Jables Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 So really I'm just continuing in the train of thought of my forefather, but occasionally shit will happen here where everyone gets involved in a central thread for a day and it conjures the image of a genuine 80's sitcom, but to be fair I assess all facets of reality through the medium of television, movies and comics. So I figure what? We'll take turns setting up situations to work within the parameters of a half-hour sitcom format, I have high hopes of good material from the likes of Logan & Panch*, and would love to see what kinda shit the rest of you can come up with too. I'm currently putting something together to put up later, this is just to take the temperature of reciept before going all out with this. *Panchlation: me-like-you-words-make. Funny 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jables Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 Quick Revision: between a low attention and wanting to keep it punchy, I've decided for my part I'ma just keep it to single scenes with setup/resolution. I like to think this'll still work well if someone else steps in to write another scene involving other players in a different part of the bar, as this is generally the way multi-character sitcoms work with two stories converging in a single ep anyways. Is anyone even reading this? Hondos Bar: Season 1/Ep 1 Interior: Poorly-lit basement Bar of Hondos- informally known by it's patrons as 'Fight Club', it's rarely frequented and only ever really used when wagers go awry or someone stiffs NZA on the bartab. Hondos has a few different bars scattered across it's 3 levels, each with different themes, decor and clientele. Pan out to Panch, huddled over cracked stein of something cheap and domestic, mumbling at Doj who looks on indifferently spit-polishing glasses like an old-time saloon keeper. This is the closest thing Fight Club has to running water. Panch: Seven fuckin' years on this board and you'd think that Aussie cunt'd learn how to speak good english like me. LISTEN TO ME YOU GUYS, I SPEAK THE ENGLISH GREAT. THE FUCKIN' JUDGE TOLD ME I WAS ONE OF THE BETTER SPOKEN PEOPLE IN NEW ORLEANS. HE SAID I SHOULD BE A TEACHER OR SOMESHIT. Division of Joy: Wouldn't legal dramas prevent you from working with kids? Panch: Apparently not. Even registered sex offenders get a second chance teaching English to high schoolers here. enter The JZA JZA: fjweriopjveothjiwfoAsperger'svehwerothiwe0igClerks At this point in time we choose not to provide subtitles for JZA's erratic speech patterns, thus you simply imagine it as a noise similar to the Tasmanian devil makes in the Looney Tunes, and get things through Panch-o-vision Panch: I'm sick the fuck of it man! I can't understand what you're saying! And I'm sure it's not just me! Come on you guys, tell me I'm right! Enter The NZA DOJ: Meh. NZA: What's all the hollering? I just managed to convince a bunch of beatniks that this might be a 'happening scene' man, I mean, far out. Between poetry recitals we discuss the intellectually dishonest nature of Objectivism and JZA: fje3fewiopth'gscallywagsflepf[leflpefklfkpegtkyour mother's pussy Panch: See this shit? What the fuck's he saying right here?! NZA: I dunno how much clearer he can be, man. He's on some other-level shit there and though I have to check that half of it is even meant to be said with a human tongue, I love the guy's spirit. DOJ: Get a drink or get the fuck out NZA: Man that Doj is a salty bitch. Anyways, I gotta get back to these new guys. One of the girls is kinda fit and she seems to like talking about having a cock for some reason. ---End scene--- 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Star Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 lmao!! This def has possibilities! lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keth Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 I'd say that's a successful pilot. MOAR PLZ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jables Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 I figure Logan's probably balls-deep in another 12 hour shift and Panch only half-gets what is even happening right now, so I'll start on the other scene maybe and someone else can pick up after that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Star Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 I'll ponder that...and maybe work on something...send it to you to edit and translate tomorrow possibly...well done booger, still cracks me up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senshik Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Bwagahhahahaaaa!!!!! Best thread of 2011!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jables Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 Hondos Bar Ep 1 scene 2 Exterior: Hondos Beer Garden fosters the more cultured and topical conversations and patrons in an open air environment. There are some classy plants lining one wall, a couple of ahstrays on the opposite wall for the smoker's section under a colourful mural depicting Martin Luther King Jr teabagging George Bush Sr, while an interracial transexual couple with bionic tendrils for legs ride a 3 eyed fish over a rainbow. Seen on the ground in one corner is a single bar napkin with what appears to be ejaculate on a skidmark and in crayon scrawled 'JZA MAKE FUNEEE'. This is promptly picked up with those claw things highway cleaners use by Lycaon. He's the barkeep here and won't stand for littering. He drops this trash in a chute marked 'Crap Shack'. Lindsay sits at the bar with Master Star nursing a couple of Pina Coladas and discussing... Ribbons or Justin Timberlake. Master Star: ... and THAT's when I dropped the safety word, because christ knows as much as I love the colour purple I need full use of my legs. Lindsay: So true Lycaon returns to the bar Lycaon: can I freshen your drinks ladies? Linds: Not mine, thanks. My ride's here. Lindsay leaves, getting into a car with the impossibly coolest, prettiest man you've ever seen and tragically, will never know Star: ANOTHER! I wanna get CRUNK in this bitch! Enter Bindusara. Noone knows where he came from. He just seems to apparate next to Star Bindy: Two house specials, barkeep. Hold the consent. Ly: Two shots of Loki coming up, Rape-guy. ---End Scene--- Yes it's short, it's called 'decompression'. And I figure Panch is about to blow all our socks off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Star Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 ...one does not drink pina coladas to get crunk...just sayin' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Hightower Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 HOW TO SPEAK AUSTRALIAN STRAIGHT BEER FOSTERS: AUSTRALIAN FOR BEER ...and now back to the show... Interior: Hondo's Bar's bathroom. Also know as 'The Crap Shack'. JZA is standing in front of the urinal with a confused look... either it seems his penis size has disappointed him or he simply doesn't know how to use the urinal. He is from Australia after all. Panch walks in... Panch: Oh, Christ... Audience: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Jay: Badrfrajilthvissmacktuooo. Audience: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Panch: Wait, hold on, let me get my 'FostersTM How to speak Australian' translator out. *pulls out small book* Audience: WOOOOOOOOOO!!! YEAH! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Panch: Ok, say that again? Jay: Badrfrajilthvissmacktuooo. Audience: HAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahahaha!!! Panch: *whispers to self while flipping through book* Ok... 'I have to tell you something'. Is that what you said? Jay: *nods* Panch: Oh great, it's gonna be one of THOSE episodes... Audience: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Jay: Dunblutriftooplotdumbuldore... Audience: HAHAHAHA!! Panch: *flips through book* 'I have'... what do you have Jay? Jay: *drops his head* ...Assburgers. Audience: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Panch: *flips through book, stops* Wait, what? Did you just say... 'ass... burgers'? Audience: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Jay: *starts to storm out* Panch: Wait... do you mean... Aspergers? Audience: *deathly quiet* Panch: I... I never knew. Jay: *stands, back towards Panch* Panch: This explains a lot actually. Audience: HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Jay: *runs out* Panch: Jay wait! Damn... I guess this will be resolved later... *winks* Audience: WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Panch: *puts away book, stands 2 feet from urinal, starts to unzip pants* Audience: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! YEAH!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Scene ends. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Star Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jables Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 ... The point is you tried, champ. Now who wants to go ice cream? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Star Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 I like ice cream. Axel's reading too...maybe he likes ice cream too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jables Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 Axel's replying, so maybe he'll save the thread from Panch's sabotage! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keth Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 The reading material around here is always awesome even if it isn't. And for that: fucking pressure..... New Scene~ Axel Napalm waltz's into Hondo's Bar blissfully unaware of recent events. Axel: Think I'll hit up the arcade and see what's new in th..... *glances at backroom with the words fight club scrawled across the door* But first this! *opens door and peeks in* Axel witnesses an exchange between JZA and Panch: Axel slowly backs out of the room END hardly saved, but i gave it a shot :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jables Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 Can't wait to get home and watch those vids. I'm glad folks are getting in on it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iambaytor Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 *the writing equivalent of Logan's despcription of that inbred girl table-dancing in the cafeteria* You just took this show from season 1 to season 7 man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Hightower Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Thank you. Thank you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jables Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 (edited) I simply liked to think we were better than laughtracks. Edited July 14, 2011 by The JZA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Hakujin Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 RE: EP1 Scenes 1 & 2 How can Bindy just "apparate"? The guy should have a cutaway to a DIFFERENT rape van each time he pulls up to the bar. Other than that, it was not totally horrid, Jay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 well, we made it to page 2 before accusations of shark-jumping came up, that's something. ~and now, a short intermission to get back on track: told in the timeless format of .gif's~ *decapitated head of a new member flies out bar's double doors* Ron Howard (narrator): things were quickly coming to a head. *enters NZA* (how NZA seems himself in this setting) (how the rest of cast sees NZA) + NZA: fellas, i don't mean to be a drag or nuthin', but...if ya'll might just use the bathrooms to uh, you know, to defecate or love yourself or whatever, i mean, i'm not trying to tell people what to do but it's kind've a tight spot im in here with us not bringing in new clientele, and i hate to bring this up for like the 2nd time in 10 years, but it's not like you guys are payin' the bills or nothing, you know, and... *camera shifts to panch, already preoccupied in the prior scene's dream-state* (panch is shown as how he sees himself) (how he is presented to fellow cast) Young Panchy: YO FUCK THAT, YOU ACT LIKE YOU RUN THE PLACE JUST BECAUSE YOU OWN IT. I'M SICK AND TRIED OF YOU DOING WHATEVER YOU WANT AFTER EVERYBODY SAYS ITS OKAY. ALL I EVER DO IS GIVE AND GIVE AND YOU WON'T PUT MY NAME ON THE DOOR, THIS PLACE IS SOME OL BULLSHIT. I KNOW I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO FEELS THIS WAY EITHER! *takes coat, and everyone else's, leaving poorly misspelled I.O.U. in bindy's name* Ron Howard: no one else felt this way. *camera pans to JZA, already sloshed at bar's opening from the prior night* (how JZA sees himself) (how everyone else sees JZA) JZA: औऌआऊ!! Star: i know, right? you said it, jay! NZA: he's talking about my hip-hop selections again, isn't he? i swear to god i'm not making up these artists. he has the fucking internet. Star: he said "fuck was that about?". you guys have known him for years, shouldn't you be able to read him by now? NZA: ... I knew that. inner monologue: oh you fucking empathetic cunt! i'll fucking ban you if you contradict me again, you think i won't?! this is like that time logans put earwax on my marker board with the new policies. that fucking HNNNNNNNNGHHHH ...keep your cool, NZA. he can't have developed an immunity to 2 different brands of bleach in his drinks. any day now. *JZA smiles, attempts to stumble towards the bathroom. speaking to the workings of his mind, his stumbling is presented as the star from Precious struggling to finish Double Dare for cupcakes* *a funnel of vomit manifests* NZA: ...fuck my life; i'm not cleaning that. Ron Howard: Enter, Axel. (Axel as he sees himself:) (how axel is seen by the rest of the cast normally) (how axel is currently seen, observing a recent horrible casting call per his celebrity look-a-like) Axel: I got this, guys! I'm your man! NZA: +1, axels, atta boy! and while you're at it, baytor left a few more dead hookers out back. You know the drill, pal! Axel: uh, sure thing NZA! no problem! inner monologue: NZA ... I could've been somebody, you know star? it's like what Aristotle said about Ron Howard: there was a long soliloquy here, but let's fast forward. *unknown amount of time passes* NZA...maybe, andre. Maybe it does go back to my childhood. But you're right, I'm just going to ban Logans forever. 3K: NZA ...forever ever. I've just gotta make it look like an accide...wait, why is he on my computer? Ron Howard: Lindsay had not left, because Lindsay never truly leaves. Also, her boyfriend is an elaborate illusion, but that's for another episode... *pans to NZA's office* LL turns to Logans: NZA: LOGANSSSSSS *fist to the sky, close-up on manly tears* ~The short intermission is now over, and the show proper resumes.~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Hightower Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 As Panch storms out with everyone's coats he slips on the severed head and falls into the street. While brushing himself off a sausage truck slams into him killing him instantly. The driver is unaware and proceeds to finish his delivery of sausages to Hondo's Bar. Overjoyed, the Hondonians begin to shove sausages down their throats. Panch is unidentifiable on account that he turned into a fine mist when hit. Only two middle fingers remain in the street... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iambaytor Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 I love how my prostitute killing is canon even in the world of the Hondo's Bar sitcom, that officially makes this a spin-off of the Knoll comics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 dog-whistle references are the best references Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jables Posted July 14, 2011 Author Share Posted July 14, 2011 It's like you people have never. Seen. a Sitcom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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