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7 Pricks Who Defied The Odds And Didn’t Go Into Finance



Seemingly destined to fall into finance like the rest of his asshole friends, Aaron died in a camping accident when he was 15. R.I.P.




Is your dad proud of you?




What This Adorable Little Girl Says Will Melt Your Heart


This Video Seems Silly, But It Makes A Good Point








again, HuffPo & Buzzfeed totally on blast here...i'm still dealing with the ramifications of the Mad Men character test myself

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The Saga of This Man



This man Realizes the one person he wanted to come to the party isn't showing up


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This man let's his departing roommate take all of the pans, even though he is pretty sure one of them belongs to him

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This man is missing a concert because he didn't have the backbone to ask his boss to leave early

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This man successfully ignores a mother yelling at her child

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This man is able to leave a conversation without anyone noticing

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This man agreed to join his friend's flashmob even though he is doing it for the girl he secretly loves

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This man only knows a few lyrics to this song, but nobody notices

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  • 10 months later...

Clickhole (temporarily?) rebranded 'PatriotHole'


The stooges of the Leftist Media conspiracy want to silence the hardworking, God-smooching Americans who make this country the greatest in the world and represent millions of dollars in untapped web traffic. Well, we won’t have it. PatriotHole refuses to stand by as good, loud, sleep-with-a-Bible-between-their-thighs Americans go unheard and unexploited for monetary gain. That’s our America Promise to you, which is like a normal promise but slightly better.








Syrian gynecologist


And don’t assume that your Christian daughter is safe if she isn’t pregnant, because Ahmed rubs sensual shawarma spices on his body with a fragrance that makes daughters so horny for abortion that they get pregnant and turn their innocent vaginas toward Mecca.


Run to your daughter’s room, because it’s possible she already snuck her swollen womb out the window and is riding on Ahmed’s camel to romantic Niagara Falls. She’s lusting for Ahmed to tear your unborn grandchild out of her cervix and drown it in the jacuzzi at the Howard Johnson where they’re staying. Hunky Ahmed M.D. is board-certified by NARAL and going to unleash a Ramadan of destruction on your daughter’s third trimester, unless you act fact.





Codenamed J.U.A.N.A. (Jihad Upon America via Naturalized Automaton), the 9-foot-tall, 1.5-ton biomechanical super-immigrant is custom-engineered to ruthlessly seize valuable U.S. resources and employment opportunities with terrifying efficiency. A team of liberal Berkeley researchers, all of whom are lesbians, began work on the undocumented humanoid in the days immediately following the Obama administration’s unconstitutional 2012 passage of the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals policy (DACA), building a sophisticated titanium and carbon-fiber exoskeleton around a Mexican-born fetus to ensure that their creation would be deportation-proof. Financed by George Soros, Planned Parenthood, and your hard-earned tax dollars, the project utilized virtually unlimited funds to forge perhaps the most fearsome threat to our economic and cultural wellbeing since Brown v. Board of Education.


Sources who have witnessed J.U.A.N.A. in action describe it in harrowing detail, noting that if it senses a human competing with it for an open job, it will say “I WILL DO IT FOR BELOW MINIMUM WAGE” to the potential employer and then proceed to hurl the American applicant hundreds of feet into the sky.


Further, sources say it has a smartphone that’s even nicer than the one you probably have, purchased with, one would assume, food stamps.






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Well, well, well, well, well, WELL, well, well. Looks like word has gotten out that alpha king Donald Drumpf is the new president of America, and lo and behold, the beta leftist ding-dongs are crying cups and cups of sadness everywhere because they didn’t get their way. Well, guess what, libtards. Cry all you want, because I am VERY much enjoying things here in my LIBERAL TEARS BATHTUB, where I am washing the gunk from my CREASES with LIBERAL SNOWFLAKE TEARS in order to deal with my AGGRESSIVE and ALARMING skin problem.


Yep, that’s right, cucks. DONALD DRUMPF is the leader of the free world, and yours truly is blissfully holed up in a lukewarm tub full of your pitiful yet SURPRISINGLY CURATIVE tears. I got this wretched belly skin that stinks like sin, with all kinds of putrid SILTLIKE BACTERIA growing in the FLAPS. It looks like a forest of oozing toenails sprouting out of muenster cheese, but instead of begging for OBAMACARE HANDOUTS to keep that shit at bay, I’ve discovered that your SJW chuckle-fuck tears make for a WONDERFULLY effective TOPICAL REMEDY that also tempers the SWEET-ONION STINK. Rub-a-dub-dub, P.C. asswipes! God-emperor Drumpf Benghazi’d the shit out of Crooked Hillary, and now all your bitch-ass snowflake tears are the HEALING SALVE in which I bathe, or my DECREPIT SKIN would likely fall off like a SNOW CONE BEING CHUCKED INTO A WALL.

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  • 3 months later...

Lying Sack Of Shit: Mom Claims Just Having The Family Around For Mother’s Day Is Enough Of A Gift



We love that conniving bitch more than anything, and we’re giving her a Mother’s Day to remember, no matter what tall tale she’s trying to trick us with.


This two-faced snake who gave us the gift of life is going to a fancy restaurant, despite her best efforts to deceive us. She’s going to eat a buttered lobster if we have to shove it down her lying throat ourselves.




Also: Resistancehole.



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