Ganny McVagflaps Posted February 23, 2005 Share Posted February 23, 2005 Constantine was complete and utter Hulk Cockstantine. Okay, so he wasn't a Liverpudlian, or blonde or with brown trench, but y'know what "High Fidelity" wasn't set in Chicago either so maybe Keanu could pull a Rob Gordon on us. Oh wait...what's that...oh yeah KEANU REEVES EATS MAN ASS, and really it's not just that. Okay, well maybe it is...but I tried and put everything aside, "maybe", said I, "they captured Johnny Boys spirit". Well Keanu can't be blamed for this one. This is all about the script-writers. First of all, bitter old bastard....yeah...he can be, but Constantine is meant to be more of a "Fuck You" wise-ass, than a "Fuck You" bitter old cunt. The character there just wasn't Constantine. The story was all over the place, and you could see how they were definitly going out for a PG-13 no matter what the director has said in interviews of late ("how did you work that one out?", you ask me. "Well luvvies, that'd be the overall lack of fucking swearing.") Also somehow in this world, Chas is now played by a teenager. I thought he was a grown man...also his name seems to be Chas Chandler now as opposed to Frank Chandler, but hey...we don't wanna confuse anyone. Plus anyone reading Hellblazer knows that BIG FUCKING COCK EATING SPOILER RIGHT HERE, THEN AGAIN GOING TO THIS PIECE OF ASSCANDLE MOVIE'LL SPOIL YOUR APPETITE FOR A WEEK, SO WHATEVER.... every one of Constantine's friends doesn't really have a long life expectancy...well all of them except Chas, so the way they killed him (and turned him into somewhat of an expert magician) just boggles the mind. Maybe they didn't want him around for the big Reeves/Weisz kiss at the end (oh...how sweet he's chewing gum). There's also a bollocks PS after the credits where Constantine visits "Chas Chandler's" grave to see him as an angel rise into heaven. Me needs a sick bag stat.... END OF SPOILER, AND BACK TO THE ASS RAPING OF THE PIECE OF COCKSPLASH THAT WAS CONSTANTINE Oh and remember "Dangerous Habits"? Well the screen writer seems to have fucking ass-pissed all over Ennis' work and just said "Hey, lung cancer....nice twist...gives him depth...maybe they'll gimme a Michael Bay flick after this". I will say the exorcism at the start was kinda cool, and generally the special effects looked the part. Otherwise fuck Constantine. Can Garth Ennis' source material ever be put to good use (see this and the Punisher), that's why I hope we NEVER. EVER see a Preacher flick unless Rodriguez is behind the lens. Anyways...sorry tangent..alls I can say now is... ROLL ON PART TWO BITCHES! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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