Jump to content
Hondo's Bar

Acalis

Trekkies
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    5,989

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    1

 Content Type 

Posts posted by Acalis

    Chrono Trigger

    in The Game Room

    Posted

    I haven't gotten around to that one, i use to get so excited about new Final Fantasy games but 11 just killed that for me, I'll have to get around to buying it eventually.

    Well FF-12 definitely brought the spirit back into the FF games that 11 just killed. The only thing is the fighting style is a little different. It somewhat combines the traditional command-based fight scenes with that of hand-to-hand fighthing like in Zelda or Secret of Mana, but it's still a great game!

    Chrono Trigger

    in The Game Room

    Posted

    The only music I remember from 5 that really got the classical music nerd within me panting and howling like the wolf in a Tex Avery cartoon was Gilgamesh' super fast piano theme which later appeared when he became a summon in Final Fantasy 8.

    It also appears in Final Fantasy 12, since Gilgamesh is a boss you fight twice in that game.

    Chrono Trigger

    in The Game Room

    Posted · Edited by Acalis

    Aw, I was hoping this was going to be about the purported third game that was hopefully going to fix all the shit the second game fucked up.

     

    And what can be said about Chrono Trigger, it has turned based fighting but none of those stupid fucking random encounters, the characters were all intelligent and fleshed out, it was funny, it was tragic, it was fucking awesome and all of this almost made up for the fact that it was criminally short.

     

    Magus' battle theme is up there with Kefka's theme from Final Fantasy 6, Shadow's Theme from Final Fantasy 6, the Silent Hill theme, the Secret of Mana theme, and the theme to GTA: Liberty City Stories as some of the best video game music probably ever.

    It's a shame Final Fantasy V was never released for the SNES outside of Japan. When I first played it on the emulators (before FF5-6 came out on PlayStation), the music was just damn awesome! It's right up there in my opinion just behind FF6 and Secret of Mana!

     

    Chrono Trigger had some great music too! My particular favorite from that game was the music for The Land of Zeal.

    Chrono Trigger

    in The Game Room

    Posted

    This is still one of my favorite games from SNES to this day. I especially loved the New Game+ feature, which lets you start the game from the beginning, but with all your levels and items from the previous game. It's satisfying to defeat the first few bosses with just one hit!

     

    "TAKE THAT GATO, YOU FUCKIN' NAZI! YOU'RE EASIER TO BEAT THAN A GAME OF YAHTZEE!"

     

    (cheesy I know, but don't you all groan at once)

    Indiana Jones: Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls

    in Mystery Hondo's Theater 3000

    Posted

    Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: The Abridged Script

     

    By: Rod Hilton

     

    FADE IN:

     

    EXT. NEVADA DESERT

     

    PRODUCER FRANK MARSHALL immediately proves his commitment to using CGI “only when necessary” by featuring completely necessary CGI prairie dogs in the first shot of the movie.

     

    A bunch of cars drive through the DESERT to AREA 51. HARRISON FORD’S SHADOW, then HARRISON FORD’S SHOE, then HARRISON FORD’S ARM, then HARRISON FORD’S HAT and finally HARRISON FUCKING FORD are eventually revealed.

     

    HARRISON FORD

     

    Alright folks, let’s get this show on the road. I want to make it to Country Buffet by four.

     

    CATE BLANCHETT

     

    Pryvet, Harrison. I am evil Soviet. You vill help me find Moose and Squirrel, yes?

     

     

    HARRISON FORD

     

    Holy Christ, you’re not going to talk like that the whole movie are you?

     

    CATE BLANCHETT

     

    Da. You vill help locate MacKuffin now.

     

    HARRISON FORD

     

    Fine. The thing you’re looking for is super magnetic, so if we just throw this gunpowder into the air it will lead us to the MacGuffin.

     

    RAY WINSTONE

     

    Nineteen years to write this movie and that’s how it’s going to start? Really? I think I’m going to write myself out of this movie as much as possible by revealing myself to be a double agent.

     

    RAY turns on HARRISON. CATE escapes with the MACGUFFIN and HARRISON gets away, only to find himself in the middle of a NUCLEAR TEST SITE that is apparently located within walking distance of AREA 51.

     

    HARRISON FORD

     

    Holy shit, a nuclear bomb! I’ll hide in this lead-lined fridge to protect myself from the radiation that will permeate the area shortly after the ten-million degree heat generated by the blast is done obliterating every single object in a 5 mile radius!

     

    Somehow, this WORKS. HARRISON FORD emerges from the fridge with his face covered in black soot, holding a sign that reads “ouch.”

     

    INT. MARSHALL COLLEGE

     

    HARRISON teaches his film class entitled “How To Ruin Millions Of Childhoods In 2 Hours” when he is interrupted by the DEAN, JIM BROADBENT.

     

    JIM BROADBENT

     

    Sorry Harrison, I have to let you go. The government thinks you might be a Soviet. Apparently someone rented “K-19: The Widowmaker” and panicked.

     

    HARRISON FORD

     

    Bullshit, nobody saw that movie.

     

    HARRISON packs up props from the prior films, but is interrupted by SHIA LABEOUF.

     

    SHIA LABEOUF

     

    Hey, my mother and John Hurt have been kidnapped. My mom said you’d help me because every great adventure film needs an insufferable douchebag sidekick.

     

    HARRISON FORD

     

    Your mom knew me? Well it seems painfully obvious that you’re going to turn out to be my son, then.

     

    SHIA LABEOUF

     

    And yet, that’s going to be mentioned later in the movie as though it’s some kind of shocking revelation.

     

    Suddenly, more CARTOONY SOVIETS show up and try to kidnap SHIA and HARRISON.

     

    SHIA LABEOUF

     

    Shit, they have guns. What do we do?

     

    HARRISON FORD

     

    Just wait until the movie gets re-released in a few years and they’ll be replaced with walkie-talkies.

     

    SHIA and HARRISON escape on a motorcycle. Crazy stunts are performed in order to evade the SOVIETS.

     

    SHIA LABEOUF

     

    Are we really expecting audiences to put up with this? We’re violating like ten thousand laws of physics here.

     

    HARRISON FORD

     

    Are you joking, kid? That makes this the most realistic action scene in the movie.

     

    EXT. SOUTH AMERICA

     

    SHIA and HARRISON go to SOUTH AMERICA to look for the next CLUE. SHIA flips his knife around in his hand trying to look badass, but actually grabs it by the blade. Twice. Seriously.

     

    HARRISON FORD

     

    Alright, the walkthrough for the movie says that our next clue is in a spooky graveyard. We should probably save our game here.

     

    SHIA LABEOUF

     

    Pick up MAP. Use MAP on HARRISON FORD. Walk To TOMB.

     

    They travel to an underground tomb and find a CRYSTAL MACGUFFIN using its super-powerful magnetic properties.

     

    SHIA LABEOUF

     

    That crystal skull looks like an alien head. And the Soviets were looking for an alien corpse stored in Area 51. Golly, there sure is a lot of alien stuff.

     

    HARRISON FORD

     

    If you’re trying to mentally ready the audience for the ending, don’t bother. I’ve read through the script, nothing can prepare moviegoers for what happens at the end.

     

    Suddenly, SOVIETS show up and kidnap SHIA and HARRISON. They bring them back to their camp, where HARRISON finds JOHN HURT and KAREN ALLEN. CATE BLANCHETT embarrasses herself some more and eventually they all travel into the AMAZON FOREST.

     

    HARRISON FORD

     

    What are we doing in the Amazon?

     

    KAREN ALLEN

     

    Cate wants to return the Crystal MacGuffin to the ancient City of Gold.

     

    HARRISON FORD

     

    City of Gold? Isn’t that what Nicolas Cage was looking for in National Treasure 2? Are we seriously getting the plot for our shitty sequel to Indiana Jones by ripping off the plot of a shitty sequel to a shitty knock-off of Indiana Jones? I feel like that should unravel the space-time continuum or something.

     

    A caravan of vehicles, led by a giant tree-cutting machine, travels deep into the AMAZON FOREST. HARRISON uses a CHEAT CODE to spawn a ROCKET LAUNCHER, then uses it to blow up the tree-cutting machine.

     

    SHIA LABEOUF

     

    I’m pretty sure the audience came here to see more Shia LaBeouf, so I’m going to fence Cate Blanchett in front of an obvious green screen.

     

    HARRISON FORD

     

    Wait, what are they chasing us through? Are there roads in the middle of the jungle? Why the hell did we bother showing that tree-cutting thing if we were just going to contradict the very thing it was trying to establish?

     

    KAREN ALLEN

     

    That’s what’s so great about this movie - we can just do whatever the hell we want, because even glaringly obvious flaws like that are dwarfed by the sheer magnitude of failure that is the rest of the movie.

     

    To illustrate this, SHIA LEBEOUF flies up into the FUCKING JUNGLE and swings like FUCKING TARZAN along the FUCKING VINES with a FUCKING ARMY of CGI FUCKING MONKEYS. That actually FUCKING HAPPENS.

     

    Everyone eventually winds up in the CITY OF GOLD.

     

    INT. CITY OF GOLD

     

    HARRISON solves a few simple puzzles and gains access to the CITY. Some natives show up and attack, but are quickly dispatched, making the AUDIENCE wonder why they were introduced at all.

     

    HARRISON FORD

     

    Alright, the aliens or whatever want me to return the crystal to some ridiculous alien throne room.

     

    CATE BLANCHETT

     

    Not zo fast. I vill return skull instead.

     

    HARRISON FORD

     

    Shouldn’t it have been taken as an indicator of a writing problem when the good guy and the bad guy in a movie have the exact same goal?

     

    CATE takes the skull and places it on a THRONE. It then turns into an ACTUAL ALIEN and makes her head explode. The ALIENS pile into a GIANT UFO and fly off into SPACE.

     

    HARRISON FORD

     

    Wow. Considering that the first movie revolved around a magical box made by God that melts faces when opened, it’s really astonishing that this movie managed to be so incredibly stupid by comparison.

     

    JOHN HURT

     

    I can’t believe that the crystal skull wanted you to return it to the city just so that aliens could have blown your head up. Those aliens are total assholes.

     

    SHIA LABEOUF

     

    Seriously, what kind of jerks would intentionally trick people into thinking they were going to get something awesome, but then give them something so awful it makes their brains melt instead?

     

    GEORGE LUCAS AND STEVEN SPIELBERG

     

    Rich jerks! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

     

    END

    LMAO!!!!! Wow that made me laugh so hard I almost shot Pepsi out of my nose! :love:

    Indiana Jones: Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls

    in Mystery Hondo's Theater 3000

    Posted

    Get a load of this article about a possible Fifth Indiana Jones movie:

     

    Lucas: 'Indy 5' A Possibility

     

    George Lucas tells me it’s more than a strong possibility there will be a fifth "Indiana Jones." He says that he and director Steven Spielberg have left the door open for a sequel to "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull."

     

    Lucas, looking dandy with slicked-back gray and white hair in a snappy tuxedo, was a guest Thursday night at Paramount/DreamWorks’s party for "Kung Fu Panda" at the 61st Cannes Film Festival.

     

    The swell event was set up on the pier across from the Carlton Hotel, where the studio spared no expense recreating sets and treating guests to haute Chinese cuisine. There was even one of the 40 pandas from the publicity stunt the day before, dancing in the crowd to Carl Carlton’s old hit "Kung Fu Fighting."

     

    Lucas had a lot to say about the new "Indy" and its future.

     

    "I haven’t even told Steven or Harrison this," he said. "But I have an idea to make Shia [LeBeouf] the lead character next time and have Harrison [Ford] come back like Sean Connery did in the last movie. I can see it working out."

     

    "And it’s not like Harrison is even old. I mean, he’s 65 and he did everything in this movie. The old chemistry is there, and it’s not like he’s an old man. He’s incredibly agile; he looks even better than he did 20 years ago, if you ask me."

     

    Lucas says he’s not concerned about early mixed buzz on "Crystal Skull."

     

    "This movie is the exact same experience as the other three were. The difference is, the novelty of discovery is gone. I get worried when I hear fans say they’re expecting something different that will change their lives. This is 'Indiana Jones' just as you remember him."

     

    But that’s exactly the gamble Spielberg and Lucas took with reviving their icon. Expectation grows into a frenzy and then no one in that frame of mind can be satisfied.

     

    You already can see this with "Sex and the City: The Movie" and it hasn't even opened everywhere. Fans and even some critics want some transcendent experience. They almost seem upset that all they got was … "Sex and the City."

     

    Lucas has been here before, when he revived and extended the "Star Wars" series. The build-up to the release of the fourth installment (aka now Chapter 1), "Phantom Menace," was huge until it reached a fever pitch. Then, almost before it could be absorbed, "Phantom Menace" became the target of scorn from fanatics. Computer-generated character Jar Jar Binks was public enemy No. 1.

     

    But "Star Wars" continues to thrive. In August, Lucas says, he’s releasing an animated 90-minute "Star Wars" movie to theaters via Warner Bros. called "Clone Wars." It will be followed in September by an animated series on the Cartoon Network and TNT.

     

    "No one wanted it," he told me. "Every studio rejected it, including Fox, and I’m very loyal to them. They have right of first refusal. Eventually I brought it to Warners. It’s the first time that three components of the studio have acted together. It’s very exciting.

     

    "But the story is that everyone said, 'No one gets this. It’s just … 'Star Wars.'' I said, 'That’s right, It’s just 'Star Wars.' Just like this is … 'Indiana Jones.''"

     

    Oh, yes, and by the way: If "Crystal Skull" breaks records when it opens on May 22, Lucas could wind up having his name on a fourth title in the all-time box office top 10 (it would be Spielberg’s second).

     

    "But these movies — the 'Indiana Jones' ones — were never big hits right away. They were always slow starters that built up to big numbers," Lucas insisted.

     

    I don’t think that will be the case with this one. And the notion that a sequel already is playing around in his head should only fuel the heady numbers about to be posted.

     

    This was the part that scared me:

     

    "I haven’t even told Steven or Harrison this," he said. "But I have an idea to make Shia [LeBeouf] the lead character next time and have Harrison [Ford] come back like Sean Connery did in the last movie. I can see it working out."

    Please say it ain't so?!!!! You do not downgrade the main character into a side character in favor of a new character! If this is gonna be the angle for the next Indy movie, it will fail MISERABLY!!! :groucho:

    Porn on youtube?

    in Sensible Chuckle

    Posted · Edited by Acalis

    wow

     

    i swear to you not a rickroll.

     

    it was added in january, how is it still there?

     

    also it's kinda funny,

    she does some wierd exotic bird type dance

    Not surprised. Youtube has clips from actual porn movies, like this one:

     

     

     

    Also, there's a "porno" version of Youtube called youporn.com.

    Emulators & ROMs

    in The Game Room

    Posted

    Thought I'd revive this thread. Still looking for a good site to download ROMs. I used to go to nerologic.com, but the site has changed, and no longer has downloadable Roms like it did back in the day.

    The Hobbit

    in Mystery Hondo's Theater 3000

    Posted

    Why does every think Bilbo's age will be a factor? He stops aging from when he gets the ring at the end of the Hobbit until he gives Frodo the ring at the beginning of Fellowship! Gandalf himself exclaimed that Bilbo looked like he hadn't aged a day since he last saw him! 44years old, 111 years old, it's all the same for Bilbo!

    It's not Bilbo's age that concerns most people, it's Ian Holm's age, considering the man is in his mid 70s, and it may be difficult for him to play a younger version of Bilbo convincingly. However, if he thinks he can do it, then I would so approve of it!

×
×
  • Create New...