Baytor's Horror Review Thread

[Iambaytor]

Okay, I'm bored again and I'm sure this thread (like pretty much all the other ones I start/post in that don't involve me saying something controversial) will get no replies but at this point I don't rightly care.

 

So I'm going to review all the horror movies I see as they come (And I lump a lot of darker SciFi movies and Thrillers into the horror genre so if you have a problem with that then kindly raise your hand and place it firmly over your mouth)

 

The only real use I can come up with for this thread is to advise the lot of you on what movies to buy/rent/etc.

 

 

Disturbia

 

2007

 

Starring: Shia LeBeof, Sarah Roemer, and David Morse

 

Other Actors of Note: Carrie Ann Moss

 

Plot Summary: Kale Brecht (Shia LeBeof) gets put on house arrest for slugging his math teacher due to teenage angst

over the teacher mentioning the death of his father, which occurs in the opening scenes during one of the most realistic car wrecks I have ever seen in a movie.

Due to prior convictions he is put on house arrest for his summer vacation. After his mother (Carrie Ann Moss) cuts off his Xbox Live and iTunes and he's tired of watching TV, building towers out of twinkies and the like he decides to start watching the neighbors. It's all routine, husband cheating on his wife with the maid, bratty 9-year-olds watching porn on the cable, hot new neighbor girl getting undressed (Because women routinely get naked in front of an open window in their bedrooms) but one evening he sees that his reclusive neighbor (David Morse) owns a car that just happens to look just like the one reported to be driven by a supposed seriel killer. So Kale and his friend Ronnie (Aaron Yoo) and aformentioned sexy neighbor girl Ashely (Sarah Roemer) investigate into their mysterious neighbor's life trying to catch him in the act.

 

 

Let it first be said that Shia LeBeouf is one of the greatest actors in the last 10 years. He's done a brilliant job in every single movie that he's been in, he seemed to be one of the only good performances in Constantine. I'm glad to see that his career has finally taken off and he's shaking off the curse of the child actor. He is brilliant as Kale.

 

Another one who I feel is Oscarworthy is David Morse as the role of the killer. Anyone who has seen House knows that this guy can play an intimidating asshole, but he really shows his ability as a genuinely creepy and intimidating guy and is one of the most convincing serial killer portrayals I've seen.

 

 

This movie is one of my early nominees for Top Ten Horror Flicks of 2007. It does something that a lot of horror movies don't feel the need to do. It tells a story. Giving some depth to its characters, while not much are given to Ronnie or Kale's mother, you learn a lot about Kale and his relationship with his father and why he turned to the delinquint he is, you learn of Ashley's poor home life and you actually learn to care about these characters. Then finally, once we've gotten into the story it finally turns into horror and it does so in one of the most brilliant ways possible.

 

 

This movie did something that not a lot of horror movies can. It made me feel genuinely scared, not jumpy, not nervous, but actually tense and concerned for the characters. I wasn't sitting in the theatre going "Ha, you're dead!" I was actually worrying about them.

 

It reminded me somewhat of Joe Dante's The Burbs only it's less of a comedy (though it has plenty of genuinely funny moments in the first hour) and more of a drama/romance with undertones of horror that later becomes horror movie in the second half.

 

 

It doesn't try to be a slasher film, it doesn't try to be a Post-modern horror movie ala' Scream. It tries to be a fun, tense, dramatic, and thrilling movie. And it succeeds in all of these regards. I advise that anyone wanting a horror movie that does more than throw a bunch of dipshit college students into a setting and kills them off one-by-one to pick this one up when it comes out on DVD

 

 

This movie has been countlessly compared to Rear Window. And indeed the general plot is the same but to compare a summer movie to the works of Alfred Hitchcock is insulting to both parties. Disturbia is a great film but it doesn't have a leg to stand on against Rear Window.

 

People, nobody is EVER going to equal up to the film quality of Alfred Hitchcok, he's known as the master of suspense for a reason. So pull your pretentious head out of your ass and enjoy the fucking movie.

 

I give it Disturbia a 5 out of 5.

Edited June 7, 2007 by Iambaytor

[Ganny McVagflaps]

Fucking Shia LeBeof. How come he's the NBT and poor Christy Carlson Romano has been thrown aside. I still love you Christy...

 

I had no intentions of ever seeing Disturbia but I'll check out the DVD now. Any takers on the inevitable unrated version NOT coming out?

[Iambaytor]

I don't see it happening, the movie was relatively bloodless and it never really pulled away from any violence that actually did happen. But Unrated is just the horror industry's way of saying "Director's Cut" maybe they'll do a director's cut but this movie is about tension and isolation, not gore effects.

[Ganny McVagflaps]

So, you wanna take the bet? $10 to the losers charity of choice.

 

I say we're getting an unrated version.

[Iambaytor]

I am not betting on Hollywood not taking a route that will net them more money. That's like betting on Snoop Dog not getting high.

Edited June 7, 2007 by Iambaytor

[Ganny McVagflaps]

And to think, they only needed 10 more dollars to complete the new childrens cancer hospital. Oh well, looks like Little Timmy will be back on the waiting list again. I just hope he makes it through the summer.

[Iambaytor]

If we made that bet I might as well just mail you $10.

[Iambaytor]

The Omen ( Remake)

 

2006

 

Starring: Liev Schreiber, Julia Stiles, and Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick

 

Other Actors of Note: Pete Postlethwaite

 

Plot Summary: A passing comet seen by the Vatican observatory priest is seen to be a confirmation of the apocalypse. Robert Thorn's (Liev Schreiber) wife Katherine (Julia Stiles) has lost her baby due to complications and will not be able to become pregnant again, but there is another child in the maternity ward whose mother has died and this is where we first see Damien (Later played by Seams Davey-Fitzpatrick) though why anyone would name their child Damien is beyond me. After an accident, Robert is promoted to Ambassador in London. At 2-year's-old, Damien's nanny (Amy Huck) commits suicide and is replaced with a creepy woman by the name of Mrs. Baylock (Mia Farrow), years later Katherine realizes that Damien is evil and Robert is contacted by Father Brennan (Pete Posthlethwaite) who tells him that Damien is the antichrist and that he needs to destroy him before the child kills his entire family. After the priest dies in a bizarre accident, a photographer Keith Jennings (David Thewlis) show Robert proof what Father Brennan has said, and they travel to Megiddo to learn how to kill him.

 

 

Now I will first start by saying that I thought the origional The Omen was just kind of "meh", it was obviously trying to cash in on the success of The Exorcist which came out 3 years earlier and was honestly a much a scarier movie.

 

However, The Omen is seen as a horror classic in many circles and indeed it did have some genuinely creepy moments. The Omen remake, however does nothing really new, they simply improve the special effects and ad different actors.

 

 

Liev Schreiber does do a very good job as Robert and is an easy character to follow. Of course he doesn't even come close to the performance given by Gregory Peck in the original, but who would.

 

Julia Stiles however looks and acts too young to play the role she is given, it looks and seems like Robert has a teenaged wife.

 

 

Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick in his breakout role does very well as Damien Thorn. Granted as Damien all he really has to do is just walk around with a permanent glare on his face since the kid never talks, but still. He comes across more creepy than Harvey Stephens did in the original. And Mia Farrow also gives a very frightening performance as Damien's overprotective caretaker Mrs. Baylock.

 

Also notable is Pete Posthlethwaite's shortlived performance as Father Brennan even if he is essentially the stereotypical crazy old man that seems to appear in all horror movies.

 

 

Most of this movie is just a color-by-numbers copy of the original, the death scenes are incredible though somewhat reminiscent of the Final Destination movies. But it ads nothing new which is both a benefit and a disservice, seeing as the original wasn't particularly good, neither is this one.

 

 

This movie is essentialy the Omen of 1976 updated with better special effects and worse acting. If you liked the original give it a rent, it's mildly entertaining and it's not the worst thing you can do with an hour and a half of your life. But if you didn't like the original Omen then there's no reason to watch this one and if you haven't seen the old one I advise you pick up a copy for yourself and make your own judgement.

 

I give the 2006 remake of The Omen a 2 out of 5.

 

Edit: Rating was originally 3 out of 5 because I felt my review was too complimentary to give it a 2, nudging from other posters lead me to change my mind back.

Edited December 31, 2007 by Iambaytor

[Ganny McVagflaps]

[Iambaytor]

I take it you were an Omen fan then?

[Jables]

I don't read large bodies of text even if they have pretty pics, but I can't help but notice you gave this peesashit remake 3 out of 5. On what 2 sentence basis do you do so? The first three were brilliant, the fourth basically the 'Jason Goes to Hell' of the set(or jason X if you prefer), and this just a poor copy with wooden performances from two hollywood 2-tiers and an autistic kid. Me? I'd give half a fart.

[Ganny McVagflaps]

I take it you were an Omen fan then?

 

No, rather....

 

you gave this peesashit remake 3 out of 5.

 

...what he said.

 

You pretty much talked about what a piece of shit the original was, how this was a shittier rehased version and then gave it an above average rating. That's like getting tied down and violently buggered against your will and saying "Well, it was probably the worst experience of my life, something I'll never get over...never...but boy did those cocks feel good thrusting into my asshole".

 

From Now on I want your movies rated on a scale of X-Men to X-Men 3, The Omen remake being an obvious X-Men 3 instead of the X-Men that you later rated it. It definitly wasn't an X-Men 2.

Edited June 8, 2007 by Testes McManballs

[Iambaytor]

I don't know, I was going to give it a two but then I thought my review was too complimenting to net that. Works for me, consider it changed. I'm tempted to give it a one, but that's reserved for the worst of the worst (Like House of the Dead bad) and rest-assured, nothing that I feel is worth buying will get anything below a 4

Edited June 8, 2007 by Iambaytor

[The NZA]

ok, i guess i should see disturbia then; baytor, youve been spot-on with hororr thus far, dont let me diown now.

Was curious bout Omen, but i never saw any of the originals....only horror i can think of im excited about is that Cusack Room 1337 or whatever one.

[Iambaytor]

1308, yes I'm eager to see that one, I'ma try to get a review of Event Horizon up later today.

[Iambaytor]

Event Horizon

 

 

1997

 

Starring: Laurence Fishburne and Sam Neill

 

Plot Summary: In the year 2047 a distress call is recieved from a ship known as The Event Horizon, the ship was told to have been destroyed but the ship's creator Dr. Weir (Sam Neill) denies this fact. Translating the distress call they hear the phrase "Liberate' Me'" (Save Me) so they go and find the Event Horizon. The ship was designed to open up an artificial black hole that would take it from one point in the galaxy to another in less than a second. But upon entering the ship, things take a turn for the creepy and it's soon discovered that whatever happened to the former crew was more than a little out of the ordinary.

 

 

I'm not a big fan of Laurence Fishburne, I never have been. Most of the time I think he's just trying a little too hard to seem cool and ends up failing at it. However, I liked him in this movie. He seemed more normal and real, not like the joke he usually is.

 

I don't have much to base Sam Neill's acting in this movie on, I've only seen him in the two Jurassic Park movies he appeared in. But he does very well here, particularly in the last twenty minutes of the film where his dramatic flair really show through.

 

 

So what do you get when you cross Alien, Doom, 2001: A Space Oddysey, Hellraiser, and The Shining? Event Horizon. I was reminded of all of these films/games when watching it, but that wasn't a bad thing.

 

 

If the movie of Doom had been done like this, I actually would have liked it. It's very well done and very suspenseful. The special effects are a bit dated for this day and age but this is easily overlooked.

 

 

The ambience of the derelict spaceship is great and with the exception of a few of the generic cheap shocks, the scares are all pretty good and send chills through you.

 

It's not easy for me to get creeped out by a movie, but for the first time in years I was actually dreading walking out to my truck to drive home last night and I like to never got to sleep. It's genuinely scary.

 

 

The only real shortcomings I feel are that the movie pulls its punches at times. Some of the more brutal deaths are not shown, particularly in the flashes of a hellish dimension we only see brief flashes and while it works at certain parts of the movie at other times it's a bit of a letdown.

 

 

All in all, the good outweighs the bad. Event Horizon is a creepy, chilling, well-made Science Fiction film that ranks right up there with Alien and The Thing. I reccomend you buy this one, a new special edition just came out and it's relatively cheap, I just picked up mine for $10.

 

I give Event Horizon a 5 out of 5

Edited June 10, 2007 by Iambaytor

[The NZA]

agreed, its one of the last scary-ass movies i can think of that i wanted Sen to see. the plot itself didnt strike me as interesting when i heard it, but an old roomate showed it to me and shut my mouth. Great flick.

 

requests, if youre interested: People Under the stairs, Serpent & The Rainbow, uh, Angel Heart? And i should prolly see Jacob's Ladder again.

[Iambaytor]

I have not seen any of those and I've not heard of Angel Heart, I will see if I can dig them up. (And you would have me look for Wes Craven's films... ugh.)

 

I shall see what I can do. I would pick up People Under the Stairs but it comes with Shocker and my desire to see People Under the Stairs is overriden by my realization that Shocker is absolute shit.

[The NZA]

i think i have another suggestion, sir.

[Ganny McVagflaps]

Angel Heart gets 10/10 for Bonet titties.

 

Also Shocker is fucking great.

 

See the shadow of a stranger...turn around and your life's in danger

[Iambaytor]

Shocker was so horrible that it made Scream look like a masterpiece. Hell I think I like both version of The Hills Have Eyes Part 2 better than that piece of shit.

[Ganny McVagflaps]

Scream was great. I remember seeing it when it first came out and I was blown away. Now it just looks shitty 'cause it's so played out.

 

Did you see Hostel II yet?

[Iambaytor]

Oh I saw Scream when it came out, I felt it was played out then as well. No, I haven't seen Hostel 2 but I'll come up with a review once I do.

[alive she cried]

angel heart is a great movie, i don't know if i'd class it as horror though

[Ganny McVagflaps]

Oh I saw Scream when it came out, I felt it was played out then as well.

 

How old were you when it came out? You're what around 18 now, so you woulda been 7.

 

Scream breathed fresh air into a dying genre. Now you look back on it and yes it looks played out, but when it came out there was nothing like it before. Horror had gone stale, it was a dead genre. Then came a plethora of post-Scream self-referential suckfests. This has definitly taken some shine off of it, but still it's a solid film. If some of those PG-13 horror-lite pics they keep coming out with (DAMN YOU THE RING FOR BRINGING THIS ON!) were of it's standard it'd be a better day.