Bruce Willis, Baytor, & Action FIlms

[Mr. Hakujin]

Don't take this the wrong way, because in this instance I'm actually not trying to slam you, but your opinion on movies is often at odds with mine, so I'm still not convinced. Don't get me wrong, this isn't denial, I don't think I'm going to be electrified by what I see, but I think there's a good chance I may like [A Good Day to Die Hard] more than most people.

Eh, being obstinate is your thing, so I wouldn't expect any less. I'm curious, if this film didn't have Die Hard in the title and was just a random shitty action movie co-starring Bruce Willis, would you be so "reserved" in your judgment based on the reviews you've seen thus far? Are you willing to be this forgiving or reserved to Reds 2 for example? Also, can you give an example of an action film you were disappointed in or was bad/not worth watching?

Edited February 16, 2013 by Mr. Hakujin
split topic and added title of film in quesiton to post quoted

[Iambaytor]

I own the last boyscout and judge dredd without a hint of irony, my tolerance with action movies is higher than most

[Mr. Hakujin]

You didn't really answer any of my questions. Just throwing out those two titles is still very vague and subjective. For instance, I liked both of those films you mentioned better than DH5.

 

I'm genuinely curious as to where you're setting the bar for action films. Where are your standards as far as your rankings for the genre specifically; you go by 0-5 stars in your reviews still, right?

[Iambaytor]

I'll do a detailed post where I answer all your questions when I get home

but to help illustrate: I desperately want to own the live-action fist of the north star movie, my favorite 80s action star is dolph lundgren, I will watch any movie with Gary Daniela in it, and I thought the Tekken movie was okay

[Mr. Hakujin]

Really, Dolph more than Arnold or Sly? I'm looking forward to reading this...

[Thrizzle]

I will watch any movie with Gary Daniela in it

 

 

 

 

[The NZA]

man, Last Boy Scout was awesome

[Iambaytor]

Eh, being obstinate is your thing, so I wouldn't expect any less. I'm curious, if this film didn't have Die Hard in the title and was just a random shitty action movie co-starring Bruce Willis, would you be so "reserved" in your judgment based on the reviews you've seen thus far? Are you willing to be this forgiving or reserved to Reds 2 for example? Also, can you give an example of an action film you were disappointed in or was bad/not worth watching?

 

I've seen a lot of trailers for a lot of action movies with Bruce Willis in them that looked dull. 16 Blocks and Hostage come to mind in this field. However, usually when I see notoriously bad or boring Bruce Willis movies I end up enjoying them because even when the movie is bad, Bruce Willis is Bruce Willis. I fucking loved Last Man Standing and I may even be the only one, even among die hard Walter Hill fans. I think that's a goddamn shame, but whatever. I loved Red (and really didn't like the comic it was based on) and it looks like I'm going to like Red 2.

 

I'm genuinely curious as to where you're setting the bar for action films. Where are your standards as far as your rankings for the genre specifically; you go by 0-5 stars in your reviews still, right?

 

Those numbers are entirely arbitrary, I don't have any sort of sliding scale I base them on. I think about it for a couple seconds and then just assign a number. Realistically my reviews are either "I like it" or "I didn't like it."

 

This becomes further confounded on action movies. Sure there are good action movies that fit in just as good movies in general: Robocop, The Terminator (and T2), Aliens, First Blood, Rambo, Predator, Die Hard, Lethal Weapon (arguably Lethal Weapon 2), Dirty Harry, Starship Troopers. But even if an action movie is bad, it can usually win me over with just bombast.

 

I don't really have a metric for what I don't like about action movies, but I'll list some things that turn me off about certain ones. And here's a list of action movies I can't fucking stand (and a couple I like), maybe you can find a trend somewhere here: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000219/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1

 

But here's things that cause me to say no to an action movie.

 

1. Is it boring?

This is, of course, entirely subjective. I'm not even talking about slow action movies. I love shit like the original Assault on Precinct 13 or Smokin' Aces that take a while to get where they're going. But movies that just seem homogenized and dull, especially if they're showing me things that I should find to be awesome. The biggest offender in this category was unquestionably Avatar, everything past the first 15 minutes of Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome suffers from this too. Usually Jason Statham movies end up here, I don't know why, even the Crank movies didn't do it for me. Things like I Am Number Four and Jumper also go here.

 

2. Is it bad?

What I mean by this is, did the people who made this movie do a bad job of making a movie? Not just with effects or casting or story, with everything. Did somebody make a movie that's so terrible that it's not even charming or interesting. I mean, say what you will about Point Break or Steel Dawn or Legion. At least they had a cool concept or memorably lines or scenes, maybe their only redeeming grace is how fucking crazy they are but they're at least interesting. I'm talking about movies that are so bad that they're bad and you can't make it through the whole thing. Every movie Uwe Boll has made except Rampage and Postal fit into this category, just about all Steven Seagal's movies too.

 

3. Is the lead character unlikeable?

This is another Seagal sin, if I don't like the main character I'm probably not going to like the movie. Though there's some wiggle room on this one if they have a good supporting cast.

 

4. Is it overly preachy?

Seagal again, and Avatar again. Movies can have messages, most of the movies I listed up there in the "actual good movies" category do. Robocop is about violence, social decay, and oblique Jesus metaphors; First Blood is about prejudice and the difficulty of seasoned war veterans (particularly those in Vietnam) reintegrating into society; Starship Troopers is a satire of facism and jingoism, etc. The difference is those movies managed to deliver more than social commentary, stripped of their meanings they're still good movies. Avatar is shit, shitty shitty shit. On Deadly Ground and Fire Down Below are fucking bullshit and aren't even good for their comedic value. If the entire allure of your movie is it's biting sociopolitical commentary then it's probably a piece of pretentious bullshit.

 

That's pretty much it. As long as an action movie is at least funny or charming or intersting I can usually enjoy it. That's really the only reason I like Jean-Claude Van Damme, or Olivier Gruner, or Mark Singer (though fuck you all, Beastmaster was the best pre-Lord of the Rings fantasy movie made and everybody who disagrees can suck a big drippy AIDs dick)

 

What I've read so far in reviews for Die Hard is that John McClane has transcended his blue-collar roots and become the star of big stupid action spectacle. (That means its worse than Die Hard, which is a given, but not a deal breaker.) I've heard that the entire plot is John's fault (I like that the trend of the last 3 movies is not that John's an unlucky guy, but that he stupidly puts himself in situations that are dangerous. This self-destructive through line feels like the most nuance, if probably unintentional, thing about the character in the last decade and a half.) I've heard that his son is annoying and unlikeable (can't be as bad as Brendan Fraisher's son in The Mummy 3, next.) I've long accepted this movie won't be as good as Die Hard, I've even pretty much accepted that this may be the worst Die Hard, but that doesn't mean I won't enjoy it. Basically the only things that are deal breakers for me here is A) Bruce Willis is not playing John McClane (which is to say, he's playing a character with John McClane's name but not his personality) or B) John dies at the end. If they pass the torch, whatever, I just won't watch Son of Die Hard. I may not like it a lot, but the chances of me not finding SOMETHING to latch onto are infinitesimal.

 

As for Lundgren, the guy's got a good screen presence, he plays villains really well, and when he actually puts his mind too it he's a really good nuanced actor (far better than Arnold and sometimes better than Stallone, or at least with more charm than Stallone.) I think he's a talented performer and I wish he'd had a less shitty career because I think he deserves a lot better than he got.

 

 

 

Jesus Christ, was there not a porno or a snuff film that he could have done instead of that? Okay then, I will watch any movie where Gary Daniels kicks a guy.

 

 

Hopefully that helped give you an idea, if you want I can list all my action movies for you.

 

And I'm glad to find a fellow Last Boy Scout fan in Custard.

[The NZA]

I've seen a lot of trailers for a lot of action movies with Bruce Willis in them that looked dull. 16 Blocks and Hostage come to mind in this field. However, usually when I see notoriously bad or boring Bruce Willis movies I end up enjoying them because even when the movie is bad, Bruce Willis is Bruce Willis. I fucking loved Last Man Standing and I may even be the only one, even among die hard Walter Hill fans. I think that's a goddamn shame, but whatever. I loved Red (and really didn't like the comic it was based on) and it looks like I'm going to like Red 2.

 

damn, still sitting on 16 blocks but i'd been hopeful. didn't see Red either but going in knowing not to expect the comic, im hoping it's enjoyable as its own thing.

 

but yeah, Bruce is one of my all-time favorite actors, i think the only otehr movie i never got around to seeing was Striking Distance.

 

(arguably Lethal Weapon 2)

 

this is arguable? i thought 2 received near-universal love

 

Movies can have messages, most of the movies I listed up there in the "actual good movies" category do. Robocop is about violence, social decay, and oblique Jesus metaphors; First Blood is about prejudice and the difficulty of seasoned war veterans (particularly those in Vietnam) reintegrating into society; Starship Troopers is a satire of facism and jingoism, etc. The difference is those movies managed to deliver more than social commentary, stripped of their meanings they're still good movies. Avatar is shit, shitty shitty shit. On Deadly Ground and Fire Down Below are fucking bullshit and aren't even good for their comedic value. If the entire allure of your movie is it's biting sociopolitical commentary then it's probably a piece of pretentious bullshit.

 

nothing to add here, other than a co-sign

whereas Rambo III/Rocky IV taught me all i needed to know about the cold war, it's weird that i don't hear much about those issues you pointed out in Rambo I, i thought they were pretty interesting even as a kid (but my godfather was a big vet who talked about that stuff so that might've set me up for it).

really been in the mood lately to watch Robocop 1 again too, especially since i'm not hopeful about the new one

 

(though fuck you all, Beastmaster was the best pre-Lord of the Rings fantasy movie made and everybody who disagrees can suck a big drippy AIDs dick)

 

I'm okay with this too! after Conan binges this was the best thing i could find, though 2 was abysmal with a plot too similar to what my He-Man movie ended up with. it's also funny because everyone who ever saw it was wary around the ferrets i had back then

 

What I've read so far in reviews for Die Hard is that John McClane has transcended his blue-collar roots and become the star of big stupid action spectacle. (That means its worse than Die Hard, which is a given, but not a deal breaker.) I've heard that the entire plot is John's fault (I like that the trend of the last 3 movies is not that John's an unlucky guy, but that he stupidly puts himself in situations that are dangerous. This self-destructive through line feels like the most nuance, if probably unintentional, thing about the character in the last decade and a half.)

 

when you put it like that, its kinda interesting, but i don't recall picking much up on the self-destructive vibes in say 4, other than "he's doing crazier shit these days". my inital reaction was kinda eh because it's cheesy but i dug the whole "HOW CAN THE SAME SHIT HAPPEN TO THE SAME GUY TWICE", but you gotta know that when Chow Yun Fat's previously-unmentioned twin brother magically shows up in A Better Tomorrow 2, dons his sunglasses, coat & handguns just because, that's the kinda plot point i'm cool with since the movie was awesome

 

or B) John dies at the end.

 

 

not to spoil too much but again, on the wiki bruce mentioned being down for one more film, so i'm not expecting this

 

 

And I'm glad to find a fellow Last Boy Scout fan in Custard.

 

i get why its not talked about like Die Hard, but it's just a great action flick with enjoyable dialogue. the bloody ending dance was class, and i'd be lying if i said id never waited during tense superbowl games to see if anyone ever made that play the dude in the intro did

[Reverend Jax]

1. Is it boring?

2. Is it bad?

3. Is the lead character unlikeable?

4. Is it overly preachy?

For me, personally, I would add "5. Does it make any fucking sense?" A lot of the time I don't enjoy an action movie, it's because I see the entire story and every character as a convoluted device to justify incredibly produced action movie spectacle. That leaves me disliking a movie, and it's not because I dislike the action, I just don't want to see a series of chases and asplosions with a ramshackle story and cookie-cutter characters thrown in as an afterthought.

[Iambaytor]

See, the reason that I didn't add that is because Torque is amazing and it doesn't make a lick of sense.

[Keth]

Wait.. that motorcycle movie? Or is there another Torque Ive not heard of?

[Iambaytor]

damn, still sitting on 16 blocks but i'd been hopeful. didn't see Red either but going in knowing not to expect the comic, im hoping it's enjoyable as its own thing.

 

but yeah, Bruce is one of my all-time favorite actors, i think the only otehr movie i never got around to seeing was Striking Distance.

 

To be clear I haven't seen 16 Blocks or Kidnapped, I just know Bruce Willis is usually a safe bet in movies. The movies aren't always good, but he usually is.

 

 

this is arguable? i thought 2 received near-universal love

 

It's quite a bit sillier than the first one and a lot of people feel Joe Pesci's character is pointless and pops up out of nowhere (because he is and he does) and Murtaugh (who arguably should care about the Apartheid thing as much or more than Riggs) doesn't really do much. Also Shane Black was barely involved at this point, though that's definitely his dialogue in a lot of the scenes (the toilet scene especially)

 

nothing to add here, other than a co-sign

whereas Rambo III/Rocky IV taught me all i needed to know about the cold war, it's weird that i don't hear much about those issues you pointed out in Rambo I, i thought they were pretty interesting even as a kid (but my godfather was a big vet who talked about that stuff so that might've set me up for it).

really been in the mood lately to watch Robocop 1 again too, especially since i'm not hopeful about the new one

 

You should really check out David Morrell's First Blood, it uses Brian Dennehy's sheriff character a lot more and makes Rambo a lot more soldierly (he kills a lot of people) and there's a nice dynamic where both characters are simultaneously the hero and the villain depending on whose perspective we're focused on. It's a really good book. And Robocop is a great fucking movie that most people dismiss because of its silly name and concept. My man Verhooeven, he don't shiv.

 

I'm okay with this too! after Conan binges this was the best thing i could find, though 2 was abysmal with a plot too similar to what my He-Man movie ended up with. it's also funny because everyone who ever saw it was wary around the ferrets i had back then

 

Parts 2 and 3 were shit, they were directed by the producer of the first one and the director (Don Coscarelli of Bubba Ho-Tep, John Dies at the End, and the Phantasm movies) went on to do other things. The show was kinda shit too, but it was less shitty than the last 2 movies. A lot of people say it's cheesy and dumb but it's one of the more original fantasy movies of the era and a much better take on the topic than the book it's very loosely based on (it's a space western and a pretty dull one at that.) But it's a lot better than Conan and even the better ones of the era (Excalibur, Willow, Dragonslayer, arguably Ladyhawk) don't quite manage to capture the energy and imagination it does.

 

when you put it like that, its kinda interesting, but i don't recall picking much up on the self-destructive vibes in say 4, other than "he's doing crazier shit these days".

 

Well, if you recall, the only reason he is where he's at when the movie starts is because he's come to intimidate his daughter's prospective boyfriends. Basically it's only because of his domineering personality that all the bad shit in the movie happens to him and his loved ones. I also appreciated how the whole thing is entirely out of his element, he's facing people a lot smarter than him in a form of crime he barely even comprehends. I liked the whole grizzled cop out of water idea, which seems to be more of the same here.

 

not to spoil too much but again, on the wiki bruce mentioned being down for one more film, so i'm not expecting this

 

I highly doubt he dies or passes the torch, we'll be dieing in slightly increased increments for years to come.

 

i get why its not talked about like Die Hard, but it's just a great action flick with enjoyable dialogue. the bloody ending dance was class, and i'd be lying if i said id never waited during tense superbowl games to see if anyone ever made that play the dude in the intro did

 

It's Shane Black at his craziest (without spilling over into Last Action Hero territory, which I also really like) and a lot of things are just so ridiculous. I love how all the jokes WIllis' character tells are terrible but all the bad guys find them riotously hilarious.

 

Wait.. that motorcycle movie? Or is there another Torque Ive not heard of?

 

Yes, the motorcycle movie with Ice Cube and Adam Scott.

[Mr. Hakujin]

I'm thought we should split this off in to its own Bruce Willis/ action film thread because the discussion going on in here is infinitely more interesting than the film that inspired it. I'm still hoping Baytor will do one of his blog/reviews on Die Hard 5 though and post it in the original thread and/or his review thread.

 

To be clear I haven't seen 16 Blocks or Kidnapped Hostage, I just know Bruce Willis is usually a safe bet in movies. The movies aren't always good, but he usually is.

 

16 Blocks was surprisingly good. Nick probably has it on his radar b/c of Mos Def, who gave a great performance as a likable character. It's technically an action/thriller, which is basically one big chase scene. The fact it entertained me in spite of such a flimsy premise is part of the reason I liked it so much. Hostage, on the other hand was totally forgettable. I do remember seeing it and it had something to do with a house in the woods or a wooded area and the mob wanting Kevin Pollack's character dead (I think.), but literally that's all I can recall other than it was terrible.

 

Those numbers are entirely arbitrary, I don't have any sort of sliding scale I base them on. I think about it for a couple seconds and then just assign a number. Realistically my reviews are either "I like it" or "I didn't like it."

 

I really think this is what you should do as far as your rating system goes when you write reviews then. Just do your own version of thumbs up and thumbs down. I always got this impression from the reviews of yours I did read. You remind me of Panch and how he views movies in that way. And I hope I wouldn't have to disclaimer that last statement as a non-slam, because it isn't, but I'll do so anyway.

 

But here's things that cause me to say no to an action movie.

1. Is it boring?

This is, of course, entirely subjective. I'm not even talking about slow action movies. I love shit like the original Assault on Precinct 13 or Smokin' Aces that take a while to get where they're going. But movies that just seem homogenized and dull, especially if they're showing me things that I should find to be awesome. The biggest offender in this category was unquestionably Avatar, everything past the first 15 minutes of Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome suffers from this too. Usually Jason Statham movies end up here, I don't know why, even the Crank movies didn't do it for me. Things like I Am Number Four and Jumper also go here.

 

2. Is it bad?

What I mean by this is, did the people who made this movie do a bad job of making a movie? Not just with effects or casting or story, with everything. Did somebody make a movie that's so terrible that it's not even charming or interesting. I mean, say what you will about Point Break or Steel Dawn or Legion. At least they had a cool concept or memorably lines or scenes, maybe their only redeeming grace is how fucking crazy they are but they're at least interesting. I'm talking about movies that are so bad that they're bad and you can't make it through the whole thing. Every movie Uwe Boll has made except Rampage and Postal fit into this category, just about all Steven Seagal's movies too.

 

Well put. When it comes to action films I'd say I definitely follow these first two criteria, and I really do often let things like characterization and dialogue get a pass. A good action film, for me, is mostly about pacing; the characters are almost always archetypes, the plot can be thin (it helps a lot if it isn't, but as you mentioned, premise alone can go a long way on its own in an action film), and it doesn't have to have the biggest budget (the first few Robert Rodriguez films readily come to mind) or biggest explosions as long as it's creative.

 

To my knowledge I've never seen an Uwe Boll film, and plan to keep it that way. I also completely agree w/ you on the Statham and Seagal films. I've no clue what you're talking about in regards to Beyond Thunderdome though. I loved that film, but maybe that's nostalgia talking as I haven't seen it the entire way through since I was a kid. Also post-apocalyptic scenarios get bonus leeway points for me, too. And I'm not even goign to try to go there w/ Avatar because 1.) I'd definitely classify that as more of a sci-fi film (and that's a different set of standards in a way than action films for me), and 2.) I've only seen it once in the theater in IMAX 3D and loved it; I am quite happy to just hold on to that memory/experience.

 

3. Is the lead character unlikeable?

This is another Seagal sin, if I don't like the main character I'm probably not going to like the movie. Though there's some wiggle room on this one if they have a good supporting cast.

 

4. Is it overly preachy?

Seagal again, and Avatar again. Movies can have messages, most of the movies I listed up there in the "actual good movies" category do. Robocop is about violence, social decay, and oblique Jesus metaphors; First Blood is about prejudice and the difficulty of seasoned war veterans (particularly those in Vietnam) reintegrating into society; Starship Troopers is a satire of facism and jingoism, etc. The difference is those movies managed to deliver more than social commentary, stripped of their meanings they're still good movies. Avatar is shit, shitty shitty shit. On Deadly Ground and Fire Down Below are fucking bullshit and aren't even good for their comedic value. If the entire allure of your movie is it's biting sociopolitical commentary then it's probably a piece of pretentious bullshit.

 

You're pretty on the money with these as well. Although, w/ number four, I likely give more leeway than you do--again, citing Avatar as my example. Already mentioned why #3 applies so well in action films--the characters are mostly archetypes. In an action film, you're going to get the bare minimum of characterization, so if you don't like the actor or actors to begin with, that's a much more difficult obstacle to overcome.

 

Where do you stand on Tom Cruise in regards to #3 on your list? He's arguably the most bankable action star working in Hollywood today. Granted, most of his action films deal in slashes (action/thriller, action/suspense, action/sci-fi).

 

Ditto for the Bond films. You go to B-movies a lot in your references, but Bond is the oldest and most prolific action film franchise in cinema. Any opinions on those films or actors?

 

As for Lundgren, the guy's got a good screen presence, he plays villains really well, and when he actually puts his mind too it he's a really good nuanced actor (far better than Arnold and sometimes better than Stallone, or at least with more charm than Stallone.) I think he's a talented performer and I wish he'd had a less shitty career because I think he deserves a lot better than he got.

 

Agreed, his a good heavy/villain, but you wrote he was your favorite action-star of the 80s. Maybe you just meant action actor? The only other example I can think of where a big action star played the villain was Terminator. Again, acting doesn't come in to play as much in action gilms as other genres, so it's not so much about performance for me as it is the overall film. And to me the best action films, as a whole, had Arnold's name above the title--Predator, T1, T2, Running Man, Total Recall, Conan, True Lies, and even Commando and Eraser were decent. Admittedly, lot of those films though are not "pure" action films and are action/sci-fi or action/fantasy

 

Hopefully that helped give you an idea, if you want I can list all my action movies for you.

 

It did indeed, sir, give me a much better understanding, and I obviously thought it worthy of its own thread. I really do hope you go to a more honest system of rating in your future reviews (i.e. liked it or didn't like it) because if the sliding scale/ranking system is not for you then you're not doing anyone any favors by pretending. Just my humble advice from not only a teacher's perspective, but also from a fellow cinephile's point of view.

 

And you know lists are my thing, so if you've got time to list the action films in your library I'd read and comment on that. There are probably some good conversation starters looming in there, too.

 

 

And I'm glad to find a fellow Last Boy Scout fan in Custard.

 

Please, like he's the only one. I clearly remember sneaking in to the theater to see it back in the day. I was disappointed Halle Berry was a go-go dancer and not a stripper though. I haven't seen it the whole way through since though, just the pieces I caught on cable latter. I enjoyed it.

 

Edited February 16, 2013 by Mr. Hakujin
thpoilerth

[Iambaytor]

There's a lot of genre-benders here and I threw on a lot of sports movies that tend to fit the mould, however obliquely, so bear with me. I also left off westerns (except one, but it's not much of a western), I can put those in the appropriate thread if anybody really cares. I gave a little elaboration to certain ones as well:

 

48 Hours - One of Walter Hill's more popular movies. Doesn't get enough credit because Eddie Murphy gives one of the best and most raw performances of his careeer and Nick Nolte plays an unrepentant racist (not a pretend racist like he does in the sequel) and still manages to be a like-able anti-hero.

 

300

Aliens

 

Alien vs. Predator: Requiem - A very flawed movie, to be sure, but it did more to advance the Predators mythos than Predators did by far and it's a much more interesting movie. I also appreciate how mercilessly mean it is.

 

The A-Team

 

Arena - Direct-to-DVD action movie about criminals being forced to fight each other on a pirate webcast at the behest of Samuel L. Jackson. Certainly low-budget but entertaining and shockingly well-made for what it is.

 

Assault on Precinct 13 - the original by John Carpenter. A great little movie with a haunting score, it's often dismissed as a remake of Rio Bravo but the similarities are cosmetic. It's almost as much of a horror movie as it is an action piece and it's a thrill ride from beginning to end. If anybody hasn't seen this, they should.

 

Bad Boys

 

Bad Boys 2 - Stupid, so very stupid, but so ridiculously bombastic that it's hard to resist its charm.

 

Behind Enemy Lines - Did you know that Owen Wilson's a pretty good dramatic actor? This is a mostly forgotten movie, which is a shame because it's really good. I can't speak on the sequels, they probably suck.

 

Black Rain

Blade

 

Blade 2 - Best of the trilogy

 

Blade Trinity - Silly and apparently Wesley Snipes was being a fuckhead which is why almost all his shots are close-ups. Ryan Reynolds saves the movie and makes it worth owning.

 

Batman - This is not a good movie, in fact it's pretty terrible. Nostalgia and my love of camp keep this one around.

 

Batman Begins - A decent try at rebooting Batman, time hasn't been kind to this one but it's pretty good. I'm still bewildered by anyone that says it's their favorite of the 3.

 

Batman Returns - Stupid stupid stupid dumb stupid movie. Plan 9 levels of hilariously bad, but it's got Walken and it's campy so I keep it.

 

Batman Forever - The most competently made of the original 4 movies. Some people make the point that Jim Carrey and Tommy Lee Jones over-act their roles, I submit that The Riddler and Two-Face are one note characters that quickly become boring so this isn't necessarily a bad thing. They're still both better than Nicholson (yeah I said it), Pfeiffer, and DeVito were.

 

Beowulf - 1999 movie with Christopher Lambert. It's.... deeply flawed. However, most of the problem is the soundtrack, otherwise it's about on par with an Albert Pyun movie. Still, if it wasn't post-apocalyptic I probably wouldn't own it.

 

The Big Red One - Darkly comedic World War 2 movie, should be more popular than it is.

 

Blind Fury - Rutger Hauer as blind Vietnam veteran samurai. It was an attempt to remake Zatoichi for American audiences. It failed at that but it's still a lot of fun.

 

The Blood of Heroes - Rutger Hauer, Joan Chen, and Vincent Dinoffrio are players in a post-apocalyptic football-like sport called Jugger. Good movie.

 

Book of Eli - Unfairly hated on movie. It's really good and it's a lot deeper than it appears. Denzel, Mila Kunis, Gary Oldman, and Ray Steven son give good performances.

 

Brotherhood of the Wolf - As much an action film as it is anything else. Fun, creepy, interesting, arrestingly weird, best dubbing I have ever seen of a foreign film.

 

Bullit

Captain America

 

Centurion - Neil Marshal's movie about some Roman soldiers (led by Michael Fassbender) trying to get out of Scotland and go home. Low-budget, but good, and very violent.

 

Cherry 2000 - Forgotten 90s post-apocalypse movie where Melanie Griffith goes into the wasteland to help David Andrews find a new micro-processor for his sex robot. Tim Thomserson plays an impossibly polite and cordial warlord, and there's a lot of funny little asides throughout. Robert Z'Dar, Brion James, and Larry Fishburne all appear in bit-parts

 

Children of Men

 

City Heat - Period gangster film set in 1920s Kansas City. Burt Reynolds is a charming con-man/thief and Clint Eastwood is a badass detective, they're friends. It's pretty great.

 

Clash of the Titans

 

Cobra - Poor man's Dirty Harry, still pretty decent.

 

Conan the Barbarian

Conan the Destroyer

 

Constantine - Forget that Keanu Reeves isn't blond or British, forget that it's nothing like the comics, forget that they pronounce his name wrong. This is a good movie.

 

Crash-And-Burn

Cyborg

 

Damnation Alley - George Peppard, Jan Michael Vincent, a young Jackie-Earl Haley and the most badass actual vehicle created for a movie vs. raiders, giant scorpions, giant cockroaches and all manner of other post-apocalyptic things. It's cheesy but fun.

 

Daredevil: Director's Cut

 

Dark Blue - Kurt Russell plays a dirty cop in LA following the Rodney King beating and leading up to the LA riots. It's an unjustly forgotten movie.

 

Darkman - Liam Neeson and Larry Drake, directed by Sam Raimi. Fucking magnificent.

 

Darkman 2: The Return of Durant - Raimi and Neeson are gone, but Arnold Vosloo is a serviceable replacement and Larry Drake returns. Still a lot of fun.

 

Darkman 3: Die Darkman Die - Worst of the 3 but what it lacks in quality it makes up for in Jeff Fahey

 

The Dark Knight

Daybreakers

 

Death Machine - Action/Horror. Over the top, ridiculous, and relentlessly fun. Brad Dourif chews the scenery like a champ in this one.

 

Death Race - Read my review on my blog for why this is great.

 

Death Race 2000

 

Demolition Man - Usually more fondly remembered than Judge Dredd (which is a mistake), still it's entertaining enough.

 

The Dirty Dozen

Dirty Harry

District 9

 

Dog Soldiers - Aliens meets Evil Dead 2 with werewolves

 

Dollman - Albert Pyun movie with Tim Thomserson as a Dirty Harry parody who follows a criminal to another planet (Earth) where he lands in New York. The catch is that the inter-dimensional travel has caused him to only be about 10-inches tall. It's got Jackie Earl Haley. It's stupid but fun.

 

Doomsday

Drive Angry

Duel

End of Days

Equilibrium

 

Escape From L.A. - Fun and entertaining even if it is just a carbon copy of the first movie.

 

Escape From New York

 

Evolution - Much better than anyone remembers. It's not the Ghostbusters replacement they wanted it to be, but it's still a good movie.

 

Excalibur

 

Gamer - I don't care for the Crank movies but I really enjoyed this one.

 

The Green Hornet

 

Hard Times - The movie that will convince you that Charles Bronson is a good actor. A period-piece directed by Walter Hill about a depression era bare knuckle fighter (Bronson) and his huckster manager (James Coburn) trying to make a living in the underground boxing circuit

 

Hell Comes to Frogtown - Rowdy Roddy Piper infiltrates a community of Post-Apocalyptic frog mutants so he can impregnate some still fertile women. It's fucking magnificent.

 

Hellboy

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army

Highlander

 

Highlander: Endgame - A perfect example of how a bad editor can ruin a movie. This movie was fraught with problems through every step of development, but it's really pretty good, even if it does have a gigantic gaping plot-hole.

 

The Hitcher - Rutger Hauer's best role and probably the best screen villain of all time.

 

Hobo With a Shotgun

The Incredible Hulk

 

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - There's nothing wrong with this movie, fuck you all.

 

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark

 

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom - There's a LOT wrong with this movie, fuck you even more.

 

Iron Man

Iron Man 2

 

John Carter - Most underappreciated movie of the decade.

 

Judge Dredd - Pretty close to the comic (moreso than anyone remembers), even Rob Schneider's character isn't that out of place. It's over-the-top and Stallone takes off his helmet (it also crams about 10 years of comics into an hour and a half) but it's not bad.

 

Kelly's Heroes

Kung Fu Hustle

The Last Action Hero

 

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen - Fuck you, I liked it.

 

Legion - Pretty much an unofficial and more action oriented remake of The Prophecy. Not great but not that bad.

 

Machine Girl

Mad Max

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome

Man on Fire

 

Maniac Cop - Slasher/Action with Robert Z'Dar, Tom Atkins, and Bruce Campbell. Only kinda good but a necessary watch if you want to see...

 

Maniac Cop 2 - Fucking great! Bruce Campbell dies pretty early on but Z'Dar returns and Robert Davi takes over as the lead. Great movie.

 

Marathon Man - Yes, it's very safe.

 

The Matrix

 

Mortal Kombat - The only halfway decent video game movie for years. Better than it has any right to be.

 

The New Barbarians

 

No Escape - Futuristic prison movie with Ray Liotta. Fun, clever, and has a great villain.

 

Omega Doom - Post-apocalyptic Yojimbo remake by Albert Pyun starring Rutger Hauer. Kinda slow, but the best of Pyun's post-apocalyptic cyborg movies.

 

Outlander - Decent Beowulf re-imagining with Jim Cavaziel.

 

The Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl - Good

The Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest - Good

The Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World's End - Crap

The Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides - Good Crap

Predator

 

Predator 2 - Best of the series, fuck the haters

 

Predators

 

Red Dawn - Dumb but emintently watchable

 

Reign of Fire - The only dragon apocalypse movie. Interesting.

 

Retroactive - A great little science fiction film about time travel. Jim Belushi plays the villain, it's the best role of his career.

 

The Road Warrior

Robocop

Robocop 2

Robocop 3

Robot Wars

 

Rollerball - the 70s one with James Caan, not the shitty remake with LL Cool J

 

The Running Man

 

She Wolves of the Wasteland/Phoenix the Warrior - The movies thesis seems to be "It's five minutes. Has there been female nudity or a gun fight? Why Not?"

 

Shaolin Soccer

Six-String Samurai

 

Soldier - I don't get why no-one likes this. It's a great fucking movie.

 

Spiderman

Spiderman 2

 

Spiderman 3 - A bit of a mess, but unjustly hated.

 

The Spirit - A lot of a mess, still fun.

 

Starship Troopers

 

Street Fighter - Genuinely bad. Raul Julia, Wes Studi, and Jean-Claude Van Damme save it.

 

The Terminator

The Terminator 2

They Live

The Thing

Total Recall

Training Day

Transformers

Tremors

Tremors 2: Aftershocks

Tremors 3: Back to Perfection

Tremors 4: The Legend Begins

Tron

Universal Soldier

The Untouchables

Walking Tall

 

Where Eagles Dare - Confusing as hell, but a good WW2 caper with Clint Eastwood

 

Wild Wild West - I've never seen why everybody hates this as much as they do, it's bad but entertaining. Though since it was the first movie I saw in theaters I probably have some nostalgia.

 

Willow

X-Men

X-Men 2

X-Men 3

[Keth]

Damn that's quite a list. Ever see The Warriors Way? I honestly dunno if youd like it (did like it?). Pretty underrated flick that shiuldve done a bit better at box office imo. Also no love for shoot em up? Thats definitely one of those love it or hate movies

[Iambaytor]

that's actually not all, I've got quite a few more to add. And yes, shoot 'em up is among them

[the division of joy]

Shoot em up is a fucking masterpiece. Anyone who says any different will get a negging.

[The NZA]

Wickey wickey wild wild west was your first...i cant

 

grabbing Assault on, bumping Book of Eli up cause the director's on a forum i go to and ive heard good things. a few of those i'm taking notes on, i just recall not liking anything about Soldier (super cliche stuff with a boring villain/world etc) and as a fellow venom fan, Spidey 3 fell off and deserves blah blah blah etc

 

there's stuff i agree with, like I dug Predator 2 at the time, i think a fair bit of your list - as far as both defending some unpopular things, and taking the super popular ones down a peg - kinda has to be attributed to audience expectation. like, P2 is cool for what it is (murtaugh vs predators), it's just not what people were looking for after 1. sometimes i think it's the studios fault, mainly when they try something that deviates so much but doesn't come together on its own, and sometimes - like say when i was in theaters for the Truman show, and like half the crowd was booing and walking out because they wanted another fucking ace ventura somehow - it's clearly the audience's.

 

also how was Striking Distance?

[Keth]

Rereading that list and finding ones I missed. I forgot about Brotherhood of the Wolf. I love that movie. Gotta add that to my list of blurays to get.

 

I thought AVP requiem was cool also. My main problem was that it was so fucking dark. Not the tone, literally it was dark. The action was really hard to see sometimes.

[Iambaytor]

Okay, since my child is the enemy of order I forgot a bunch of DVDs on the earlier list. I have spoiler-tagged this group just so this post doesn't contain all of time and space.

 

 

 

Army of Darkness - The not-so-horror end of the Evil Dead trilogy. It's a creative mix of zombies (Fucka Pancho), Arthurian legend, and Ray Harryhaussen (most obviously Jason and the Argonauts) a ridiculously fun action/fantasy/horror/comedy that's too fun to not enjoy unless you're just a big borning beardy Irish turd with an obscure The Doors reference as a user-name who views Travis Bickle as a role model. [/sass]

 

Beverly Hills Cop - Fuck you Loggins, this is a good movie.

 

Beverly Hills Cop 2 - And this one's even better.

 

Beverly Hills Cop 3 - I concede this one's not very good, but it has its moments and they all came in the same box.

 

Black Dog - Used to be the only Swayzee movie I liked before I warmed up to Road House, Red Dawn, and Steel Dawn. Swayzee's so grizzled you'll think they just miscredited David Keith. It's got badass truck driving action, it's got Randy Travis as the comedic relief sidekick, it's got Meatloaf as the bible verse screaming meth-head trucker villain. It's really fun and pretty good for what it is.

 

The Born Losers/Billy Jack/The Trial of Billy Jack/Billy Jack Goes to Washington - These fucking movies... these are getting their own post when I have some time. Just let me say they're silly, preachy, and fucking awesome in both legitimate and terrible ways.

 

The Cannonball Run - Stupid fun

 

The Cannonball Run - Stupider fun

 

Cat Run - It's about 2 "private detective" a white guy with a Sherlock Holmes like mind that desperately wants to be a celebrity chef and his black comedic relief friend who's probably really bummed that Minstrel shows aren't a thing anymore. They have an office in a porno theater, their secretary is a man with no legs and one arm played by D.L. Hugley, there's a gun fight set to London Bridge after Jim Crow flips up his kilt to reveal a comically oversized penis. Paz Vega is all half naked and sexy all over this motherfucking thing and it's stupid violent and you need to drop what you're doing and track down a copy of this movie RIGHT FUCKING NOW so I have someone to talk about it with. GO AXEL, RUN!

 

Class of 1984 - Like Death Wish, except in a high school. The protagonist is a teacher, the villains are some horrible rebelious 80s teens. It's one of Michael J. Fox's first movie apperances, Roddy McDowell teaches a class (presumably one on over-acting given the tone of the scene) with a gun in his hand and then flips his car in a fireball trying to run over a kid. It's good stuff.

 

Class of 1999 - Crime rates have gone up so high in LA that the military has introduced Terminators as teachers. They do what Terminators do and the thugs fight back. The clip of the hero shouting "Now lets get in there and kill some teachers!" should really be played at the beginning of every scare-tactic newscast following a school shooting and I have no idea why it isn't. Serious 24 hour news cycle, why are you dropping the ball?

 

Commando - The only good thing Jeph Loeb ever wrote

 

Con Air - A fucking cinema masterpiece. I will hear no further discussion of this movie.

 

Death Sentence - Brian Garfield (the writer of Death Wish) didn't much care for Charles Bronson's Death Wish. He hated it so much he wrote a big "fuck you!" sequel. Decades later James Wan (Director of Saw, Dead Silence and Insidious) got the rights and made a pretty decent movie out of it starring Kevin Bacon. It's a pretty mean movie and has a lot of shades of Taxi Driver. John Goodman also has a good, if small, part in it.

 

Death Wish - It's not a good adaptaion of Garfield's book, but it's still a good movie. A lot of people saw it as a Republican's wet dream (and in the case of the sequels they would be correct) but that's only because they didn't pay attention to how literally insane Bronson's Paul Kearsey is. The man is obviously not okay following his wife's death and begins thinking of New York as the wild west and him as the Long Ranger. At the end when he's caught by the police and they decide to take mercy on him and tell him to be out of town he excitedly grabs the cop's hand and goes "...By sundown?!" as though he's just been told that Santa Claus is coming. It's a delightfully unhinged performance from Kearsey and it's a shame all the sequels failed to get the idea. (Though 2 is tolerable and 3 is comedy gold)

 

Die Hard - Masterpiece

 

Die Hard 2 - Crapsterpiece

 

Die Hard 3 - Fucksterpiece

 

Live Free or Die Hard - Not bad but should've Tried Harder

 

Dirty Harry - This is one of the greatest action/horror/thrillers ever made. Much like Death Wish it was sullied by increasingly stupider sequels.

 

Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry - If there is a more unappealingly skanky woman than Susan George than I know not of her. I'm pretty sure the Dirty in Mary's title refers to her collection of Hepatitises as she's a nasty shrewish bimbet. But that's also kind of the point of the character, Larry (Peter Fonda) is suitably crazy and the whole movie's one big ass chase scene with a nice abrupt "fuck you" of an ending that you have to appreciate. Also Vic Morrow has a very dangerous looking chase scene in a helicopter that's more than a little uncomfortable to watch knowing how he died.

 

The Driver - Walter Hill's first movie. All the characters are literally archetypes (they're credited as: Driver, Cop, Girl, etc) and yet this is still an amazing movie that's more than just a serious of awesome car stunts (of which there are many.) Anybody who watches it will also probably notice that the movie Drive (With Ryan Gosling) bit off of it a lot to the point where Drive is almost a remake

 

Dolemite - Rudy Ray Moore's send-up of Blacksploitation movies does its job just a little bit too well. There's two groups of people: those who get that Dolemite is totally not serious and those who think it's meant to be taken at face value. Rudy Ray Moore is a tubby black comedian, he doesn't actually think he's a badass kung fu sex machine you guys!

 

 

El Mariachi - Probably the most ambitious low budget movie I've seen. It's crazy how Robert Rodriguez made this movie and even crazier considering how good it turned out.

 

Desperado - El Mariachi with a budget! Fun, violent, and Salma Hayek's boobs for this brief period of time were probably the best boobs in the whole world. F'serious.

 

Once Upon a Time in Mexico - The oft-hated 3rd part in the trilogy. Except not really. I think what one takes away from Once Upon a Time is what they think it is. If you're looking for Mariachi 3, this is not the movie. True, El Mariachi is indeed in this movie, but he's a small part of a very large ensemble cast. He's not even the main character. It's a rather unsatisfying end to a trilogy, but as its own movie it's quite good.

 

Enter the Dragon - I don't think I need to elaborate on this one.

 

Every Which Way But Loose - Eastwood as a good ole' boy bareknuckle fighter with a pet chimpanzee that drives around fucking up Nazi bikers and hitting on Sondra Locke. More Burt Reynolds in tone, but Eastwood gets to show his fun side and it's an enjoyable movie.

 

Any Which Way You Can - Even Eastwood likes this one better than the first. It's got more fighting, more fucking, more Clyde, and a more interesting plot!

 

Extereme Prejudice - Walter Hill! Nick Nolte and Powers Boothe as opposite sides of a cross-borders drug war! Michael Ironsides and a team of mercenaries (including William Forsythe and Clancy Brown) as a kind of chaotic neutral side-plot. Not quite his best, but one of the better ones.

 

First Blood

 

First Blood Part 2 - A lot dumber than is predecessor, but it still has a couple of good message moments and the action is solid.

 

Rambo - An action movie that's violent, deep, and satisfying without pulling punches. The fact that Stallone directed this is probably the most shocking thing about it and it's definitely the best acting he's ever done.

 

The French Connection - The movie that kicked off William Friedkin's legendary 1971-1985 run (which featured The Exorcist, Sorceror, and To Live and Die in L.A.) It's a good movie in its own right but also has one of the ballsiest chase scenes ever filmed (particularly since they didn't get a permit to do it.) One of Gene Hackman's best and most memorable roles.

 

The Gauntlet - Another Eastwood/Sondra Locke vehicle. Locke's a witness in an important case and Eastwood has to get her to the courthouse on time. Unfortunately everybody Vegas to Phoenix is gunning for her, including the cops. It's pretty middle of the road for most of the way, but the finale alone is worth the price of admission.

 

The Getaway - Steve McQueen plays a role almost tailored for him as a bankrobber trying to get to Mexico. Unfortunately it doesn't keep the downbeat Hell of an epilogue (or just the downbeat tone of the book in general.) Still a great movie.

 

Gone in 60 Seconds - H.B. Halicki's pet project. An hour long chase sequence with a few scant minutes of exposition. One of the best car chase movies ever made. Halicki would go on to die in the production of its sequel, thus reminding everyone of why stunt coordinators/doubles are an important part of the business.

 

Gone in 60 Seconds - Not as good as the original but it's Cage, it's car chases, and Angelina Jolie is thankfully not in it for very long. It's decent, but anytime anyone talks about Gone in 60 Seconds/Eleanore I think of Halicki's movie.

 

Hanna - Don't need to go into this one.

 

Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man - Mickey Rourke and Don Johnson respectively as two bikers trying to stop and evil corporation from doing... something... and there's this made up drug and it's supposed to be futuristic but now it just looks retro. Whatever, it's a good watch, it's just not terribly cerebral.

 

Hot Fuzz

 

The Italian Job - Great movie with a great ending, Michael Caine at his finest.

 

The Italian Job - Shitty remake, almost none of it takes place in Italy, Edward Norton phones it in. Otherwise a decent movie in its own right.

 

Johnny Handsome - Not much action, but a good movie with Mickey Rourke, Lance Hendrickson, and Herschel from The Walking Dead. Another great Walter Hill movie.

 

The Last Boyscout

 

Lethal Weapon

 

Lethal Weapon 2

 

Lethal Weapon 3 - I haven't watched this in so long I don't even remember what its about

 

Lethal Weapon 4 - Riggs and Murtaugh vs. Jet Li!

 

Machete

 

The Mummy - More horror than action, the second major role of Arnold Vosloo's to feature bad skin

 

The Mummy Returns - Unquestionably action now

 

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor - Had its moments, no cinematic spawn can be worse than Brendan Fraiser's onscreen son. Jet Li's fight between Fraiser and douchey-McPopcollar is weirdly reminiscent of the fight scene between he, Danny Glover, and Mel Gibson at the end of Lethal Weapon 4.

 

Ong Bak - Fuck yes! There are no sequels to this movie

 

Payback: The Director's Cut - Might as well be called Payback: The Version That Doesn't Suck And Is, In Fact, Great. Fucking love this movie.

 

Red - Enjoyed it, totally different from the comic, but that works to its benefit.

 

Red Heat - Another Walter Hill movie, probably one of his worst ones but it's still better than most non-blockbuster Arnold movies of the era. A buddy cop movie with an American Detective (John Belushi) and a Russian Policeman (Schwarzennegar) Arnold's Russian accent is worse than Van Damme's Cajun from Hard Target and the movie just feels like 48 Hours Part 3, but it's still decent.

 

Shaft - A meandering mess of a movie, but Richard Roundtree makes it work in his first turn as that private dick who's a sex machine to all the chicks.

 

Smokey and the Bandit - FUCKING CLASSIC! This movie is untouchable (Fuck you Logan, even you can't ruin this for me!)

 

Smokey and the Bandit 2 - Not half as good, but still entertaining.

 

Shoot 'Em Up - This came out around the same time as Crank but its a funnier, cooler, better made movie. Clive Owen owns this movie and Paul Giammatti is great as well.

 

Smokin' Aces - I sat on this for so long because of all the "mehs" I heard. This is a great movie! What the fuck, people?

 

Snakes on A Plane - After the meme smoke cleared, this is still a fun little movie.

 

Soceror - A group of four men with shady pasts hiding out in South America have a very dangerous job. Transport (using two rickety ass old trucks) a crate of VERY unstable dynamite across an entire country using the shitty south American roads without getting asploded so you can put out the oil well fire and get your job back. Great tense movie, one of Friedkin's best.

 

Southern Comfort - Part of the Walter Hill Holy Trinity (This one, The Warriors, and Streets of Fire) A group of National Guard Soldiers play war games in the swamps of Louisiana. After stealing some boats from some Cajuns and playfully shooting blanks at them, the Cajuns fire back with real bullets and kill their commanding officer. Now the soldiers are chased through the swamp by an unknown number of Cajuns who are hunting them down and picking them off one by one. Great movie: as much a horror movie as it is an actioner. Hill has said it wasn't meant to be an allegory of Vietnam but it works as one pretty flawlessly. Features an awesome cast of Keith Carridine, Powers Boothe, Peter Coyote, Fred Wadr, and Brion James. Makes a great double feature with Assault on Precinct 13 (or even a triple feature with the former and The Guantlet)

 

Streets of Fire - Billed as a rock 'n roll fable. Basically Rock Singer Ellen Aim (Diane Lane) is kidnapped by a group of bikers led by Raven Shaddock (a very young Willem Defoe) and ex-soldier/ex-boyfriend Tom Cody (Michael Par'e doing his best John Wayne) is hired to go in and get her with the help of fellow ex-soldier McCoy (a very young Amy Madigan) and her manager/boyfriend Billy Fish (Rick Moranis in the must un-Rick Moranislike performance of his career) It's a great action movie with great music by The Blasters (did the opening credits for From Dusk Till Dawn). Jim Steinman (did all Meatloaf's music), and frequent Walter Hill collaborateer Ry Cooder. It's kind of a musical but the musical numbers are all actual musical performances instead of 4th-wall breaking dance numbers that break the flow of the story. It was also the inspiration for Final Fight (you can see a lot of this in the costuemes the characters wear.) It's less a movie and more of an experience.

 

Surviving the Game - Pretty much Hard Target except with Ice-T. It's got a lot of great character actors playing the hunters like Gary Busey, John C. McGinley, Rutger Hauer, Charles S. Dutton, and F. Murray Abrahahm. Unfortuantely the movie makes the mistake of killing off most of the intersting ones first. Still a decent watch.

 

Tango and Cash - Should've gotten a sequel

 

Taken

 

To Live and Die in L.A. - The other bookend to the legendary William Friedkin movie run started by The French Connection. It's a very thematically similar movie and even features a very similar car chase. One of the great twists of cinema at the end too, and a mean one at that.

 

The Tournament - Another missed classic. Basically there's this big contest where a group of hitmen (and women) fight it out to the last man for money/power/forgiveness/etc. Robert Carlyle as a drunken priest gets accidently pulled into the proceedings. The movie's fun, bloody, and has a pretty good story and fight coreography. It also has a pretty good cast including Ving Rhaimes, Liam Cunningham, John Lynch, and Scott Adkins

 

Torque - Fucking amazing send-up of The Fast and the Furious and similar movies that, like Dolemite, does its job just a little too well. I love this movie.

 

The Exterminator - Kind of like the Punisher or Deathwish. It's middle of the road and the cover is misleading and makes you think that he kills somebody with a flamethrower but he just threatens them with it (however in the sequel he flamethrowers the fuck out of everything)

 

True Lies - The last good movie James Cameron made. I also feel like making the point that while the names Tom Arnold and Jim Belushi are bad in a comedy, they're great in an action movie.

 

Trespass - The only movie I'm aware of to feature both Ice-T and Ice Cube. Basically William Sadler and Bill Paxton play firefighters that get wind of some stolen gold that's been hidden in an old building in East Saint Louis so they go to find it, they do this but witness a murder by Ice-T and have to hole up in the building and find a way out. Another Walter Hill movie and another good one, just not Holy Trinity good.

 

Undisputed - The last movie Walter Hill directed prior to this year's Bullet to the Head. The cover features an explosion and a helicopter which is misleading as its about prison boxing. Basically Ving Rhaimes plays Mike Tyson (he's an undisputed champion and a mouthy narcissistic asshole that totally raped a girl, it's not subtle) who ends up in prison and gets challenged to a match by the prison champ (Wesley Snipes as a less popular boxer that got put in the penitentiary for murder) and the whole thing is arranged by Peter Falk. It's a great movie, just don't go in expecting a caper movie or anything that involves helicopters or explosions in any great measure.

 

The Warriors - I find it hard to believe anybody doesn't know about this. But it's a movie about a New York street gang trying to get all the way from The Bronx home to their home turf of Coney Island in one long violent night after being framed for the murder of the Malcolm X of all gang members, Cyrus. It features a very young James Remar and is one of the great iconic cult films of the 70s and 80s.

 

The Punisher (Lundgren) - Has a lot of the trappings of 80s action movies but it's everying anybody wants in a Punisher movie and a bag of chips. Lundgren plays pretty much the Garth Ennis version of the character years before it even existed.

 

The Punisher (Jane) - Not the Punisher movie you wanted, but the one you deserved. A fucking brilliant well thought out 70s syle action-revenge movie with more nuance and brilliance than the character or subject matter deserve. Unfortunately it makes the mistake of trying to emulate the Welcome Back Frank series written by Garth Ennis that was popular at the time and those few attempts fail. (Though honestly, only the Russian really fails. Joan isn't much of a mouse but Spacker Dave and Bumpo are actual characters now and Joan's not so bad as her own character.) This movie was too good for the whole lot of yez.

 

The Punisher (Stevenson) - Hoo, this was a dumb fucking movie. It is a very charming kind of dumb though: from the ridiculously over-the-top violence, the two very Irish actors trying to sound Italian, or Wayne Knight showing that in addition to Dennis Nedry he is also the living embodiement of Mircochip. Unfortunately it's not very compelling. It goes camp when it should go dark and goes dark when it should go camp. It's more Ennis-esque but only suffers for it. Pure popcorn movie.

 

Wanted - A movie that's both more and less stupid than the Mark Millar comic it's based on. Still too fun for me not to own.

 

V for Vendetta - A bit preachy and very republican. S'alright.

 

Big Trouble in Little China - A great horror/action/kung fu/fantasy movie. Makes a great double feature with Army of Darkness (or triple feature with Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension)

 

Lockout - It's Escape From New York in space but Guy Pearce is so fucking great in it you don't even care that the whole thing's kinda dull.

 

Taxi Driver - King of Comedy is better!

Okay, I like this movie quite a lot. I just have to get my jabs in. King of Comedy is better, though.

 

 

 

On The Warror's Way. CJ and Rachael watched it a few months ago, I kinda half paid attention and I wasn't impressed but I've been meaning to go back and give it a proper chance.

 

On Striking Distance. Haven't even heard of it, I'll give it a chance.

 

On AVP: Requiem. Darkness was definitely one of the main problems with that movie, the lightning guy should be fired. I secretly hope it was that guy Christian Bale yelled at.

 

On Predator 2. Oh, I'm fully aware of what people WANTED for Predator 2. That is because people are stupid. They just wanted more predators, which is a dumb fucking concept. I remember when Predators came out Shock Till You Drop ran an article about the comic that was what Predator 2 SHOULD HAVE been, it was literally Dutch's (Arnold's character) twin brother as a New York city detective that (with the 3rd act help of his commando brother) fights off a predator invasion. And from what I understand, that's pretty much what most people wanted. That is completely missing the entire point of Predator. The movie spent the first half establishing these guys as the ultimate badasses for a reason, it was to show that the predator was just a ridiculous killing machine. They even use the John McClane style hero cop with Bill Paxton's character and groom him as the hero only to kill him off half way through. The government and the police all get their shit together and they're still not enough and we look and all that's left is "I'm gettin' too old for this shit" Danny Glover. How the fuck is he supposed to fight off the Predator?! That's the point though, he has to outsmart the Predator and unlike Dutch in part one he doesn't have all kinds of heavy ordinance and he's not in peak condition or have all kinds of badass commando training. Yet he manages to outwit and just generally fuck up the Predator. Even when it engages its wrist bomb like at the end of the first one, he figures out a lot quicker than Dutch did what that thing is and disables it using its own weapons. It's a fresh angle on the idea and a much more clever movie, but everyone just wanted more merceneries and more predators. Well Predators gave them what they wanted, and while it's not a bad movie and gives everybody what they want, it's a soulless movie that's not anywhere near as fun as it should be. I mean it's got Adrien Brody, Walt Goggins, and Larry FUCKING Fishburne: we get an honest to God LARRY Fishburne performance for the first time in years and it's wasted. Topher Grace is the most compelling character! People claim that Robert Rodriguez was the guiding force behind it but I know that's not true because if he was the secret puppetmaster then the movie would have had a lot more personality and not relied as much on nostalgia. I find AVP: Requiem to be a more interesting movie than Predators.

 

On Soldier.

super cliche stuff with a boring villain/world etc

That's missing the whole point though, really. Soldier is a very deep movie, like crazy deep and I honestly think that the critical reception it got and the way the studio fucked up Event Horizon that broke Paul W.S. Anderson and turned him into Michael Bay Jr. Soldier is, ostensibly, an action movie, true. But it's actually kind of the opposite of that. The opening builds up the character Todd as a soul-less super soldier killing machine in the opening crawl. It then brings in his replacement: a bioengineered supersoldier that's even less human than Todd's super-conditioned Hitler youth ilk. (This is a very transparent metaphor for how war becomes more and more inhuman with each technological advancement and it's important for where we're going.) So Todd gets his ass kicked and gets dumped out with the trash, boo hoo he's a facist weapon, so what?

 

Well now he gets found by these people who have, by whatever cruel twist of fate, been stranded on this trash planet. They've managed to eke out an exsistence and are naturally wary of Todd because they know what he is. He's an inhuman killing machine. Suprisingly (and slowly) Todd integrates himself into their culture in a montage scored by a fucking Lorena McKennit song, possibly the least action movie-ish music cue ever. Todd's becomnig more human, he's having actual emotions and the musical cue is a very VERY unsubtle (though apparently too subtle for most critics who point toward this scene as the one that sinks the ship) way of showing this. It's the anti-Action movie montage, he's becoming passive and kind and good and the music is very un-kickass.

 

But when he finds out his old unit is coming back, he immediately hardens the fuck back up and starts scaring the locals again. And finally after throwing a poisonous snake at a small child they decide enough is enough and kick him out. Except they realize later that he was teaching the kid how to kill the snake so that he could help protect them because none of these people know how to fight. Todd wasn't regressing, he was preparing to protect those he loved from what he's all too aware are the most merciless and deadly killers in the galaxy.

 

Everything comes to a head when the biosoldiers arrive to wipe out the whole planet (for supervillainy evil reasons, I'll admit that's not well thought out) he finds his old unit, now reduced to shitty gruntwork and manages to use their feelings of being obsolete to bring them into the fold on his side. And then in the climax of the movie, Todd manages to beat Jason Scott Lee's Caine, the stone killer who kicked his ass before because he's now emotionally invested in winning. The facist killing machine, having become human is now able to beat the inhuman killer (and its leader the literal embodiment of the militarial industrial complex) because he's passionate in standing up for what's right, not just following orders. This movie is full of super-obvious metaphores that seem to go over most peoples' heads. It's really an anti-action movie in a lot of respects but that's why I like it. It does what Universal Soldier was trying to do except it does it well (though the last two Universal Soldier movies have knocked it out of the park and one-upped Soldier) and it's a really fucking good movie. Kurt Russell gives the performance of a lifetime since he has to convey pretty much all of this shit without talking.

Edited February 18, 2013 by Iambaytor

[Keth]

I need to give Lockout another chance. Its one of those I through up on netflix and didnt pay attention too.

 

Also, since you're a big Walter Hill fan from the looks of it, check out Southern Comfort. I go into these topics assuming you've already seen all the movies, but if not- it's basically Deliverence without the rape and with more awesomeness. At least, that's how it was when I first saw it, but it is a damn cool movie from what I do remember.

Edited February 18, 2013 by axel_napalm

[Iambaytor]

It's in the big spoiler dump, I paid way too much money for a copy of the out-of-print DVD but it was worth it. Here's hoping Shout Factory or somebody does a Blu-Ray edition soon as that's totally a movie worth owning on BluRay.

 

Nick, since you're already digging up Assault on Precinct 13 got ahead and grab Southern Comfort and watch 'em back-to-back. You won't regret it.

 

Also go ahead and get Retroactive, Cat Run, and Streets of Fire. I promise you you will thank me for all three.

[Keth]

Ah, my head was messing with me, totally missed it! But yeah that's a great movie, gotta check out Streets of Fire now too. +1's are imminent sir.

[Iambaytor]

Everybody needs to check out Streets of Fire, it is amazing and you'll probably immediately download the soundtrack upon finishing it.