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The Dark Knight

So here is my review of this movie, and after i say what i have to say many of you will be pissed off and stuff, but i dont care because i need to say it. The Dark Knight sucked, plain and simple. Why? well lets see there are plenty of reasons, many of which i will inform you. First the actors: Where's Michael Caine? I want Alfred! i dont want him having random lines every 20 minutes or so, i want his witty banter. What about Morgan Freeman? He's in very little of the film as well, centering on his severe distaste for bruce's tactics to take down the joker at the end of the film, thats retarded. What about christian bale? The man didn't even look like he wanted to be there at the moment, he was bored! Now i'm not downplaying Ledgers performance, being as it was the only highlight of the film besdies Aaron Eckhart's Dent, but thats it guys, face it! Let's see Mr. Nolan went and took his only chance to make a good batman film and threw it to the very hungry sharks.Whats all this crap about social philosophy? Forget that crap, Joker was mad as a hatter in the comics and cartoons, not some social anarachist who lived to see people mess up their own heads. thats just stupid. Oh and what else? the camera was jumpy, there's little batman and and over-abundance of bruce wayne being bruce wayne. I'm sure my 9 month old daughter could come up with a better batman film.So in conclusion: is there any hope at all for the dark knight? no. Should Ledger get the oscar? yes he should. Oh i do have to point out one fact that will remain with all of us and i'm sure deep down inside of you all that you know this is true, If Heath Ledger had not died when he did, The Dark Knight would not have made as much money as it has. 'Nuff said!Peace guys and remember EXCELSIOR!



REVAMP! Pulled this gem out of someone's myspace profile bloggity blog.


*let's just not copy and paste stuff from Baytor's and Hajerkinit's review threads. That ain't fair :2T:

Edited by axel_napalm
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  • 2 months later...



I simply loved it. I can’t wait to see it again. (Squeal!) I know other websites have been giving it a big thumbs up and I definitely agree. I’m not a movie critic…but I am a Twilight lover and I know that it was worth the wait - I was just a little bit nervous beforehand wondering if it was possible for the movie to be as good as the book…and I think they did a great job interpreting and following the book.


I don’t want to give too much away (I probably will - so if you don’t want to know stop reading now!), because I know a lot of you are dying to see it still, but I thought that the characters were just right and completely fascinating - they fit their descriptions really well. Since it was sort of a teen movie there was of course a little teen cheesiness here and there (you already knew that)…but that’s really just part of Twilight altogether and part of what makes it fun.


What surprised me the most was how much it made me laugh, some parts were really amusing! There was laughter and giggling all throughout the movie…I definitely wasn’t expecting that, but the funny moments seamlessly fit in and if you’ve read the book and know a few inside things, some of the scenes are even funnier.


The love scenes were perfect and the fight scenes were definitely suspenseful….OK, OK…I’m stopping. I could keep raving about it - so go see it when you get the chance



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  • 2 years later...

Dear christ what the fuck? What a travesty of a thread, I mean I'm sorry. Dear God, no quote tags or explanation. Someone should've reached through the screen and clocked me in the fucking mouth. For fuck's sake....



Anyway! Where I wanted to go with this thread is to put up idiotic reviews from the bowels of internet criticdom. They could be things you completely agree with and they are just written horribly. <<< That's what I shoulda opened with.


/fixed kinda




Eric D. Snider's snide (Baah hahahaha!) review of Eagle vs. Shark.


"Eagle vs Shark" really, really wants to be the New Zealand "Napoleon Dynamite." I mean REALLY. If "Napoleon Dynamite" were told from the point of view of Deb instead of Napoleon, and if everyone had Kiwi accents -- and if you removed the filmmakers' affection for their characters completely -- you'd have "Eagle vs Shark." But why would you want it?

The girl in this "geeks in love" story is Lily (Loren Horsley), a socially inept, crooked-smiling 20-something who works at a burger joint. Her parents are dead; she lives with her brother, Damien (Joel Tobeck), whose delusion -- everyone in this movie has delusions -- is that he's a great celebrity impersonator and an all-around funny guy.

Lily's crush is on Jarrod (Jemaine Clement), an electronics-store employee with a too-cool-for-school demeanor and a fondness for martial arts, both in real life and in video games. The joke, of course, is that he's not cool at all. He's a loser just like Lily and Damien. But he THINKS he's quite a catch.

Jarrod has been preparing to return to his hometown and beat up the guy who bullied him in high school. Lily joins him in his quest, and we meet Jarrod's family members, all cut from the same "get-a-load-of-what-dorks-they-are!" cloth.

In the meantime, Jarrod and Lily have an odd romance together. It's odd not just because they both are, but because it seems to be founded on the principle that Jarrod can be a senseless jerk and Lily can be OK with that. For you see, Jarrod isn't just immature and geeky; he's genuinely insensitive, breaking up with Lily almost as soon as they arrive at his hometown, suddenly making her an unwelcome guest who has no way to leave. Lily, no doubt lacking in the self-esteem department, doesn't seem to notice she's being mistreated until the film is nearly over.

Written and directed by Taika Waititi (who appears in flashbacks as Jarrod's dead brother, in whose shadow Jarrod still lives), the movie's definition of "funny" is identical to most people's definition of "random." Referring to his nemesis, Jarrod says, "He's gonna reap what he sowed, and it won't be corn. Or wheat." In discussing some of the festivities planned for an upcoming party: "My friend has a helmet, and he's gonna let us chuck shoes at his head." That kind of thing is funny here and there, but it's not much to base an entire screenplay on.

Everyone speaks with that dry lack of enthusiasm that characterized "Napoleon Dynamite." The difference is that "Napoleon" was genuinely quirky and seemed to be mocking its nerdy characters with some measure of affection; "Eagle vs Shark" is self-consciously odd and only wants to hold up its protagonists as objects of derision. There's no compassion here, and not many laughs, either.

Grade: C

Edited by axel_napalm
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  • 4 months later...

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