Jump to content
Hondo's Bar

Basic Instict II

Recommended Posts

Ok, this was forwarded to me, and it was so funny I couldn't help but post it here. SB, I'd really like to hear your view on this review.





By KYLE SMITH (New York Post)




Running time: 112 minutes. Rated R (sex, nudity, violence, profanity, drug use). At the E- Walk, the Lincoln Square, the Kips Bay, others.


INTERESTING factoid I just uncovered, a piece of trivia apparently unknown to the filmmakers who torched $70 million on "Basic Instinct 2": Sharon Stone is 77 years old.


It was 19 hundred and 92 when we last snatched a glimpse - possibly I have that backwards - of Catherine Tramell, the tramp novelist and man-killer. When "Basic Instinct" premiered, Johnny Carson was still hosting "The Tonight Show," Brett Favre had not yet thrown a pass for the Green Bay Packers and Dan Quayle was our vice president.


Again playing Tramell, Stone, 77, begins the movie with a promisingly awful scene in which she speeds through London in a sporty Spyker at 110 mph while - how shall I put this? - manually entertaining herself, aided by a passed-out boy toy in the passenger seat. The scene climaxes with much crashing of glass and spewing of water that is, I think, meant to be symbolic of something.


Tramell leaves her boyfriend in the car, and the car in the Thames, but escapes a murder rap on a technicality. (There were no witnesses because, according to this movie, there are no people in central London at night.)


As hilarious as these opening minutes are, they're all played dead seriously, which makes them that much funnier. As for the rest of the movie, opinion will differ on whether there is camp value. There certainly isn't any other kind.


Tramell enflames the manly parts of a police-hired shrink (David Morrissey, a previously - and henceforth - obscure actor) who works in the "Gherkin Tower," the most prominent member of the London skyline to be erected in many years, the one that reminds you of a Woody (Allen movie, "Match Point") and is already a cinematic cliché. Is any Londoner's office not in this building?


Business booms for local coroners, but the shrink withholds evidence from cops and tramples on crime scenes because he's dumbstruck with lust for Tramell. Never mind that he already has a certifiably hot girlfriend who is not on the AARP mailing list, or that Catherine shows signs of wanting to either frame him for murder or at very least kill all of his friends and acquaintances. From the moment she strolls into his office and says, "So, is this where we're gonna do it?" he's obsessed. On paper, anyway. On-screen, these two have all the uncaged animal passion of the Liza Minnelli-David Gest affair.


As the ludicrous plot heads for a "twist" that is merely a preposterous coincidence, Stone, 77, drops saucy references to Masters and Johnson (note to readers still in their fertile years: These two were sex researchers whose work was considered a naughty cocktail-party topic when Lyndon Johnson was president); tries to sink into the hot tub but is defeated by the flotation properties of her volleyball breasts (look closely and you'll be able to see the exact spot where the bicycle pump attaches); and rubs her long dewy thighs together. Actually, "dewy" isn't quite the word I'm looking for. Reptilian?


If you're curious as to whether Stone, 77, takes the opportunity to spread her, um, wings as an actress, she doesn't. She just slithers around moaning come-ons in an attempted throaty purr that, if you closed your eyes, would make you think of a female impersonator. Actually, even with your eyes open you might think that, given the comically drag-queeny poses she strikes in, for instance, a halter-top catsuit or a how-many-raccoons-had-to-die-for-this coat. At this point, there are inflatable toys that are livelier than Stone, but how can you tell the difference? "Basic Instinct 2" is not an erotic thriller. It's taxidermy.



Link to comment
Share on other sites

Heh...that was a trip, nice one arch. I still like the Jay Pinkerton one:


Basic Instinct 2: Risk Addiction



A Scotland Yard detective is led into a deadly game of seduction by Sharon Stone, who once agains lets America know she likes showing us her labia. David Caruso and Eric Roberts confound the planet by not co-starring in this piece of shit.



There are cheaper, less publicly humiliating ways to see a sixty-year-old woman show you her pussy in front of strangers. Slip Renee Russo a fiver, for one.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just saw the movie a couple of days ago. It's nowhere near as good, nor as racy as the first one. Also I saw the uncensored promo, and I can tell you, the "threesome" scenes I don't recall them being in the theater version, so I think they were cut from the final release of the movie. That was also a pretty funny article, I gotta admit, I agree on a lot of points made on it. :2T:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 year later...


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...