Games that are terrible

[Keth]

"The greatest caveman simulator ever"? What the hell could they be comparing it too, all those other caveman simulator games

Joe and Mac my friend. Joe and Mac.

[the division of joy]

The single worst game I've ever played is a game called "New World Order" for the Pc. I picked it up one day in a gamestop for 1.99 and realised that after my biggest enemy in the game was the tresholds of doors and them not letting me pass through them, it was time to turn the game off. I didn't actually get to shoot anyone as if it wasn't doors that were trapping me with the shittily designed games, it was getting close to walls. Or moving forward. Or taking out my gun.

 

Here's a gamespot review.

[Keth]

...what? SH: Homecoming didnt have ideal controls, but like RE4, it was better than the system it had before. if you want a free-roaming action game, SH might not be the series youre looking for...i personally thought that game was underrated and took far too much shit about being from a western dev from folks who didnt play it, but eh, to each either own, man.

also, yeah,

 

 

 

Yeah, you're right. it just didnt feel like survival horror to me i guess. but i know this is one of those games that folks either loved or hated and you at least gotta respect a game like that. plus the whole RE/dead space scheme i got used to also. a lot of people liked the game siren as well and it wasnt for me either. i just thought it was funny how in SH: homecoming the main character wasnt very worried about his crazy mom or the foggy town. granted he was military but still. and thanks for the welcome. haha i still trying to get my bearings straight

 

[The NZA]

eh, you're right too, though. RE4/Dead Space's controls were good and Dead Space showed me that shit could still be psychologically scary with a good action system.

 

also, Joe & Mac >>>> Tail of the Sun. so sincere.

[Thelogan]

A couple of big, steaming bags of shame this month. Here's one.

 

Infernal: Hell's Vengeance

for xbox 360

 

 

Metacritic score: 40

 

From OXM

When one of the back-of-the-box bulletpoints trumpets the fact that the game has 30 Achievements composed of both story and "skill based" feats, then maybe the experience itself is missing something. And Infernal's third-person-shooter tale of angels and demons fighting each other in a high-tech wonderland may put some dazzling demonic powers at your disposal (teleportation, power shots), but it all comes at the price of overly linear levels, repetitive fights, and a distinct lack of polish. If tussling with heat-packing angels is somehow your thing, it's time to give your rental card a workout. A very, very short workout.

 

Verdict: 3.5

 

Here's a snippet from Gameshark's review

 

All of this is to say nothing about the repetitive level design and enemy encounters, the brain dead AI, complete with brain dead AI statements like "He's vanished!" when all you've done is go through a door. Oh, and did I mention that for all of his badass demonic powers, Ryan Lennox is incapable of surviving a three foot fall into water? Looks like someone needed to pay more attention during swim class. Everything comes together into a game that is good for an unintentional laugh at first but quicky descends into a monotonous, tedious mess.

 

As the game was released a couple of years ago on the PC and met with lackluster reviews, I'm not sure what the motivation was behind re-releasing it on the 360 without addressing any of its many, many faults. Whatever the reasoning, there are so many quality shooters on the 360 and there's so much wrong with this game that even with Infernal's budget price, there's no reason to check this one out.

Edited August 22, 2009 by Thelogan Prime

[The NZA]

i love it.

 

i wanted to make this a thread, but i dont know it warrants it: drunken bad demo night on XBL with newt was such a hit, i went and downloaded several gigs of full motion video Sega-CD games - best of the best here, Ground Zero Texas, Sewer Shark, Make my music video with Kriss Kross, Marky Mark and C&C, even found Double Switch, the Night Trap sequel! i think "bag gaming night" can be a hit as long as we resolve to take shots at every new low the title at hand reaches.

also a possible h-con activity.

[Keth]

The title screen for Bionic Commando is a bit unexpected for the kind of game Grin purports it to be. It’s simple: the logo in white against an unassuming sky blue background, a soft, plinking piano laying out a gently realized rendition of the series’ theme. Press start and a long bionic arm appears from the hazy blue, riding a calm swirl of moving air that soothes the ear. At the time, I couldn’t figure out what Grin’s intentions were with what I saw as a clearly intentional choice to set the tone of the game. How exactly would softly tickling the ivories help get you pumped up for something so loaded with action? I puzzled over this off and on throughout my time with the game, but no answers came.

 

Then, suddenly, as I was writing this review, it dawned on me: Bionic Commando isn’t really an action game. At least, Grin doesn't want you to associate it with the mindset and expectations that go hand in hand with the genre on first approach. There’s plenty of action to be had, of course. But that’s not really the point. You’ll know it deep down, that first time you dive headfirst from the tallest building you can find, grabbing hold of an overhanging sign or jutting platform after a few seconds’ freefall and effortlessly vaulting forward through the air towards your next destination. The feeling is an exhilaration rarely felt in gaming—certainly not experienced since taking to the rooftops as Faith to evade an army of Blues, and probably not again anytime soon. Here, it’s a quiet, solitary rush, one that’s equal parts awe and beautifully exacted geometry. Cutting a path through the open air, high above the smoldering rubble of Ascension City, you can identify with Nathan Spencer; there’s no other way to put it than that bionic swinging just feels right. And the rush Spencer would feel, of taming gravity and momentum to his own ends, the wind whipping over him, is so strong that it easily translates from simply playing with the mechanic to developing a true intimacy with it.

 

That the title screen’s score kicks up (as an accompaniment to an action-packed gameplay montage) only after idling through the softer piano arrangement is a testament to Bionic Commando’s emphasis on swing dynamics over running and gunning (low ammunition counts notwithstanding). Spencer himself even shares in the general sentiment. Clearly reveling in the moment, he’ll occasionally let loose a howl like a crazed bionic wolf while in the midst of a freefall or massive swing.

 

Although the rest of the game is generally no slouch, it’s clear that Grin put innumerable hours into fine-tuning and perfecting the use of Spencer’s bionic arm, and the results really speak for themselves. To be clear, the aerodynamic attention to detail is astounding. Spencer jerks in the air when grappling something too close for his current trajectory and adjusts his body with the angle and arch of each new swing; His lift, heft and weight all contribute to the extended arm’s behavior, whose physics are just about perfect. Even on the ground, Spencer moves with a mixture of poise and acrobatics, blindly flinging Stielhandgranate-style grenades with pointed accuracy when turned away from an enemy and displaying an acrobatic agility while, say, twisting around in an expertly performed backward leap. Animation this absorbing (and fluid) isn’t just rare in an action game, but in any game, period.

 

I’m thanking my lucky stars that Grin recognized Spencer’s general acrobatic license, and especially his bionics, are and damn well needed to be at the core of Bionic Commando’s gameplay experience, as the game has many instances where it could have just devolved into a repetitive bulletfest. After Bionic Commando Rearmed, which was quite possibly the best retro revival remake you could possibly ask for (save for maybe an unannounced Grin-developed Strider), I wasn’t at all sure this next-gen sequel would go over as well. But Grin sticks their old school guns (or should I say, arm). The game is all the better for it.

 

Unfortunately, there’s a price to be paid for all this goodness, and it’s one whose presence I find pretty inexplicable—the game is far too segmented (also, loading times can get kind of ridiculous, and that’s not something I usually care about). The kind of exhilaration Bionic Commando brings is a feeling that should be both carefree and expansive, yet the levels design is broken up into small chunks. What’s worse is that you can’t even revisit areas of the city. A game like this deserves to be vast, open and streaming, more akin to wide open vistas of the virtually load-free Prince of Persia. Instead, the swinging, as fantastic as it is, seems in part almost like a cruel tease; the minute you start really enjoying yourself, most of the time you’ve reached the tunnel that leads to the next part of the game. Once you come to grips with this, it’s not too bad, but it will likely bother you right up until the game’s ending, which I won’t get into here. I’ll just say it’s unexpectedly great, hits you like a smack in the face, and could arguably put an existential spin to the game’s preceding actions up to that point.

 

play magazine's ridiculously good review of the bionic commando reboot. (which by my understanding got an average score of 5/10 across gaming mags and reviews) it takes up three frikkin pages on the website!!! i only posted the first 2. other worthy quotes:

 

And those dreads—I’ll never understand why Grin chose to give Spencer such terrible hair, but like Tom Hanks’ goofy ‘do in The Da Vinci Code, you get used to it after awhile.

apparently, that's the biggest problem

Grin didn’t even give Spencer the ability to duck behind cover and take potshots at enemies. Thank god there’s still some originality left in the industry.

WTF?

Even boss encounters and set pieces are kept to a bare minimum. There’s times when the sparse narrative doesn’t make a lot of sense, and some things are only explained in inference, but you probably won’t care.

You don’t play Bionic Commando to find out what those dastardly BioReign bastards are up to (though I will admit the absence of Reamed’s silly tone is noticeable). You play it to lose yourself of swinging far above a gushing waterfall in a sun-dappled forest, or a giant indoor arboretum—for the effortless thrill of it all. And really, isn’t that why we games in the first place?

yes, that is why we Games in the first place

The reason you bought a PS3 or 360

 

Play magazine is so proud that it got rid of its Numbered scoring system....... yet on the website they gave bionic commando a 9.0/10. i havent played BC myself, so i cant really say too much, but for a game that's been so hated this seems just a bit much :/

Edited August 24, 2009 by axel_napalm

[Iambaytor]

That reviewer probably added at least 2 figures to his bank account for that one. When he gets his fire-engine read ferari I think the license plate should read "CPT-SHL" (meditate on it, you'll get it eventually. And if you don't, you're probably an asshole.)

[Thelogan]

That reviewer probably added at least 2 figures to his bank account for that one.

 

Precisely. I get Play magazine pretty regular from work (for free), it's just....well...it's just awful. 2 months before they ran that review, Bionic Commando was the cover story with a giant preview inside. They get a lot of "exclusive" info, I think it's pretty clear how they get it.

 

This quote is from the magazine review, I guess it was too laughable to make it online. This isn't a joke.

 

...this is the reason you bought an xbox or a PS3.

 

That fucking floors me. T

hey also said Sonic: Unleashed was one of the best games to come out last year, same MO. Big cover story, blowjob preview.

 

They are scum with a capitol "CUM".

[The NZA]

Sonic Unleashed is next on my gamefly queue (since christ knows Batman's not gonna be in stock), and ima give an honest, somewhat sober review here on hondo's. im hyped.

[Thelogan]

I'm sure it has it's moments, the non-werehog bits look fun and old school...but game of the year contender? That's Rick-diculous.

 

I've never played it, but I feel comfortable in assuming it's no Fallout.

Edited August 24, 2009 by Thelogan Prime

[Jables]

Sonic Unleashed is next on my gamefly queue (since christ knows Batman's not gonna be in stock), and ima give an honest, somewhat sober review here on hondo's. im hyped.

 

Et tu, Nicolai? What's next? 'Ask me' review threads?

[The NZA]

ah, so this is what brought on your odd movement.

 

its just, in gaming circles, Sonic Unleashed is treated as a punchline, mostly due to the nighttime were-hog. i honestly enjoyed the demo (devoid of said creature) and am curious to see if his existence breaks the game; if it turns out to be fun, id like to come back & let people know: dont believe the hype, this one's ok.

 

yeah, i have an odd habit of playing things and checking back in here to say what i thought of them. this is...fuck, you've read threads in the entertainment forums, yeah?

[Jables]

Stating opinions differs from reviewing in that simple distinction. A rose reviewed by any other name will smell like attention-whoring. Don't get me wrong man, I value your opinion on things, I just hate to see you bend to that awful fucking trend that's cropped up.

[The NZA]

you're making a distinction between "stating opinions" and "reviewing" (something i figure ive done both in the various hondo's journal threads) that im not seeing, man. a review, by my call, is just a bit more detailed/thorough, but i dont see it as a negative unless its pretentious.

[Jables]

Calling it a review betrays pretension(it's a word now). The minute you go from offering an opinion to writing a review, you're telling people you have something worth reading. Not saying reviews are bad, or that pretentious cunts are a bad thing(pots and kettles), I'm just thinking when there were two or three 'ask me' threads, it was a nice little token. Then everyone saw how much attention it got and made it a bandwagon the extent that the wheels fell off and the fucking thing slid on momentum alone into shits creek. Baytor's reviews probably have a thing, the guy's aspiring to be a writer so it's fitting in his case. Ruby's question thread was genuinely helpful, every other arsehat thinking their unique perspective warrants a review or question thread is slightly beyond the pail. Sure it's not such a pain wading through a gajillion signs saying 'lookit me'(moreso in CS than ENtertainment), but it's probably gonna reach a point where all folks will do is, in a topic for any given movie, simply link to their fucking blog as opposed to discussing the motherfucker. On that day, Hondos becomes HondosBar.com: Drinks, discussion miniblogs & review threads, whores.

 

And we'll finally have some genuine fucking whores then, too.

Edited August 24, 2009 by The JZA

[The NZA]

....i still have no idea what that has to do with reviewing sonic. the journal thread's been around for years; i dont sign em "looking me, look for my reviews!", i try to point to which ones are worth playing vs passing up. i mean, we both do this in the comics thread, so unless you're after hakujin for his mini-reviews, im still lost, man.

[IceManML]

Help your fellow gamer avoid paying $$$ for garbage.

 

I was going to buy armored core v" , the new ssx and asura's wrath" yesterday, as I've been waiting for all of these games since they've been announced.

However, given my experience with dumb friken pieces of .., uh... "wonder" such as NFS the run" and soul calibur 5, I stood in the store last minute looking up reviews.

 

Needless to say all the games i was about to buy barely got past an avg rating of 5/10.

 

So instead I ended up walking out of the store with gran turismo and ninja gaiden 3.

 

Anything on anyone else's "stay away" list?

Input is greatly appreciated.

Edited March 24, 2012 by IceManML

[Mortiis558]

Asura's Wrath is actually a decent game tho. Maybe not worth $60 but it's not a "Terrible Game" by any means.

 

The new SSX and Armored Core you were good to stay away from.

Edited March 24, 2012 by Mortiis558

[Keth]

Shoulda kept ninja gaiden on the shelf...

 

[IceManML]

I was gonna get ninja gaiden regardless. I'm a fan since Nintendo.

 

I played the demo of asura's wrath n didn't like how controlled the gameplay was. I rather just watch a movie T_T.

Edited March 24, 2012 by IceManML

[Keth]

http://www.hondosbar.com/forum/index.php?/topic/9754-games-that-are-terrible/

[Mortiis558]

I was gonna get ninja gaiden regardless. I'm a fan since Nintendo.

 

I played the demo of asura's wrath n didn't like how controlled the gameplay was. I rather just watch a movie T_T.

I gotcha there, it was very much just an interactive movie. But for being that I still thought it was decent. Though I need to go back and play it again and see how long the game is when you skip all the cutscenes, I would guess about an hour, MAYBE two...lol.

[IceManML]

Lol yea... In that case I'll just get sum popcorn n snuggle up in front o da YouTube

Edited April 6, 2012 by IceManML

[Thrizzle]

This thread was a fun read. Was this the debut of a young upstart axels?

 

So...anyone play any shitty games lately? I barely have time for good games lately.