The NZA Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 *ahem* so, aside from Pinky, DD never had a mascot, and so i figured when i opened this place, id give it a go. The best i came up with for our bar was (eeyore's favorite): Drinky Duck Now, Drinky wasnt a nice duck...he was downright...surly. I tried - god, how i tried! - to get him to say cute things, or just be nice, but all he wanted to talk about was vodka IV's, and yell "Where the white women at?!". He was known for rambunctious behavior at all hours, along with his forgotten cohort, Drunken Monkey of the Links section. When he passed at the end of last year, due to massive mallard cirrhosis, it was commented that his own mother didnt miss him. Tragic, but true. At times, popular threads attempted their own creations, such as... Blarghy ...who, though pleasant (most likely due to being unintelligble), was last seen by the mexican border, filled with illegal goods. Out track record in this department isnt doing so well. In a bold, controversial move, Keshante attempted to spread his love for pooh-bear all over Hondo's, but his love for the peaceful, marketable bear ran out when Pooh's more ill-tempered cousin, Poohnanny-bear showed up and devoured him. This move was heralded by all hondonians, and therefore, we unveil our latest malevolent friend... Ladies and gentlemen, i give you: Pythagoras, or P, or goras, as he goes by, but he doesnt seem fond of "thag". He arrived today at Hondo's central in an ominious box, with the return address of "Lativa, suckers" and a note saying that he enjoys long waddles on the beach, and eating babies. We've since determined that he is either a Penguinky or a Monkapenguin, but he's definitely of the simian/spheniscidae persuasion, and is absolutely charming: his all but vestigial fins keep him from flinging poo, but this sure doesnt stop him from trying, god bless 'im! The point is: he loves you all*, and not just the juices inside of you. Please make him feel welcome, and give me ideas as to what to do with him. *: i dont think he's made up his mind about jax yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MetalHeart Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 Welcome, goras! ...does he like the juices that flow outside of people? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperEeyore Posted March 23, 2005 Share Posted March 23, 2005 DRINKY DUCKY DIED!!!! SAY IT AINT SO...!!!! :: runs crying to the other room :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted March 24, 2005 Author Share Posted March 24, 2005 DRINKY DUCKY DIED!!!! SAY IT AINT SO...!!!! :: runs crying to the other room :: your concern is sweet, but perhaps unwarranted. there streets are ablaze with rumors of drinky's return as a duck of the undead, though im not sure how well he's fairing, as another rumor points to him still doing only booze, unless your blood alcohol level's over 4.0, in which case youre prolly dead anyway. More people must welcome Pythagoras, or the baby eating starts early. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aartemys Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 I've always wanted a Monkapenguin! My mommy told me that they were EXTINCT! SHE'S A LIAR!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted March 24, 2005 Author Share Posted March 24, 2005 She may very well be, aarty. But on the issue of love: ....perhaps this can explain things better than I can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silent Bob Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 Well that cleared it all up for me, thanks... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend Jax Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 *: i dont think he's made up his mind about jax yet. Yeah! Well, I don't like him either! I just want to be loved.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted March 24, 2005 Author Share Posted March 24, 2005 so does he...that was the point of the graph! That's it, next time it's a pie chart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silent Bob Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 Some color coding might help, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted March 24, 2005 Author Share Posted March 24, 2005 the...the bottom part illustrates the rise in loneliness, and then red part on the left, that's to show the rise in babies...dammit, if you dont show him love, he eats things! You read it just fine, you just dont want him to be loved, or non-carnivorous! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperEeyore Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 ::sniff:: why is metal heart on that list? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MetalHeart Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 ...I'm so confused. why am I on there??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jables Posted March 24, 2005 Share Posted March 24, 2005 Man, I miss the Duck. But P-Diddy is tha MAD-NOTE!!! He doesn't hold his liquor as well as Drinky, but man is he a laff-and-a-half! He's gonna hook me up with his unnattractive but willing cousin when I get Stateside. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted March 24, 2005 Author Share Posted March 24, 2005 This is true. And he appreciates the love. MetalHeart is a benchmark on this graph for loneliness. I refer you to this pic: Metal was the first to make him feel welcome, and thus made an impression. Since that image made both he and i cry (at different times), it had an impact, and thus sweet MH became a benchmark here for loneliness; as clearly illustrated, MH level of loneliness = mini mall of babies eaten. ...am I gonna need a powerpoint presentation here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aartemys Posted March 25, 2005 Share Posted March 25, 2005 I think a powerpoint presentation will be ideal... I still cannot completely grasp his lonliness...I need some animation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted March 27, 2005 Author Share Posted March 27, 2005 While you critique the graph, thaggy only gets more and more into the later works of Poe and Reznor, and the midwest is losing its children. ...im afraid im gonna need one of you photoshop/paint kids to give gora some tears, and perhaps a few bits around him. If that doesnt get him some love, i dont know what will. i swear, soneone puts pics of how to lacerate your penis in crap shack, and you people flock to it, but we get a pseudo-mascot, and he's left to rot with superman red! its just too much to bear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperEeyore Posted March 27, 2005 Share Posted March 27, 2005 I LOVED DRINKY DUCKY....!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted March 27, 2005 Author Share Posted March 27, 2005 True, but now that he's part of satan's unholy army of the undead (..ducks?), should he ever run out of booze & crave the blood of the living, P-diddy here may be the last line of defense between the malicous mallard and your shins. I know its hard to accept, but drinky duck is not the duck we knew and (kinda) loved; he stopped being that when he came back from the dead, all eyes glowing red and quacking backwards. I assure you, when next im near a computer with MS paint, i will give you an artist's rendition. Time will heal this wound, dear Isa. Time, and...Pythagoras, who only eats babies, and mostly ones nobody wants anyway. How lovable is that?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperEeyore Posted March 27, 2005 Share Posted March 27, 2005 He's not cuddly...he looks scarry... I don't want to go near him I am afraid he is going to chew on my hand or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted March 27, 2005 Author Share Posted March 27, 2005 ...alright, alright, yes he does have a gaping maw, which sometimes smells of cabbage, and baby heads. Yes, he does belive bathing is "unlucky", he does eat ramen noodles right out of the bag, and he likes to lounge on that goddamn New Kids On The Block towel no matter how much i try to hide it from him. but..but he's just as scared and lonely as the rest of you. If you take his Yanni CD's, does he not cry? If you put his fins in warm water while he sleeps, will he not pee himself? I'm not certain about the last one, but I'm gonna try later. My point is, he'll grow on you if you let him, like asbestos, but more furry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
La Lindsay Posted March 27, 2005 Share Posted March 27, 2005 photoshop ninja said hes on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend Jax Posted March 27, 2005 Share Posted March 27, 2005 Tell him to make sure there's lens flare, or I will be forced to take matters into my own hands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jables Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 Yeah, Thaggy's the shiz. Deal with it 'Bella. Let's move along. I'm learning how to croquet crochet from my hippie housemate so's i can do him up some nice legwarmers for winter. Oh, and Nick? Superman Red says he resides in his own circle of Hell reserved only for Thunderstrike, Kesh, Jesus De Sade and you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperEeyore Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 You can make me a scarf for scarfing down on me.... ::mumbles and rants to herself:: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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