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Thread of the Living Dead


Da Cap'n
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So shoot!! All Zombie questions answered here!! ANYTHING you need to know from how to survive an attack to which was the best Zombie flick will be answered in this thread... by me... The Zombie King (except I don't boink cows... the comic fans in the house'll know what I'm talkin' about)!!

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When going out for a late night snack, what type of people do zombies most prefer?

 

Girls with metal hearts! No, Zombies really have no preference when it comes to thier meal selection! Only that it's living flesh! They do prefer human flesh over animals though! In a last resort, Zombies WILL eat any living thing it can get thier hands on!

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Can a man and woman zombie boink, and make a baby zombie? And if so, will the mommy zombie eat the baby?

 

Some theories suggest that Zombies have two main driving urges: To feed... and to boink! I don't really know if I buy that, but after that Zombie King Zero issue, I'm not too sure! I DO KNOW for sure, that if they were to get it on (which they phiscally can), they still wouldn't have a kid! You see, when a person joins the ranks of the living dead, they're just that... dead! The only thing that stays alive (to a certain extent) is the brain! Basically, the spermies and eggs are killed by the infection!

 

Yeah, if a pregnant woman is zombified, what bout the baby? What if said baby is on its way out?

 

Thats something different! We all saw in the remake of Dawn of the Dead that that is possible! I guess if a pregnant woman is Zombified her unborn child dies and turns also! Now, if the baby is on the way out and the mother has just been bitten, then it's possible that the baby escaped from being infected! It's like, if you where to get bitten on the hand and seconds later have the arm amputated, then you could have saved yourself from the virus reaching your brain (where it does all the fun stuff)!

 

Also, since WhoDey's basically askin anyway: is there such thing as a fuckable zombie, and if so, where can I he find one?

 

Yes, but head would REALLY be outta the question!

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Do Zombies need sleep? I mean the brain needs to take a break too doesn't it?

 

Zombies ARE known to take breaks once in a while! Zombies are driven by the urge to feed, but that urge is only stimulated by sights, sounds and smells (mostly sounds)! If they are alone and have nothing to stimulate those urges, then they get bored and either flop over and lay "dead" or (as George Romero as suggested) they begin to mimic doing things that they "remember" from thier past life! If you where a mechanic in life, then you might find some random car and start fiddling around under the hood! Get it?

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Why does your Best Zombie Movie poll not include Evil Dead, Evil Dead II, or Army of Darkness. Are you one of these dousche bags that split hairs and say the Evil Dead movies aren't technically zombie movies?

 

I thought of them, but I always thought that the Evil Dead Trilogy was about shit getting possesed! You know like Excorsist type shit! Evil Dead, to me, falls into that category with The Excorsist, Constantine and others! NOW the Weekend at Bernies flicks, thats a different story!

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Do Zombies need to eat? Because once they kill all the humans and make them Zombies, like in 28 Days Later, then the Zombies end up dying and were left wilth no human life forms what so ever. Therefore the end of civilazation, and the evolutionary process starts over, or just continues without humans.

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was jesus really the first (recorded) zombie?

 

Actually... no! Jesus was not the first recorded Zombie! He WAS the the most popular, though! Shit, a whole religion is based on the guy! We "consume" his "flesh"! We "drink" his "blood"! It's just that the guts and blood has evolved (thats an oximoron right there) into bread and wine! Think about it! Jesus Christ is the real Zombie King!! Nah, the first recorded Zombie was actually in Egypt!

 

Early in Egypt's history when royalty would die, the process of mummification would take place! Whole momuments were built as a "Kingdom" to it's owner! It was when "Mummies" began to return and cause terrible "plages" that they started to build these great Pyramids with many halls and mazes (those dumbfucks just thought that they weren't apeasing the Gods)! Once the Egyptians figured out that if they removed the brain, thier Kings wouldn't return, they started all that removal of the organs and shit crap! It was thier deep respect for thier royalty that that shit went on so long! I would imagine that Zombies were around before that, but it just wasn't recorded!

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Do Zombies need to eat? Because once they kill all the humans and make them Zombies, like in 28 Days Later, then the Zombies end up dying and were left wilth no human life forms what so ever. Therefore the end of civilazation, and the evolutionary process starts over, or just continues without humans.

 

Do Zombies WANT to eat? Hell yes! That's the one thing that thier "programed" to do! Do they NEED to eat? Not really...! Zombies feel the need to constantly feed, because it is the only instict that the virus hasn't gotten rid of! They're dead, and dead things don't grow! So the "food" that they consume doesn't actually sustain them! They don't get full either! Zombies are never satisfied and thats why you always see them with thier guts busted out! They'll continue to feast even after thier bodies have had enough and in most cases, thier stomachs burst! In the other cases, Zombies have gotten thier bellies eaten out by the other Zombies that "recruted" them! Most of the time they feed from the stomach, because that is the softest tissue on the human body and the easiest to rip! As to your question about Zombies taking over... well, it is a possibility, but it would be very difficult! If they did wipe us out, then they'd be alone for a while, cause I takes waaaay longer for Zombies to die out than you think (28 Days Later was an awesome movie, but it really wasn't very realistic)! I'll leave that for another question though...

Edited by Da Cap'n
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- ive a bit of a crisis here.

as noted here, La Lindsay is now a member of the undead. Is this reversible? If not, what jobs can zombies do? Cause i mean, i love the chick and all, but living or not, she gotta make her end of the rent somehow.

 

Why isn't that "Is Lindsay a Cunt" poll Crap Shacked by now, is more the mystery (you might actually get people to post in it over there)! Oh and is it me or does Ario have the longest, shinniest penis I've ever seen?

 

I'd look at Lindsay's "death" as blessing, Nick! Lindsay becoming a Zombie is your one way ticket to action, buddy!! Not for YOU, but for your pockets! Here's what I would do...

 

1) Strip the girl down to her birfday suit!

 

2) Lock her in her room!

 

3) Charge people to go in there and "look at" the Zombified remains!

 

You can be the first ever Zombie Pimp!!

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  • 2 weeks later...

im sure you covered this, but im still not clear: is boinkig zombies necrophillia? cause therye still moving and resisting and all, so i dont think it is.

 

also, will cloning result in zombies, somehow?

 

ps LL couldnt even stay a zombie long enough to build a solid clientele...and its great that youre so comfortable talkin bout ario's penis

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I am so interested in Ario's penis in fact that I am releasing a book this holiday season entitled: Ariel Gonzalez' Penis: The Little DJ That Could!

 

is boinkig zombies necrophillia?

 

Necrophillia is the, some say, "desease" (I say 'never having to pay for poontang again') fetish of being aroused by having sexual intercourse with a dead body! So having sex with a Zombie IS Necrophillia! Zombies ARE dead bodies that's brains have been attacked (and killed) by a virus! The virus, however, stays alive and "controls" the carrier untill the brain is destroyed or simply rots away by time!

 

also, will cloning result in zombies, somehow?

 

I don't think I understand the question! If your talking about comics, then NO!

 

That whole Spider-Clone debacle of the '90s is your proof!! As you know, Marvel (in an attemt to boost sales) thought up that clone craziness to try to create more "Marvel Zombies"! Only it backfired and the company went bankrupt shortly thereafter! Now if you're talkin' about Zombie Clones? That's just stupid!

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How come you never see any other zombie animals aside from humans?

 

Here's an idea...

 

Let's take your typical zombie moive like the original Dawn of the Dead, but take a group of humans trapped in a mall that's right next to a zoo. Human zombies are scary and all, but how much MORE fucking scary would it be to look off the rooftop of that mall only to see an army of zombie penguins waddling around eating people. :eh:

 

Quuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaccck

 

The penguins are coming for you Barabra....

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I didn't know penguins "quacked", but I think you're on to something here!! A zoo filled with undead animals ready to feast on the vile beasts that caged them in the first place!! That would be pretty scary! They can even take actual footage from "When Animals Attack" to make it seem more real! Titus, let's get to work makin' this happen, man!!

 

How come you never see any other zombie animals aside from humans?

 

Just cause it sounds good in movie form doesn't mean that it'll actually happen! You see, the virus that attacks, kills and re-animates can only do so to a human host! Animals CAN be infected, but the virus dies along with them when they pass! No one knows why!

 

The only animal that can serve as a host to the virus and actually be re-animated is primates! Some classes of chimps and gorillas can be "Zombified", because of there close relationship to humans!

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Why has this thread become about boinking Zombies? Can't I get some Zombie questions that don't involve boinking!?

 

Panch, is it wrong of me to want my grandmother's corpse reanimated so she's a little more lively when I'm banging her?

 

Well, if your granny is dead then you're just gonna "enjoy" what you got! As I've said before, a person that's already been dead can't be reawakened as a Zombie! They would have to of been infected in life for the virus to work! I guess bangin' an older Zombie would be safer than a young fresh one, cause they won't give ya much resistance! A little tip for those of you that are nasty as fuck!

 

P.S- Zombie Dobermans were in Resident Evil.

 

*Ahem* That was a movie... this is real life!

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Well, if your granny is dead then you're just gonna "enjoy" what you got!  As I've said before, a person that's already been dead can't be reawakened as a Zombie!  They would have to of been infected in life for the virus to work!

He was only askign if it was wrong to want it, not if it was possible. He's asking you to pass moral judgment.

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