that unlike the cartoon, people get whacked all the time, but it's mostly ok because they're either working for Cobra, or French. I've been waiting for a movie to unabashedly embrace the over the top nonsensical nature of superhero comics and cartoons for ages, and GI Joe was the first to really do so. It had the feel that I wished the Fantastic Four movies did, big evil overlords doing evil stuff just because they are dicks, heroes fighting them in crazy action scenes, car's that can fly and blow stuff up real good, multiple villians in full face masks, a pair of batshit crazy ninjas, and an underwater lair with a self destruct mechanism. That's what GI Joe is about! The cartoon never, ever made any sense, and neither does the movie, it's about seeing just what crazy ass gadget they will use next, what absurd feat of acrobatics is coming up, or just how Cobra and the Joes will kill people in inventive and painful looking ways. There is no introspection, there is no philosophy about what it means to be a hero, this is no Dark Knight, or even Spiderman, or hell, even Daredevil. And thank god for that, because the GI Joe license was never meant to be introspective. It was meant to be THIS: and save for the lack of a ton of "America: FUCK YEAH!" that's pretty much what the movie was. Would have been the perfect Joe film if not for the horrible, horrible Duke flashbacks, and actually giving Cobra Commander an origin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archangel Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 People who hate GI Joe are pinko commie assholes who hate America, or are smelly foreigners. That is all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newtype Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 People who hate GI Joe are pinko commie assholes who hate America, or are smelly foreigners. That is all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Hakujin Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 People who hate GI Joe are pinko commie assholes who hate America, or are smelly foreigners. That is all Two things to say to that: 1. Fuckin' A. 2. Porkchop sammiches. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amynicole Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 any one else who saw the movie think it was a little rediculous that they knew how to operate all of the bad guys computers and that when they blew up the polar ice cap that all the ice sank? other than that, it was pretty good. i mean, hot guy in a uniform, hot badass chicks, and tons of action. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Kaniggit Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 "G.I.JOE The Rise of Cobra" is a unapologetic and unrelenting action movie. It is a true throw back to the Cold War era. All they did was take the basic premise of the 80's cartoon wrap a little plot around it, add some cutting edge evil weapon, raised up the body count, and let it loose! All of the weapon technologies from the toy line and ramp them up, the blue and red lasers from the cartoon have been replaced with sonic weapons that send the victim flying back 20 feet! These weapons a loud and merciless exactly what a high tech terrorist organization would have. They are used to inflict heavy casualties. I have some nitpicks about characters and effects, but the movie does not slow down enough for you think about them. Besides for all the things Sommers misses, he makes up by nailing some of the characters dead on, Snake Eyes, Storm Shadow, Scarlett, Zartan, General Hawk, Destro and Miller's baroness is a ruthless as she is gorgeous. I actually liked Gordon Levitt as The Doctor he had a very hard assignment but I liked all the parts of his complex performance. Tatum and Wayans are alright as Duke and Ripcord, but nowhere near are good as the rest of the Cast. Stephen Sommers directed the exact movie he was hired to direct. It is a fun movie, with a horrible script, that does not take it self to seriously. With mind-blowing wall-to-wall action. It allows the baddies to be completely hammy with over the top dialogue about world conquest, and the good guys are boy and girl scout who fight for freedom. As it should be. Like Bish said, this movie's universe is black and white, which is a refreshing change. This movie is a true 80's action movie amped up on Steroids and using bigger guns. You and the 10 year old inside of all of you will have a fun ride. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thelogan Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 "Kill all the jooooooooewsss" lol. That's hilariously close to being anti-semitic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MetalHeart Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 That's hilariously close to being anti-semitic. Said with the "accent", it is a winner. It really sounds like he's saying "Kill all the Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeews". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spycer Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 ICE SINKS! Also, if you design an aircraft, why would you make the firing mechanism voice activated? And why would that be the first thing your enemies think you MIGHT have done, and if you put the word FIRE in another language, why would it be so obviously your native languange, that THEY KNOW ALL ABOUT!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bishopcruz Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 ICE SINKS! Also, if you design an aircraft, why would you make the firing mechanism voice activated? And why would that be the first thing your enemies think you MIGHT have done, and if you put the word FIRE in another language, why would it be so obviously your native languange, that THEY KNOW ALL ABOUT!? Because you're Destro. That pretty much covers it. MARS/Cobra is insane, they do shit for no good reason. That's what's so great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spycer Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 That doesn't explain the ice... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HypnotizinChikns Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 ^^ okay if you ever watched the cartoon...lots of things didn't make sense, just like that. I think the biggest problem with the movie was The Baroness' plot line. they went to far with her being an evil bitch from hell just to cop out at the end. i still think it was fun to watch though, and I'll probably watch it again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spycer Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 I completely enjoyed the movie going experience, but there wasn't a shred of redeeming quality in the whole film, to me. The Baroness 'plot twist' was a glaring, horrible mess, and took away form everything, in spite of suspension of disbelief, which actually did cover the ice not floating bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iambaytor Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 Would have been the perfect Joe film if not for the horrible, horrible Duke flashbacks, and actually giving Cobra Commander an origin. Was it really worse than him being a lizard man? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newtype Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 The Ballad of G.I. Joe from Olivia Wilde Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Because you're Destro. That pretty much covers it. MARS/Cobra is insane, they do shit for no good reason. That's what's so great. you know, i resent the way that you portray clearly not-for-much-profit organizations hell-bent on world domination as crazy and two dimensional. Sure, Dr. No, Dr. Doom, Dr. Claw, and half the cast of Gatchaman fit this bill, but given time, i shall find an example where this is somehow not the case. its a valid cause you're undermining here. yes, we shall ps WTF to newt's vid: good, but even that baronness was hotter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Hakujin Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 The Ballad of G.I. Joe from Olivia Wilde Who knew the Drednoks could harmonize like that. And Henry Rollins as Duke? Now that's what I'm talkin' about! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drifter Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 Wait... was that the REAL Sgt. Slaughter there at the end?!?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newtype Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 Wait... was that the REAL Sgt. Slaughter there at the end?!?! Yes it was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drifter Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 awesome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycaon Posted August 12, 2009 Share Posted August 12, 2009 Wait... was that the REAL Sgt. Slaughter there at the end?!?! He's still shown up on WWE a couple of times in the past several years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Hakujin Posted August 5, 2010 Share Posted August 5, 2010 The sequel is in motion. Same mediocre director is back. Tattum is still coming back as Capt. Cardboard Acting Duke Hauser. Dude's that wrote Zombieland did the script, so there's some hope there... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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