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Favorite TV Lines

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Since we have lots of movie lovers up in herre, I figured we'd have some TV lovers as well. This is dedicated to the small screen and their writers who keep us (well, at least me) entertained while we relax at home. So, to get the ball rolling...


Frank Costanza: Serenity now! Serenity now!

George Costanza: What is that?

Frank Costanza: Doctor gave me a relaxation cassette. When my blood pressure gets too high, the man on the tape tells me to say: "SERENITY NOW!"

George Costanza: Are you supposed to yell it?

Frank Costanza: The man on the tape wasn't specific.


from "Seinfeld" (of course)

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Haha...i could do a whole thread on Seinfeld lines...HOOOCHIE MAMA!!


The one that comes to mind: "Oh yeah?! Well, the jerk store called, and they said theyre running out of you!"


Man, i need to find a Costanza smiley.

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Anything Stewie says on Family Guy is memorable...


Damn you, vile woman, you've impeded my work since the day I escaped your wretched womb


No sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you


[To ticket agent] Now look here... [looks at agent's name tag] Jo-LENE. I have an army to raise and I must get to Managua at once. I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal. BUT NO PICKLES. OH, GOD HELP YOU IF I FIND PICKLES.


Stewie, come complete our rainbow.

I've got a better idea. Let's go play "swallow the stuff under the sink."



Hi. Cookie?

Well, it's Stewie, but... you can call me "cookie" if you like. Yes, I also answer to "Artemis," "Agent Buckwald" and "Snake." Yes, I rather like "Snake." Snake Griffin.


Mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint: it's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.



Do these huggies make my ass look big?


[After Lois tries to feed Stewie his broccoli "airplane style"] Damn you, damn the broccoli, and damn the Wright Brothers.


[plucks a banjo] Oh! I feel so delightfully white trash! Mummy, I want a mullet!


Yes, I rather like this God fellow. He's very theatrical, you know, a pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence. Gotta get me some of that.


There are more...but I'll stop there... :D

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Heh, some more Seinfeld:


Cosmo Kramer: The bus is outta control. So I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel, and now I'm driving the bus.

Jerry: Wow.

George Costanza: You're Batman.

Cosmo Kramer: Yeah, yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to and he starts choking me. So I'm fighting him off with one hand and I kept driving the bus with the other, ya know. Then I managed to open up the door and I kicked him out the door, ya know, with my foot, ya know, at the next stop.

Jerry: You kept making all the stops?

Cosmo Kramer: Well, people kept ringing the bell.



You see, Elaine, the key to eating a black and white cookie is that you wanna get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate. And yet still somehow racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie, all our problems would be solved.


The sea was angry that day, my friends. Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.


(Best answering machine recording ever)

(Sung) Believe it or not, George isn't at home. Please leave a message at the beep. I must be out or I'd pick up the phone. Where could I be? Believe it or not, I'm not home.


And the most often-quoted one around here...


These pretzels...are making me thirsty!

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Micheal: There's more to life than strippers and booze and buckets of blood. Why do you guys have buckets of blood?


Gob: It's not real blood. It's corn syrup and red dye... juice.


Buster: There's unlimited juice? This party is gonna be off the hook!


- "Arrested Development"

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[Talking about losing his virginity to Summer]


Seth Cohen: But hey, you know what? It was my first time, she's a more experienced woman, that's to be expected. But I did make some faces in the middle that I wish I could take back but I can't and there's also sort of a whiny noise that came out towards the end that probably wasn't my finest hour and...I sucked so bad! I was like a fish flopping around on dry land.


- "The O.C."

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Here's one from "The Office"....


David Brent:

There are limits to my comedy. There are things that I'll never laugh at. The handicapped. Because there's nothing funny about them. Or any deformity. It's like when you see someone look at a little handicapped and go 'ooh, look at him, he's not able-bodied. I am, I'm prejudiced.' Yeah, well, at least the little handicapped fella is able-minded. Unless he's not, it's difficult to tell with the wheelchair ones.

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