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Fuck Telemarketers


The NZA
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Here's a real phone conversation. If you can steer a conversation lik this guy did, you'll be alright:

 

One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this:

 

(swallowing)

Me: Hello

AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?

Me: May I ask who is calling?

AT&T: This is AT&T.

Me: OK, hold on.

 

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that,

surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.

 

Me: Hello?

AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?

Me: May I ask who is calling please?

AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?

Me: Yes, is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: The phone company?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.

AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.

Me: I already have a phone.

AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.

Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.

 

When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but this lady was persistent.

 

AT&T: Mr. Byron we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

 

Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute but she at no time used the word "rate." I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.

 

Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?

AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir that's right! 24 hours a day!

Me: 7 days a week?

AT&T: That's right.

Me: 365 days a year?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!

AT&T: We think so!

Me: That's quite a sum of money!

AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.

Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?

AT&T: Excuse me?

Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.

AT&T: What are you talking about?

Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.

AT&T: Oh no sir I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.

Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute. Are you sure this is AT&T?

AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......

Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10

cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read a

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I personally liked the old Seinfeld "Yes, im interested, but not now...can i have your home phone #? Wha, you dont like phone calls at home? Neither do I."

But :D got in the habbit of sexually harrassing them..."Would you be interested in a long distance carrier?" "Well, the depends baby, what you wearin?" :D

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  • 1 month later...

This is one my friend Eric pulled with a credit card telemarketer:

I was on the

phone

> with Discover last week, here's how that call went:

>

> Discover: "Well sir, you need to make a payment or your account will be

> closed. Once the account is closed, it will leave a permanent mark on

your

> credit."

> Me: "Well, at least I will have some closure. See, if you close my

account

> and then tattle on me, I will never make a payment again as long as I

live.

> So the good news for you guys is that you can save on stamps and paper and

> take me off your mailing list."

> Discover: "Whether the account is closed or not sir, you would still be

> responsible for making the payments on your balance."

> Me: "You know what? I'm going to gather up all of the bills you guys have

> sent me, dig a hole in the ground, put myself and the bills inside that

> hole, and then fill myself in. You guys would probably come dig me up to

> get the money huh?"

> Discover: "No sir, that's not our practice."

> Me: (sad voice) "oh, so you're saying you wouldn't come and try to rescue

> me?"

> Discover: "Sir, I'm not sure what you're talking about, but you do need to

> make a payment on this bill."

> Me: "Nah."

>

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You know... working as a bill collector for over 2 years w/ FUNB, I've heard them all.

 

I do know that it can be extremely frustrating to get calls from people when you're past due on things, but sadly, that's the way it goes. Noone told you to ring up the balance you have and all of a sudden realize you can't pay it. You should accept the consequences and realize that the Banks WILL call for their money, often. I've seen the damage that credit cards can do to a person's future when payments aren't made, I handled people's Equifax reports on a daily basis... it's not pretty.

 

Telemarketing is a whole other ballgame though. Those people should be shot.

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