Things I've learned from Porn

[BigChiefSlapaho]

What I have learned from watching porn

 

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

 

2. Men are never impotent.

 

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

 

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

 

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

 

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

 

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

 

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

 

9. A blowjob will always get a women off a speeding ticket.

 

10. All women are noisy fucks.

 

11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

 

12. Those tits are real.

 

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

 

14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

 

15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. and the girl isn't disgusted

 

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

 

17. Asian men don't exist.

 

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

 

19. There's a plot.

 

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

 

21. Nurses suck patients cocks.

 

22. Men always pull out.

 

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.

 

24. Women never have headaches... or periods.

 

25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".

 

26. Assholes are clean.

 

27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.

 

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.

 

29. Men don't have to beg.

 

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

[BigChiefSlapaho]

I mean honestly... I don't know what guy doesn't live by rule 30.

[The NZA]

That...is one helluva list.  Nice job on the quote, too.

[BigChiefSlapaho]

So what's your Wu-name?

[The NZA]

Eh..send me the link again.

PS Chief - Ill fuckin..ill fuckin put ya balls onna table and stab them shits with a rusty screwdriva...