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Ask Tulip--get your ass kicked


TulipO

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I have a friend named... urm Stan.

And he really likes farm animals.

Theres this one lamb that when she looks in my.. err Stan's he gets knockity-kneed.

 

What should  Stan do?

 

Sincerly yours,

Not Stan :D

 

 

What in the holy fuck are you talking about you sheep poker? LAMB? That shits delicious, when it's skinned and roasted and served up with some gravy. However, I gather that you're not interested in food, only into bestiality, but UNDERAGED bestiality at that you freak. And you named the damn thing STAN?!?! Lemme get this straight sicko, you like furry...little...dudes. You fucking weirdo.

 

Secret Fortune You will be assaulted by bears.

 

Lucky Numbers: 90210

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Is SuperE a cockblocker?

 

 

Yes. Yes she is. She blocks cocks and diverts them on a detour route that takes them straight to her. That ho. Now stop asking questions about other people so they won't get wise to the fact that you're gay LA Woman.

 

 

Secret Fortune You're future is with a guy named "Moe."

 

Luck Numbers: 69

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Will I ever win the lottery? And if so, what numbers should I play?

 

 

If it's a lottery for asskickings: YOU WIN asshole. You will have your ass kicked more often than anyone else on the planet. But you'll never have any money, cuz even if you did get some, you'd probably just spend it on 1-900 numbers...and tissues. What numbers should you play eh? So you're looking for a tip Mr. Rosie Palm? Here's a tip: use vicks vapo rub next time you get friendly with yourself. The laughs I'd get out of that would just about make my week.

 

 

Secret Fortune The burning goes away...eventually.

 

Lucky Numbers: nope.

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TulipO

 

Whats with the 'O' at the end of your name? Is it because you saw the advert for Overstock.com and they say "its all about the O"?

 

 

'O' is for OUT-FUCKING-STANDING...or Oragsmic, or...wait a minute, why the hell am I dignifying this with an answer?! Overstock.com? Is that where you go for emergency help when you've "overstocked" a sheep or two, and have contracted something weird. or downright painful? You Brits and your predisposition toward bestiality. Hey maybe if you guys stopped having your mothers sleep in the barns, you wouldn't keep having this confusion...if it IS confusion... :D

 

Secret Fortune Anti-biotics and some cream might take care of your problem.

 

Lucky Numbers: 2 1/2

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Why did you call me a ho?

 

 

Oh WHAT? I need FACTS to back up my insults now?! Damn, okay SuperE. I'll ammend my statement. You are a WHINY ho. Or a...lawyerly...ho. Either way cupcake, you're still a ho.

 

 

Secret Fortune Mmmm...cupcakes.

 

Lucky Numbers: 2, 4, 10

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Why is SuperE a ho?

 

 

I think in your case, a more pertinent question might be "Why did you call me gay?" Now, go give yourself a dirty sanchez, and shut the hell up. No one cares what you think.

 

 

Secret Fortune Man-love is all you need.

 

Lucky Numbers: 508 420 3493

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Which is why I asked what you think.

 

How many times a day is too many for spanking one's monkey?

 

 

:D 4. Now have you wasted quite enough of my time? You force me to be arbitrary at every turn. You should eat poo for that. Bear poo.

 

 

Secret Fortune I see a trip to the zoo in your near future.

 

Lucky Numbers: 4. Use it or lose it pal.

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Dear Tu,

 

Why are the ho's all up ons?

 

Sincerely, the nick

 

 

:D Your attempt at literacy is very touching. I imagine you're trying to ask me why so many females hit on you. I believe that you may have followed the advice I've dispensed to other members and swallowed some liquid draino. This has caused brain damage...which is pretty hilarious. I didn't think your brain could get anymore damaged. Also, you're delusional all the time. First he thinks he's a samurai, then a ninja, then a cowboy, and now he thinks he's like attractive to the opposite sex or something. :D Seriously dude, if you ave any draino left, just finish the job.

 

Secret Fortune I didn't swaer once in this ass-kicking. What the FUCK is the world coming to?

 

Lucky Numbers: .876

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TulipO - How does it feel to be the proud proprietor of 7 pages of wank?

 

 

Oh look who's still mad because we've uncovered his dirty little sheep/mom scandals. You shady little bastard.

 

Secret Fortune Everyone knows.

 

Lucky Numbers: -55

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  • 2 months later...

TulipO, Just wanted to send my love from Down Under(and all that implies). Read your thread for the 1st time, and boy it's got me hot(which says a lot 'cause I'm burnt like fuckin' popcorn right now).

 

Just so you know, J.

 

P.S- Tell my secret fortune

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  • 8 months later...
TulipO, who put the 'Bomp' in the 'Bomp, Bomp, Bomp'?

 

Yes. This is back. Because I fuckin' feel like it.

 

 

 

Umm obviously someone with shit for brains. So my first guess would be you. Yeah, you and your gigantic head full of...poo. Now go stuff a few pigs in a blanket with cherry bombs. Ignite. Injest. Fuck off.

 

 

Secret Fortune They're all gonna laugh at you.

 

Lucky Numbers: 4 8 15 16 23 42

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