Silent Bob Posted July 5, 2003 Share Posted July 5, 2003 Usually overlooked in "music" categories, I thought I'd give people like Weird Al and Adam Sandler a chance, so post your favorite comedic song lyrics here. They'd be a good read. I'll put a few from one of my favorites - Stephen Lynch Superhero If I could be a superhero, I would be Awesome Man I'd fly around the world fighting crime, according to my Awesome Plan And if I saw criminals trying to lie Hurting other people and making them cry I'd haul them off to jail in my Awesome Van Cause I would be Awesome Man If I could be a superhero, I'd be Immigration Dude I'd send all the foreigners back to their home for eating up all of our food And taking our welfare and best jobs to boot Like landscaping, dishwashing, picking our fruit I'd pass a lot of laws to get rid of their brood Cause I'd be Immigration Dude If you could be a superhero, would you be Justice Guy? Making sure people get what they deserve, especially women who lie Like if a wife left her husband with three kids and no job To run off to fuckin' Hawaii with some "doctor named Bob" Would you skin them and drain them of blood so they die? Especially Bob... Then you would be Justice Guy Or you could be more subtle, no, I didn't mean to be vague Give her the mad cow disease, let him die of the plague As long as they suffer for their terrible lie Especially Bob... Then you would be Justice Guy Yes then you would be, a superhero like me If I Were Gay Here we are, dear old friend You and I, drunk again The laughs have been had and tears have been shed Maybe the whiskeys gone to my head But if I were gay I would give you my heart And if I were gay you'd be my work of art And if I were gay, we would swim in romance But I'm not gay So get your hand out of my pants It's not that I don't care - I do I just don't see myself in you Another time, another scene, I'd be right behind you If you know what I mean And if I were gay I would give you my soul And if I were gay I would give you my hole...being! And if I were gay, we would tear down the walls But I'm not gay So won't you stop cupping my...uh, hand Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend Jax Posted July 5, 2003 Share Posted July 5, 2003 Great idea. soem other possible bands might include Frank Zappa, Cake, Barenaked Ladies, The Presidents, They Might Be Giants, Julie Brown. Here's 'Cause I'm A Blonde' by Julie Brown Because I'm a blonde, I don't have to think. I talk like a baby, and I never pay for drinks. Don't have to worry 'bout getting a man If I keep this blonde and I keep these tan, 'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah. 'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah. I see people workin, it just makes me giggle 'Cause I don't have to work; I just have to jiggle. I'm a blonde, B-L-O-N-D. I'm a blonde; don't you wish you were me? I never learned to read, and I never learned to cook. Why should I bother when I look like I look? I know lots of people are smarter than me, But I have this philosophy: So what? 'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah. I see girls without dates, and I feel so sorry for 'em, 'Cause whenever I'm around, all the men ignore 'em, 'Cause I'm a blonde, nyah, nyah, nyah. 'Cause I'm a blonde, nyah, nyah, nyah. They say that to make it, you need talent and ambition. Well, I got a TV show, and this was my audition: Umm ... okay ... what was it? ... umm ... Don't tell me ... Oh, yeah, okay. "Duck, Magnum, duck!" 'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah. 'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah. I took an IQ test, and I flunked it of course. I can't spell VW, but I gotta Porsche, 'Cause I'm blonde, B-L-I-N-D. 'Cause I'm a blonde; don't you wish you were me? [spoken] I just want to say that being chosen this month's Miss August Is, like, a compliment that I'll remember for as long as I can. Right now I'm a freshman in my fourth year at UCLA, But, my goal is to become a veterinarian 'cause I love children! 'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah. 'Cause were a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah. Girls think I'm snotty, and maybe it's true. With my hair and body, you would be too. I'm a blonde, B-L- ... I don't know! 'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah. 'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah. 'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silent Bob Posted July 6, 2003 Author Share Posted July 6, 2003 Heh heh good choice. Here's a classic. If I Had a Million Dollars Barenaked Ladies If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars) I would buy you a house (I would buy you a house) If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars) I'd buy you furniture for your house (maybe a nice chesterfield or ottoman) If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars) Well I'd buy you a k-car (a nice reliant automobile) And if I had a million dollars I'd buy your love If I had a million dollars I'd build a tree fort in our yard If I had a million dollars You could help, it wouldn't be that hard If I had a million dollars Maybe we could put a little tiny fridge in there, somewhere And we could just go up there and hang out Like open the fridge and stuff And there'd be foods laid out for us With little pre-wrapped sausages and things Mmmm They have pre-wrapped sausages but they don't have pre-wrapped bacon Well can you blame 'em? Uh, yeah If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars) Well I'd buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat, that's cruel!) If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars) I'd buy you an exotic pet (like a llama! or an emu!) If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars) Well I'd buy you John Merrick's remains (ew, all them crazy elephant bones) If I had a million dollars I'd buy your love If I had a million dollars We wouldn't have to walk to the store If I had a million dollars We'd take a limousine cause it costs more! If I had a million dollars We wouldn't have to eat Kraft dinner But we *would* eat Kraft dinner! Of course we would, we'd just eat more And buy really expensive ketchups with it That's right, all the fanciest ketch-dijon-ketchup! Mmm, mm! If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars) Well I'd buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress, that's cruel!) If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars) Well I'd buy you some art (like a Picasso or a Garfunkel) If I had a million dollars (if I had a million dollars) Well I'd buy you a monkey (haven't you always wanted a monkey?) If I had a million dollars I'd buy your love If I had a million dollars If I had a million dollars If I had a million dollars If I had a million dollars If I had a million do-oo-oo-llars I'd be rich. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted July 6, 2003 Share Posted July 6, 2003 If i can find the lyrics to Benefit's "Super Mario Bros rap" or Group X's "I just want (bang bang bang)" Ill post em. Need to pick my favorite Bloodhound Gang one too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyLeakyBucket Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 To coincide with my new avatar gotta give a shout out to the Python boy's... Half of what I know about philosophy I learned from Drunk Philosophers Song... EEEEEEmannuel Kant was a real pissant who was very rarely stable Eidegger Eidegger was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table David Hume could out consume good ol' Friedrich Heigel And Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Schlegel There's nothing Neitsche couldn't teach ya 'bout the raising of the wrist Socrates himself was perrrrrmenantly pissed John Stuart Mill of his own free will on half a pint of shandy was particularly ill Plato they say could stick it away half a crate of whiskey every day Aristotle Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle and Hobbes was fond of his dram Rene Descartes was a drunken fart "I drink therefore I am" Socrates himself is particularly missssed Alovelylittlethinkerbutabuggerwhenhe'spissed Mind the spelling and such but it is recalled from memory rather than cut and pasted. Impressed? :approve: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 Hah...damn song would mess me up during my finals, when i was tryin to remember who stood for what... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silent Bob Posted July 7, 2003 Author Share Posted July 7, 2003 Heh, good'n, MLB. How 'bout some Mel Brooks? The Spanish Inquisition The Inquisition! Let's begin The Inquisition! Look out sin We've got a mission To convert the Jeeews We've gonna teach 'em wrong from right We're gonna help 'em see the light And make an offer That they can't refuse Confeeeess - don't be boring! Say yeeeees - don't be dull! A fact you're ignoring It's better to lose your skull cap than your skull The Inquisition! Here we go The Inquisition! What a show We know you're wishin' that we'd go away But the Inqusition's here and it's here to stay Imprisoned Jew 1: I was sitting in a temple, I was minding my own business I was listening to a lovely Hebrew mass But then soldiers plunge in and they throw me in a dungeon And they shoved a red hot poker up my ass! Is that considerate? Is that polite? And not a tube of Preparation H in sight! Imprisoned Jew 2: I was sitting eatin' chicken and I'm siftin' through the pickin's When suddenly these guys break down my walls I didn't even know them and they grabbed me by the scrotum And they started playing ping-pong with my balls! Oh, the agony! Oo, the shame! To make my privates public for a game! Brooks: Will you convoit? Jews: No no no no Brooks: Will you confess? Jews: No no no no Brooks: Will you revoit? Jews: No no no no Brooks: Will you say yes? Jews: No no no no Brooks: Well I asked in a nice way, I said "pretty please", I've bent back their ears Now I'll work on their knees! (drums on the Jews knees with clubs) Brooks: Howdy, gents, any converts today? Guards: Not a one, nay nay nay Brooks: But we've mashed all their fingers! We've branded their buns, Nothing is working! (snaps fingers) Send in the nuns! The Inquisition! Here we go The Inquisition! What a show We know you're wishin' That we'd go awaaaaaaay So to all you Muslims and you Jews We've got some news for all of youse You better change your point of views Todaaaaaay Cause the Inquisition's here And it's here Tooooo Staaaaaaaaay! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend Jax Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 Istanbul (not Constantinople) Istanbul was Constantinople Now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople Been a long time gone, Constantinople Now it's Turkish delight on a moonlit night Every gal in Constantinople Lives in Istanbul, not Constantinople So if you've a date in Constantinople She'll be waiting in Istanbul Even old New York was once New Amsterdam Why they changed it I can't say People just liked it better that way So take me back to Constantinople No, you can't go back to Constantinople Been a long time gone, Constantinople Why did Constantinople get the works? That's nobody's business but the Turks Istanbul (Istanbul) Istanbul (Istanbul) Even old New York was once New Amsterdam Why they changed it I can't say People just liked it better that way Istanbul was Constantinople Now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople Been a long time gone, Constantinople Why did Constantinople get the works? That's nobody's business but the Turks So take me back to Constantinople No, you can't go back to Constantinople Been a long time gone, Constantinople Why did Constantinople get the works? That's nobody's business but the Turks Istanbul Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend Jax Posted July 9, 2003 Share Posted July 9, 2003 Here are two other BNL songs to compliment Bob's. These song made not seem that funny when read, but they're hilarious when heard. Who Needs Sleep? Now I lay me down not to sleep I just get tangled in the sheets I swim in sweat three inches deep I just lay back and claim defeat Chapter read and lesson learned I turned the lights off while she burned So while she’s three hundred degrees I throw the sheets off and I freeze Lids down, I count sheep I count heartbeats The only thing that counts is That I won’t sleep I countdown, I look around Who needs sleep? (well you’re never gonna get it) Who needs sleep? (tell me what’s that for) Who needs sleep? (be happy with what you’re getting There’s a guy who’s been awake Since the second world war) My hands are locked up tight in fists My mind is racing filled with lists Of things to do and things I’ve done Another sleepless night’s begun Lids down, I count sheep I count heartbeats The only thing that counts is That I won’t sleep I countdown, I look around Who needs sleep? (well you’re never gonna get it) Who needs sleep? (tell me what’s that for) Who needs sleep? (be happy with what you’re getting There’s a guy who’s been awake Since the second world war) Who needs sleep? (well you’re never gonna get it) Who needs sleep? (tell me what’s that for) Who needs sleep? (be happy with what you’re getting There’s a guy who’s been awake Since the second world war) There’s so much joy in life, So many pleasures all around But the pleasure of insomnia Is one I’ve never found With all life has to offer, There’s so much to be enjoyed But the pleasures of insomnia Are ones I can’t avoid Lids down, I count sheep I count heartbeats The only thing that counts is That I won’t sleep I countdown, I look around Hala hala hala... Who needs sleep? (well you’re never gonna get it) Who needs sleep? (tell me what’s that for) Who needs sleep? (be happy with what you’re getting There’s a guy who’s been awake Since the second world war) Grade 9 I found my locker and I found my classes Lost my lunch and I broke my glasses, That guy is huge! that girl is wailing! First day of school and I’m already failing. This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine I’ve got a blue and red adidas bag and a humongous binder, I’m trying my best not to look like a minor niner. I went out for the football team to prove that I’m a man I guess I shouldn’t tell them that I like duran duran. This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine Well, half my friends are crazy and the others are depressed And none of them can help me study for my math test. I got into the classroom and my knowledge was gone; I guess I should’ve studied instead of watching wrath of khan. This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine They called me chicken legs, they called me four-eyes They called me fatso, they called me buckwheat, They called me eddie This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine I’ve got a red leather tie and pair of rugger pants, I put them on and I went to the high school dance. Dad said I had to be home by eleven -- Aw, man, I’m gonna miss stairway to heaven. This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine This is me in grade nine, baby, this is me in grade nine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silent Bob Posted July 9, 2003 Author Share Posted July 9, 2003 A bit out've season, but ah well... The Santa Song Adam Sandler So many presents So little time Santa won't be comin' by my house this year Cause I tried to drown my sister and I pierced my ear Oh, mama made it perfectly clear Santa don't like bad boys Especially Jewish ones! Gnip-gnop and lego blocksis what I desire So why'd I hafta set the pizza guy's hair on fire? I told him I was sorry I'm a liar! So no toys for me I don't deserve 'em I coudn't wait for a Big Wheel as the holiday neared But then I told my grandma that she had a beard (Spoken) Dear Santa, I know what my problem is, why I can't be good. It's a fear of intimacy. You see my whole life whenever I met someone really great like you and I keep feeling like I'm getting too close to them something inside me makes me want to screw it up. So in a weird way the reason I'm so bad...is because I love you so much, Santa. Rock 'em- Sock 'em Robots is what I was hoping for But then I made a death threat to Vice President Gore Oh Santa won't be knockin' on my door Cause he's a big fat whore! What made me say that? Chutes and Ladders would be so good indeed So why'd I hafta sell that cop a bag of weed? Oh Santa please give me my EasyBake Oven I swear I thought billy goats were made for lovin'! So Santa won't you accept my apology Santa can't you see, I'm beggin' you please Oh Santa next year I'll do you right Live from New York it's Saturday night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silent Bob Posted July 9, 2003 Author Share Posted July 9, 2003 Some more Stephen Lynch...cause I'm sick like that. Kill a Kitten If the game of life makes you feel like quittin' It helps a lot if you kill a kitten Mark my words cause from where I'm sittin' You can't go wrong if you kill a kitten There's no crime that you'll be committin' I know the law you can kill a kitten If you need yarn for that scarf you're knittin' You'll get plenty if you kill a kitten Feed it turpentine Or break its spine Crush him with your shoe As long as you Kill a kitten If the one you love isn't quite as smitten She'll like you better when you kill a kitten And I quote the Bible cause that's where it's written If Ye loveth Jesus ye must kill a kitten Flush him down the can Hit him with your van Drown him in a lake Bake a kitty cake Throw him at a train Make him snort cocaine Stick some TNT Up his cat booty Do what you must do As long as you Kill a kitten Killing kittens isn't easy And if the thought makes you feel queasy Grab a pitchfork from the shed And kill a puppy dog instead Kill a kitten You got to Kill a kitten A little Furry kitten A little Furry kiiiiitteeeeeen Lullaby Hush little girl, sweet baby, don't cry Tonight Daddy is here and he'll sing you a soft lullaby Tonight Why can't it all be like it was before How can I explain why mommy's not here anymore Cause daddy likes porno and ten dollar whores Daddy gets wasted and robs liquor stores Daddy likes rubbing against little boys on the bus I think that's why your mommy left us Hush little girl, there is no reason to fret Tonight Don't mind the smoke, daddy just wants to forget pfffft (cough)tonight Soon it will all be like it was before Any minute she will walk through that front door But daddy plays poker and drinks lots of beer Daddy wants sex that involves mommy's rear Daddy has sores on his naughty parts oozing with puss I think that's why your mommy left us Please don't cry I swear I'll try To be here by Your side Right after daddy gets home from the bar Visits his bookie and steals a new car He'll drive to the strip club And if daddy plays his cards right He'll bring home your new mommy tonight! Ly dee di, ly dee di di dee di dee di dee di Special Fred When I was a boy of ten I had a very be-est friend Friend was kind, with good intent But just a little different Ohh, Special Fred Momma dropped him on his head Now he's not so bright, instead He's a little bit special Just a little bit I'd play tag, and he'd get hurt I'd play soldier, he'd eat dirt I liked math and the spelling bee Fred liked talking to a tree Ohh, Special Fred Momma dropped him on his head Now she keeps him in the shed Cause he's a little bit special Just a little bit I ran track, hung out in malls Fred ran headfirst into walls I had girls and lots of clothes Fred had names for all his toes Ohh, Special Fred Momma dropped him on his head Now he thinks he's a piece of bread Cause he's a little bit special One day talking to Special Fred He grabbed a brick and he swung at my head And as he laughed at me that's when I knew That Special Fred just made me special too Now I laugh as I count bugs I give strangers great big hugs Next to me, Fred is fine Yeah he's a fuckin' Einstein Ohh, Special Fred and me Now we're not right in the head, you see Now we're not so bright, instead We're a little bit special Just a little bit special That bastard Fred made me special Just a little bit Special Some other classics are Taxi Driver and What If the Guy From Smashing Pumkins Lost His Car Keys but they wouldn't transfer well into type. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend Jax Posted July 9, 2003 Share Posted July 9, 2003 Life's Gonna Suck by Denis Leary Life’s gonna suck when you grow up, when you grow up, when you grow up, Life’s gonna suck when you grow up, It sucks pretty bad right now! [Hey! If you know the words, sing along!] You’re gonna have to mow the lawn, do the dishes, make your bed, You’re gonna have to go to school until you’re 17 [it’s gonna seem about 3 times as long as that] You might have to go to war, shoot a gun, kill a nun, You might have to go to war when you get out of school! [Hey cheer up kids, it gets a lot worse!] You’re gonna have to deal with stress, deal with stress, deal with stress, You’re gonna be a giant mess when you get back from the war [santa Claus does not exist and there’s no Easter Bunny, You’ll find out when you grow up that Big Bird isn’t funny!] [FUNNY! FUNNY! FUNNY!] HAHAHAHAHA! Life’s gonna suck when you grow up, when you grow up, when you grow up, Life’s gonna suck when you grow up, It sucks pretty bad right now! You’re gonna end up smoking crack, on your back, face the fact, You’re gonna end up hooked on smack and then you’re gonna die! And then you’re gonna die-ie-ie-ie-ie-ie WAHAY! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyLeakyBucket Posted July 10, 2003 Share Posted July 10, 2003 :approve: The Lullaby and Special fred ones are deadly. Shame I don't have Kazaa right now. Gonna transcribe an amazing Pixies spoof called 'Motherbanger' by Brit comic Chris Morris (see pic below in signature) and I'll be back with that one. If you ant to get the real affect DL it, the spoof is so good mainly because it sounds exactly like them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archangel Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Again, i posted this in 'Currently listening to'...but it's soo damn funny! Weird Al-White and Nerdy Weird Al's parody of 'Riding Dirty' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jont Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Well I can laugh now Dresden Dolls, Dirty Business queen takes jack you got me this time but i'll get you back so pick a number to all the ones who tried the most was i supposed to cheer your efforts sorry that i chose so poorly golly gee am i the poster girl she's the kind of girl who looks for love in all the lonely places the kind who comes to poker pockets stuffed with kings and aces she's the kind of girl who only asks you over when its raining just to make you lie there catching water dripping from the ceiling lift your hats off to the checkout girls with tattooed backs they'd make an angels skin crawl if you ask them for assistance there's an even chance you'll get a number to all the girls at pearl the surly boys who get to masticate them i've a prize for each and every one of you so just be patient to all the ones that hated me the most a toast you really had me going for a second i was nervous boy am i the poster girl she's the kind of girl who gets her slings and arrows from the dumpster the kind who tell you she's bipolar just to make you trust her she's the kind of girl who leaves out condoms on the bedroom dresser just to make you jealous of the men she fucked before you met her to all the ones who thought they knew me best a test to prove your prowess who was mine in ‘99 i want last names and current status to all the ones who hated me the most a toast you really had me going for second i was nervous boy am i the poster girl for some suburban sickness better keep a healthy distance now its up to you know what to do it's pretty dirty business ' alt='>'> Next, George Formby! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senshik Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 SB: Special Fred by Lynch is one of my fav's! Cuz I'm just a little bit... Special. She broke my dick by ALL getting it on with... i swear this really happened i pulled my trick maneuver that's when i heard it snappin' She broke my dick OOOWWWWW SHE goddamn broke my dick ever since i met her my life's been on the rocks cold ice packs and heating pads and band aids for my... (penis) SHE BROKE MY DICK ooowwwww she goddamn broke my dick She broke my dick uuuuggggghhh she goddamn broke my dick (she broke his dick) she broke my dick (i broke his dick) she goddamn broke my dick main vein shot with cortison, ice pack on the rest it hurt so much but i'd do it again why couldn't i have just left her unsatisfied? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jont Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Well I can laugh now Dresden Dolls, Dirty Business raise your glasswe have incorporated place your bets we're all so sick of waiting queen takes jack you got me this time but i'll get you back so pick a number to all the ones who tried the most was i supposed to cheer your efforts sorry that i chose so poorly golly gee am i the poster girl she's the kind of girl who looks for love in all the lonely places the kind who comes to poker pockets stuffed with kings and aces she's the kind of girl who only asks you over when its raining just to make you lie there catching water dripping from the ceiling lift your hats off to the checkout girls with tattooed backs they'd make an angels skin crawl if you ask them for assistance there's an even chance you'll get a number to all the girls at pearl the surly boys who get to masticate them i've a prize for each and every one of you so just be patient to all the ones that hated me the most a toast you really had me going for a second i was nervous boy am i the poster girl she's the kind of girl who gets her slings and arrows from the dumpster the kind who tell you she's bipolar just to make you trust her she's the kind of girl who leaves out condoms on the bedroom dresser just to make you jealous of the men she fucked before you met her to all the ones who thought they knew me best a test to prove your prowess who was mine in ‘99 i want last names and current status to all the ones who hated me the most a toast you really had me going for second i was nervous boy am i the poster girl for some suburban sickness better keep a healthy distance now its up to you know what to do it's pretty dirty business Next, George Formby! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archangel Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 for those of you who can't listen to it, here are the lyrics: White and Nerdy Weird Al Yankovic (Parody of Riding Dirty) They see me mowin’ My front lawn I know they’re all thinking I’m so white and nerdy Think I’m just too white and nerdy Think I’m just too white and nerdy Can’t you see I’m white and nerdy? Look at me, I’m white and nerdy I wanna roll with The gangstas But so far they all think I’m too white and nerdy Think I’m just too white and nerdy Think I’m just too white and nerdy I’m just too white and nerdy. Really really white and nerdy. First in my class here at MIT Got skills, I’m a champion at D&D MC Escher - that’s my favorite MC Keep your 40, I’ll just have an Earl Grey tea My rims never spin, to the contrary You’ll find that they’re quite stationary All of my action figures are cherry Steven Hawking’s in my library My MySpace page is all totally pimped out Got people beggin’ for my top eight spaces Yo, I know pi to a thousand places Ain’t got no grills but I still wear braces I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise I’m a whiz at Minesweeper - I could play for days Once you see my sweet moves you’re gonna stay amazed My fingers’ movin’ so fast I’ll set the place ablaze There’s no killer app I haven’t run At Pascal, well I’m number one Do vector calculus just for fun I ain’t got a gat but I got a soldering gun Happy Days is my favorite theme song I could sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong I’ll ace any trivia quiz you bring on I’m fluent in javascript as well as Klingon They see me roll on My Segway I know in my heart they think I’m white and nerdy Think I’m just too white and nerdy Think I’m just too white and nerdy Can’t you see I’m white and nerdy Look at me, I’m white and nerdy I’d like to roll with The gangstas Although it’s apparent I’m too white and nerdy Think I’m just too white and nerdy Think I’m just too white and nerdy I’m just too white and nerdy How’d I get so white and nerdy I’ve been browsin’, inspectin’ X-Men comics, you know I collect ‘em The pens in my pocket, I must protect ‘em My ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored Shopping online for deals on some writable media I edit Wikipedia I memorized Holy Grail really well I can recite it right now and have you ROTFLOL I got a business doing websites When my friends need some code, who do they call? I do HTML for ‘em all Even made a homepage for my dog Yo, I got myself a fanny pack They were havin’ a sale down at The Gap Spend my nights with a roll of bubble wrap Pop, pop, hope no one sees me Gettin’ freaky I’m nerdy in the extreme And whiter than sour cream I was in AV Club and Glee Club and even the Chess Team Only question I Ever thought was hard Was do I like Kirk Or do I like Picard Spend every weekend at the Renaissance Fair Got my name on my underwear They see me strollin’ They laughin’ And rollin’ their eyes ‘cause I’m so white and nerdy Just because I’m white and nerdy Just because I’m white and nerdy All because I’m white and nerdy Holy cow, I’m white and nerdy I wanna bowl with The gangstas But, oh well, it’s obvious I’m white and nerdy Think I’m just too white and nerdy Think I’m just too white and nerdy I’m just too white and nerdy Look at me, I’m white and nerdy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend Jax Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Yeah, Weird Al's new album is pretty hot right now. White & Nerdy made it to #9 on the Billboard Top 100 charts, even higher than Beat It make in teh day (peaked at #13). He attributes the new wave of success to YouTube showing weird Al to a whole new generation who never knew him before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silent Bob Posted October 31, 2006 Author Share Posted October 31, 2006 Just for today, more Stephen Lynch Halloween Thinking of all the cool creatues that I will meet On this night Ghosts and goblins and witches, roaming the streets In moonlight Bowls of candy and goodies delicious and waiting In store The sound of cute little footsteps as they approach My front door Letting the children inside to drink beers Razor blades hidden in Three Musketeers Screams from the basement of kids begging to be set free That's what Halloween means to me Tightening the clamps that are holding their little heads So tight Putting my lips to their ears as I whisper "Please Don't fight." I promise I'll let you go home if you swear not to tell A soul Now I'll just untie these. I'm kidding. Now where is my chainsaw? Let's rock and roll A pinch of your brother, a teaspoon of you With the head of your sister would make a good stew I'd give you a taste, but your tongue's in the stew. Irony That's what Halloween means to me Trick or treat, smell my feet Give me something good to eat Trick or treat, smell my feet Give me someone Good to eat Also a couple of my favorites from the same album. Craig Everyone knows Jesus The man who healed the lame I am Jesus' brother Craig is my name Jesus is the Prince of Peace Jesus is the Lamb Jesus is the Son of God But Craig don't give a damn Because when Craig's inside We'll party all damn night I don't turn water into wine But into cold Coor's Light I'm not my brother, I know Don't walk on H20 But I got hydroponic shit That me and Judas grow I'm fuckin' Craig I'm fuckin' Craig I'm fuckin' Craig Craig Christ I hang out with lepers Barabas and Solome' Jesus' friends are called Apostles Those dudes are totally gay Jesus performs miracles From Galilee to Rome But it would be a miracle If He brought a fuckin' lady home Because while Jesus is prayin' Fuckin' Craig is layin' Every lady in the Testament You know what I'm sayin' I won't die for your sins Like my famous kin But if you've got a little sister Then there's room at this inn I'm fuckin' Craig I'm fuckin' Craig I'm fuckin' Craig Craig Christ Jesus was our mother's fav All her love to him she gave But there's no sibling rivalry When he's nailed to that tree And now the question to you Is not what would Jesus do But where will you be when the Craig Machine Comes partyin' through And if the Lord will allow You've got to ask yourself how And who and why and when and where Is your Messiah now? It's fuckin' Craig Fuckin' Craig Fuckin' Craig I'm fuckin' Craig Craig Christ Craig Christ Craig Christ I'm fuckin' Craig Ok so that one was wrong. But so is this one, probably my personal favorite of his: Little Tiny Moustache You're the love of my life But it cuts like a knife And I feel that I'm being misled See, I'm a little concerned For I recently learned Of the swastika tattoo on your head And it makes you smile When you hear "Sieg heil" You love the smell of a burning cross in the yard You do goose step salutes In your Doc Martin boots And you quoted Mein Kampf in our fifth anniversary card I think you're a nazi, baby Are you a nazi? You might be a nazi, baby You keep extensive files On the Nuremburg Trials And you watch them whenever they're airing I guess I should have known When you bought a new bone For your puppies named Goebbels and Goering You showed up late To our very first date I said "how are you", you said "white power". Call me paranoid But I'm not overjoyed When you ask me if I want to shower I think you're a nazi Don't be lyin', baby Are you a nazi? Are you anti-Zion, maybe? Your every dress Is monogrammed SS You hold and Aryan picnic and bash And it makes me irate When you say I look great When I wear a little tiny moustache Your social politics Say that races don't mix And you call it pureblood pollution And whenever I'm sad You say it's not so bad For every problem there's a final solution I think you're a nazi Give me an answer, baby Are you a nazi? You drive a fucking Panzer, baby They say that love is blind, but how could I have guessed? But then again, I met you at the Wagner-fest I know you're a nazi And that's why I'm leavin' I know you're a nazi Sure as my name is Stephen Lynch Berg Stein I could go on, his whole last album is gold, but that's already a lotta readin'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alive she cried Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 this thread like most needs more python I Like Chinese The world today is absolutely cracked. With nuclear bombs to blow us all sky high. There's fools and idiots sitting on the trigger. It's depressing, and it's senseless, and that's why... (singing) I like chinese, I like chinese, They only come up to you knees, Yet they're always friendly and they're ready to to please. I like chinese, I like chinese, There's nine hundred million of them in the world today, You'd better learn to like them, that's what I say. I like chinese, I like chinese, They come from a long way overseas, But they're cute, and they're cuddly, and they're ready to please. I like chinese food, The waiters never are rude, Think the many things they've done to impress, There's maoism, taoism, eging and chess. I like chinese, I like chinese, I like their tiny little trees, Their zen, their ping-pong, their ying and yang-eze. I like chinese thought, The wisdom that Confusious taught, If Darwin is anything to shout about, The chinese will survive us all without any doubt. So, I like chinese, I like chinese, They only come up to you knees, Yet they're wise, and they're witty, and they're ready to please Wo ai Zhong-guo ren [Wo, I chumba run] Wo ai Zhong-guo ren Wo ai Zhong-guo ren Ni Hao Ma? Ni Hao Ma? Ni Hao Ma? Zai zhen [Ne hamma? ... Chi Chen] I like chinese, I like chinese, They're food is guaranteed to please, A fourteen, a seven, a nine and li-chese I like chinese, I like chinese, I like their tiny little trees, Their zen, their ping-pong, their yin and yang-eze I like chinese, I like chinese, (fade out....) Decomposing Composers Beethoven's gone, but his music lives on, And Mozart don't go shopping no more, You'll never meet Liszt or Brahms again, And Elgar doesn't answer the door. Schubert and Chopin used to chuckle and laugh Whilst composing a long symphony, But one hundred and fifty years later, There's very little of them left to see. The decomposing composers, There's nothing much anyone can do, You can still hear Beethoven, But Beethoven cannot hear you. HÃndel and Haydn and Rachmaninow, Enjoyed a nice drink with their meal, But nowadays no one will serve them, And the gravy is left to congeal. Verdi and Wagner delighted the crowds, With a highly original sound, The pianos they played are still working, But they're both six feet underground. The decomposing composers, There's less of them every year, You can say what you like to Debussy, But there's not much of him left to hear. Claude Achile Debussy, died 1918 Christoph Willibald Gluck, died 1787 Carl Maria von Weber, not at all well, 1825. Died 1826 Giacomo Meyerbeer still alive 1863, not still alive 1864 Modest Mussorgsky 1880 going to parties, no fun anymore, 1881 Johann Nepomuk Hummel chattin' away 19 and a dozen with his mates down at the pub every evening 1836, 1837 - nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jumbie Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 My favorite musical funny guy is Tim Wilson, though I've only ever heard 2 of his songs, Acid Country and Mama was a Hitman. I'll try to get the lyrics online to post and if I don't, then I'll type in manually while I listen... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jumbie Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 ACID COUNTRY Mama made us listen to Pink Floyd and Floyd Cramer We had three square meals of mushrooms and cornbread Mama's kitchen smelled a lot like incense and cathead biscuits We'd watch Porter and Dolly then throw on the Grateful Dead 1st CHORUS Born and raised on acid country Eating turnip greens and a handful of Nebutals Daddy couldn't take it he had to go "You can't play Hendrix on a banjo" Mama Walked The Flood and laid another brick in The Wall Our heroes were Roy Acuff and Abbey Hoffman And we grew up outside of Woodstock, Tennessee Listening to Faron Young and a side of Inagaddadivita Mama made a well rounded outcast out of me 2nd CHORUS Born and raised on acid country Eating cold hamhocks and a handful of placidils Daddy couldn't take it he had to go "Playing Alice Cooper on a dobro" Wearing leather hip pokers working in the cotton fields BRIDGE And if you Don't eat your meat you can't have any pudding' And son you're walking on the Fighting Side Of Me Excuse me while I kiss the sky I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die Chet Atkins singing 'I want my MTV' 3rd CHORUS Born and raised on acid country Making Smoke On Water sound a lot like Uncle Pen Daddy couldn't take it he had to go "You can't mix Deep Purple and Bill Monroe" And Sunshine Of Your Love while yodeling ----------------------------------- MAMA WAS A HITMAN I remember when I was 'bout 2 years old in a play pen on a grassy knoll countin hollow points, waving at cars with some new schoolbooks Mr. Oswald said were ours. Mama would take us to work and some Cuban held on our hand. Mama was a Hitman We’d cross the country changing schools Mama and me and some guy named Raoul. I failed the fourth grade cause they said I was dumb. They found the principal floatin in a 55-gallon drum. then all the teachers put me on the straight A plan. Mama was a Hitman I tried basketball in the 7th grade you could count on one hand the shots that I made. I got to practice a little, but I didn't play none until the coach found an ice pick stuck threw his cranium. the assistant coach said 'son I’m you biggest fan'. Mama was a Hitman She baked cyanide cookies and rigged car bombs all the while disguised as a soccer mom. our little league coach was James Earl Ray our team pictures were taken by the CIA she could whack out a witness while workin the concession stand Mama was a Hitman (Thats my mama) Our babysitter was Mr. something Sirhan Mama was a Hitman She could build a bomb in a bowl of raisin bran Picked us up from school and we flew to Afghanistan Mama was a Hitman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jont Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Pixies- Mother Banger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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