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Posted

If you shoot a hostage taker in the arm it will cause him to drop his gun rather than triggering it into the brains of the beautiful woman/ adorable kid he's taken hostage

  • 9 years later...
Posted

Blow something up and walk away slowly. It'll make you look cooler and not deader/deafer.

 

(My contribution to rez an old thread day?)

Posted

If you're heavily outnumbered in a fight, using martial arts will force them to come at you one at a time, while their friends listlessly shift and circle around, waiting for "an opening".

Posted

All buildings have a ventilation system large enough for the smallest person in the room to easily navigate, and you can get to any other part of the building with it.

Posted

Any gunshot wound is survivable as long as you lean against a wall and grimace for a little bit, smoking also helps. But if you sit down and grimace, you'll be dead within an hour.

Posted (edited)

if you are with a black person, you are 87% less likely to be the one to get killed in any given dangerous scenario. unless you are also black. then good luck with that.

Edited by La Lindsay
Posted

it doesnt matter that he ate your family and wears them for a hat. it doesn't matter that he seems to embody some malevolent demonic force or something. it doesn't matter that he's down long enough to remove his head and be done with this living nightmare...no, you knocked him out good, so that's that. feel free to breathe a sigh of relief and turn your back knowing everything's gonna be alright.

Posted

Car keys become very slippery and confusing in tense situations, and I'm the only person on the planet that just pushes the button on my keychain. In addition, even the most well maintained vehicle will not start on the first crank.

Posted

Cops just are plain bad at their jobs.

 

Mostly. The ones that aren't will be suspended or thrown off the case (which they will obsessively work on in their own time) or be given 48 hours to solve a grisly string of murders.

Posted

Mostly. The ones that aren't will be suspended or thrown off the case (which they will obsessively work on in their own time) or be given 48 hours to solve a grisly string of murders.

 

...and you'll be training a rookie detective during your last week on the job since you're retiring and all.

Posted (edited)

^ in which you'll probably die from a fatal gunshot wound trying to save the poor bastard... or he dies trying to save you. Either way someone dies. and not before spouting a thought filled, tearful monologue.

Edited by axel_napalm
Posted

Of these 19 life lessons we've all taken from movies, 16 are from action movies. One's from horror movies, another's from romantic comedies and the last one is just about how physically fit everyone is.

 

If you take that down-to-earth, cool, fun, female best friend of yours and just take off her glasses, put some make up on her and put her in a dress instead of a t-shirt and jeans, you'll see she was beautiful all along!

Posted

If there's a serial killer on the loose than the local authorities will blame it on some wild animal, usually a bear. But if you're dealing with a killer animal espcially a bear then "no bear would do that" and it's obviously a serial killer.

Posted

likewise, if anyone ever flatlines from blood loss, electroshock therapy (any amount will do) will revive them, and they'll be cracking jokes about the situation in minutes.

 

 

editor's note: if you ever somehow find yourself in this position, no amount of electricity will save anyone ever, just so you know

 

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