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the entire nation of scotland dies

alive she cried

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TRIBUTES are being paid to Scotland this morning after the entire

country laughed itself to death.

The alarm was first raised at around 10pm last night as thousands of

phone calls and text messages went unanswered.

Small groups of volunteers from Berwick-Upon-Tweed and Carlisle

ventured north just after midnight only to find houses full of dead

people gathered around still blaring television sets.

By dawn, as RAF helicopters flew over deserted city streets, it was

clear that the whole country had suffered a catastrophic abdominal


Wayne Hayes, a special constable from Northumberland, said: "We

went into one house in Dunbar and found three men sitting on the sofa

with huge smiles on their faces, still holding cans of 70 shilling. They

seemed to be at peace."

He added: "In a house near Edinburgh we found a man face down on the living room floor with his trousers and

pants round his knees.

"It seems he may have been showing his bare buttocks to the television when he keeled over."

Roy Hobbs, a civil engineer from Northampton, said: "I got a call from my friend Ian in Stirling at about 9.50pm.

"He was already laughing when I answered the phone, but after about 25 minutes of the most vigorous and

uncontrollable hilarity, everything suddenly went very quiet."

Moving tributes are already being placed along the Scotland-England border with many mourners opting to leave a

simple bag of chips or a deep fried bunch of flowers.

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