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RayRay's Internet Poop

MetalHeart

By MetalHeart
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MetalHeart Hondonian

MetalHeart

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As you guys know, I spam blargh and other unsuspecting threads with things I found on the internet that I find entertaining or god awful. I decided to condense all these things to one thread as one might excrete their poop into a toilet. I know you all love it when I IM you or post things that I think are the internet's gift to man, but I figured instead of shoving delicious Internet Poop down your throat or back into your anus that I will compile them all here!

 

Enjoy.

 

 

Some Best of Craigslist:

 

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/dal/796258913.html

 

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pit/551000306.html

 

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ftc/775415728.html

 

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/cos/689947124.html

 

 

 

 

And that's it for now. I'll be back to post more Internet Poop soon!

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MetalHeart Hondonian

MetalHeart

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I"ll get a list of some interesting blogs and post them soon!

 

I came across a great website called http://itemnotasdescribed.com. People submit failed craigslist items, and the commentary is the best part. All entries are accompanied by pictures and snippets of the original post.

 

 

http://itemnotasdescribed.com/2009/07/30/f...ds-veterens-bed

 

http://itemnotasdescribed.com/2009/07/23/f...eds-dreadlocks/

 

http://itemnotasdescribed.com/2009/07/20/f...ree-metal-shed/

 

http://itemnotasdescribed.com/2009/05/11/f...ieds-red-couch/

 

http://itemnotasdescribed.com/2009/07/24/f...and-mattresses/

 

http://itemnotasdescribed.com/2009/07/23/f...tary-court-999/

 

http://itemnotasdescribed.com/2009/07/21/f...fieds-grab-bag/

 

http://itemnotasdescribed.com/2009/07/17/f...ieds-laz-e-boy/

 

http://itemnotasdescribed.com/2009/07/16/f...fieds-cuspidor/

 

http://itemnotasdescribed.com/2009/07/11/f...tery-furniture/

 

http://itemnotasdescribed.com/2009/06/30/f...ds-two-for-one/

 

http://itemnotasdescribed.com/2009/06/28/f...eds-free-bited/

 

http://itemnotasdescribed.com/2009/06/26/f...ifieds-free-rv/

 

http://itemnotasdescribed.com/2009/06/15/f...your-blind-kid/

 

http://itemnotasdescribed.com/2009/06/15/f...ds-vintage-fan/

 

http://itemnotasdescribed.com/2009/05/22/f...eds-trampoline/

 

http://itemnotasdescribed.com/2009/06/08/f...ds-older-couch/

 

http://itemnotasdescribed.com/2009/05/26/f...ds-elmo-walker/

 

 

 

I know, I know, I posted a lot, but I weeded through a lot of shit for these gems. Just click on a few links and enjoy!

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MetalHeart Hondonian

MetalHeart

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Can't remember what I was looking for an hour ago after Cj and I finished enjoying the website above, but I found myself on Amazon looking at these:

 

Three Wolf Moon Shirt

Now, I had heard/seen this shirt before. But never before had I known about it's MAGIC. Truly amazing.

1249223053.jpg

 

 

 

The reviews are really what did me in for this:

 

http://www.amazon.com/review/R2XKMDXZHQ26Y...=cm_cr_rdp_perm

...Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women

Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.

 

http://www.amazon.com/review/R16DWLI3AVB43...=cm_cr_rdp_perm

Unfortunately I already had this exact picture tattooed on my chest, but this shirt is very useful in colder weather.

 

http://www.amazon.com/review/R177L1WR93N9V...=cm_cr_rdp_perm

...The Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt gave me a +10 resistance to energy attacks, +8 Strength, and added 30 feet to my normal leap. I cannot list the specific effects involving the opposite sex as I am still discovering these. And they are many.

Since owning the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt, I have successfully solved 7 crimes in my city, including 4 cold case murders. The local police force is currently wishing to retain my services.

 

http://www.amazon.com/review/R3S4IBAPCARJ4...=cm_cr_rdp_perm

For you left brain types out there, who are still unsure on whether or not this shirt would make a wise purchase, allow me to break it down for you.

Most shirts like this only contain one wolf. This shirt has three wolves, plus a moon. You are basically getting three wolves and a moon for the price on one wolf. You won't find that deal anywhere else.

 

http://www.amazon.com/review/R3SUI8RAVA6NF...=cm_cr_rdp_perm

So I got this wolf shirt because of, you know, the sweet wolves on it.

 

However, having owned this shirt for three weeks now and having tried it out in a variety of situations, both formal and informal, I'm beginning to believe that some of the benefits ---- as described by other reviewers ---- are exaggerated. For example, not ONE supermodel has approached me. Some of you may be used to having supermodels approach you on a regular basis but, believe me, I am not: I would notice one should she appear in my vicinity.

 

Similarly, I have not been invited to a vision quest, even though I wore my wolf shirt in New Mexico.

 

There is one thing, though, and that is that whenever I wear the wolf shirt I have a lot less issues with involuntary urination. I have not studied it long enough, however, to establish a cause/effect relationship.

 

Once, however, while wearing the wolf shirt I was mistaken for Schneider, the building superintendent on "One Day at a Time."

 

So I guess the jury is still out.

 

I decided to go to knowyourmeme.com (a new favorite site) to see what info they had. to my surprise, it was featured on the front page!!

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/three-wolf-moon

 

It gives a little info, but the pictures are the best. Including this AWESOME shirt design that I would purchase in a heartbeat it was ever made:

1249187094.jpg

 

 

In my internet travels on Amazon reading the wonderful praise of the Three Wolf Moon shirt (it's now on my amazon wishlist, you guys!) I saw this:

1249246760.jpg

 

 

Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00032G1S...me=&seller=

1249203088.jpg

 

I don't even like milk, and I clicked on it thirstily. This must be the juice of gods, if the same people who purchased/looked at that shirt also got the Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz.

 

1249204167.jpg

Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz puts hair on your chest. From the Customer image gallery on Amazon.

 

A few notable customer reviews:

 

http://www.amazon.com/review/RXXPVOUH9NLL3...t#RXXPVOUH9NLL3

(including the whole review for greatness):

By Edgar

 

Once upon a mid-day sunny, while I savored Nuts 'N Honey,

With my Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 gal, 128 fl. oz., I swore

As I went on with my lapping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of some one gently rapping, rapping at the icebox door.

'Bad condensor, that,' I muttered, 'vibrating the icebox door -

Only this, and nothing more.'

 

Not to sound like a complainer, but, in an inept half-gainer,

I provoked my bowl to tip and spill its contents on the floor.

Stupefied, I came to muddle over that increasing puddle,

Burgeoning deluge of that which I at present do adore -

Snowy Tuscan wholesomeness exclusively produced offshore -

Purg'ed here for evermore.

 

And the pool so white and silky, filled me with a sense of milky

Ardor of the type fantastic of a loss not known before,

So that now, to still the throbbing of my heart, while gently sobbing,

I retreated, heading straightway for the tempting icebox door -

Heedless of that pitter-patter tapping at the icebox door -

I resolved to have some more.

 

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,

'This,' said I, 'requires an extra dram of milk, my favorite pour.'

To the icebox I aspired, motivated to admire

How its avocado pigment complemented my decor.

Then I grasped its woodgrain handle - here I opened wide the door; -

Darkness there, and nothing more.

 

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,

Doubting, dreaming dreams of Tuscans I had known before

But the light inside was broken, and the darkness gave no token,

And the only words there spoken were my whispered words, 'No more!'

Coke and beer, some ketchup I set eyes on, and an apple core -

Merely this and nothing more.

 

Back toward the table turning, all my soul within me burning,

Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.

'Surely,' said I, 'surely that is something at my window lattice;

Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -

Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -

'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

 

From the window came a stirring, then, with an incessant purring,

Inside stepped a kitten; mannerlessly did she me ignore.

Not the least obeisance made she; not a minute stopped or stayed she;

But, with mien of lord or lady, withdrew to my dining floor -

Pounced upon the pool of Tuscan spreading o'er my dining floor -

Licked, and lapped, and supped some more.

 

Then this tiny cat beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,

By the grand enthusiasm of the countenance she wore,

Toward the mess she showed no pity, 'til I said, 'Well, hello, kitty!'

Sought she me with pretty eyes that seemed to open some rapport.

So I pleaded, 'Tell me, tell me what it is that you implore!'

Quoth the kitten, 'Get some more.'

 

http://www.amazon.com/review/RKT07YYORZMZE...t#RKT07YYORZMZE

...He always brought home milk on Friday.

After a long hard week full of days he would burst through the door, his fatigue hidden behind a smile. There was an icy jug of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz in his right hand. With his left hand he would grip my waist - I was always cooking dinner - and press the cold frostiness of the jug against my arm as he kissed my cheek. I would jump, mostly to gratify him after a time, and smile lovingly at him. He was a good man, a wonderful husband who always brought the milk on Friday, Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz.

 

http://www.amazon.com/review/R1AS5RY5XBQA7...=cm_cr_rdp_perm

This product gave me diarrhea. My brother got cholera, my mom got the measles and my sister broke her arm. Soon after, we lost a wagon wheel and a thief stole 3 oxen.

 

http://www.amazon.com/review/R1G4RO7T1KXOD...=cm_cr_rdp_perm

I'm not usually one to give in to the hype. But everyone keeps talking about this "tuscan milk" and how it's the new macarena. It's texas holdem, low carbs, and reality TV all rolled into one. But this is one fad that is sure to last...

 

And yes, there is a Know your meme for the Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl, albeit very tiny.

 

And now, courtesy of Knowyourmeme.com, a video explaining the two:

 

 

Ok, I'm done for now. I spent entirely way too long that I should have on this. Enjoy your dump!

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MetalHeart Hondonian

MetalHeart

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We have a Google Voice account now!

 

http://www.google.com/googlevoice/about.html

 

The link explains it all, but here's some stuff form the link above:

 

One number for all your calls and SMS

 

* Call screening - Announce and screen callers

* Listen in - Listen before taking a call

* Block calls - Keep unwanted callers at bay

* SMS - Send, receive, and store SMS

* Place calls - Call US numbers for free

* Taking calls - Answer on any of your phones

* Phone routing - Phones ring based on who calls

* Forwarding phones - Add phones and decide which ring

 

One number for all your calls and SMS

Voicemail as easy as email, with transcripts

 

* Voicemail transcripts - Read what your voicemail says

* Listen to voicemail - Check online or from your phone

* Notifications - Receive voicemails via email or SMS

* Personalize greeting - Vary greetings by caller

* Share voicemail - Forward or download voicemails

 

Voicemail as easy as email, with transcripts

More cool things you can do with Google Voice

 

* Conference calling - Join people into a single call

* Call record - Record calls and store them online

* Call switch - Switch phones during a call

* Mobile site - View your inbox from your mobile

* GOOG-411 - Check directory assistance

* Manage groups - Set preferences by group

 

More info later! Very excited about this! haha

 

I should also add that it gives discounted rates on international callinggggggg. And you can call or text from your account online or from your phone :D

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  • 2 weeks later...
MetalHeart Hondonian

MetalHeart

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Another great find by http://itemnotasdescribed.com

 

 

http://itemnotasdescribed.com/2009/08/27/f...nimal/#comments

 

Found by: Jen on Chicago Craigslist

 

1251829745.jpg

Won at Great America with my son many years ago, Any kid would like it. Needs a little fur cleaning but a nice big stuffed animal.

 

INAD commentary:

“Any kid would like it.”

 

Well sure, any kid with serious self-esteem issues.

 

Any kid whose parents never really liked her anyway.

 

Any blind kid. Who’s also anosmic.

 

Any kid living on the streets without an adequate blanket - he can cut it open and sleep in it for warmth, like Luke Skywalker in the belly of a Tauntaun.

 

Any kid at the bottom of the schoolyard pecking-order, who needs to take out his rage on something.

 

Any kid hoping the government comes up with some stuffed animal equivalent of “Cash for Clunkers.”

 

Any kid who knows how to manipulate adults by appearing unbearably pathetic.

 

Any kid . .

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  • 3 weeks later...
MetalHeart Hondonian

MetalHeart

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It's been a while, but don't you fret! I've come to give you more poop:

 

On my weekly research for all things interesting, I came across LIPDUB on knowyourmeme.com

 

There are a few favorites of mine, that I'm sure you've enjoyed over the years, including the Numa Numa Guy and those

, but this... this takes it all. Pure Awesome:

 

Lip Dub - Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger from amandalynferri on Vimeo.

 

Enjoy this Know Your Meme dot com presentation on LIPDUB:

 

 

And this:

 

Lip Dubbing: Lovefool from Jake Lodwick on Vimeo.

 

 

More to follow!

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