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To old to be a hardcore gamer?


The NZA
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so here's a fun list.

 

You used to play videogames all night. Your Quake prowess was unmatched; your skills at Command & Conquer unparalleled. You have a gaming history that stretches back beyond the PlayStation generation to the SNES, Megadrive, Amiga and ZX Spectrum. You were there at the dawn of gaming.

 

Tick-tock... Time passes. You've quietly come to realise that you're not the hard-core gamer you used to be. Even your Xbox 360 Gamertag seems far too 'sensible'. How do you know that a mid-life gaming crisis is setting in? Watch out for these warning signs…

 

You prefer playing against the computer

 

Online gaming against real people has become depressing – it exposes your faded, spoon-sharp reflexes and you abhor the trash-talk from 12-year old fanboys. You prefer playing offline against the computer because a game's algorithms are slightly more predictable. And, once you master the scripted patterns of play, you stand a real chance of being good… of actually winning. And that feels great, doesn't it? Ranking second-bottom on a multiplayer leader board doesn't.

 

You only play when your girlfriend is out

 

Because you only have one high-def TV and to play videogames on it while she's at home is 'selfish' and not something the two of you can do 'together'.

 

You believe that winning isn't everything

 

It's the taking part that counts. Obviously. And that's not because you're not good at games. You are. But you've found that there's more to life than spending five hours every night killing all of the Templars in Assassin’s Creed. The fact that you can't find the last three Templars is irrelevant.

 

It's been days, not hours since you last switched on your console

 

Because things keep getting in the way: TV, movies, books, going out to restaurants, shopping, going down the pub, DIY, dinner parties, the gym, more DIY, your girlfriend/wife/boyfriend [delete as applicable]… oh, and having a job.

 

You’re the oldest person trading in games at GameStation

 

So you lie about why you’re there. "It’s, ahem, my son's birthday. I'd like to trade these in for Guitar Hero please…"

 

You like your Xbox 360 and your PS3 equally

 

Being a more 'mature' gamer means you have more disposable income, so you can afford the luxury of owning a PS3 and an Xbox 360. So you've become the gaming equivalent of the United Nations, calming accepting the virtues of both consoles to the deaf ears of Xbox zealots and Sony fanboys (who simply ignore you and carry on their slanging match regardless). Because when you stare at those side-by-side game comparison shots on CVG, you can't see the difference. Maybe the PS3 palette is lighter… maybe… Of course, your eyesight could be failing…

 

You fondly remember a ‘golden age’ of gaming

 

You lament the current glut of videogame sequels and often talk fondly of an innovative 'golden age' of gaming. You remember Manic Miner, good ‘ol Chuckie Egg and the Ultimate games on the ZX Spectrum. You played Sensible Soccer the first time around on the Amiga, Elite on your mate’s BBC B, and finished Sonic The Hedgehog on the Megadrive. Happy days… But when modernised versions of these gaming classics turn up on Xbox Live, your excitement quickly evaporates. You quickly realise that, by today’s standards, those cherished oldies are now shallow, repetitive and not much fun.

 

You avoid playing on the Wii because it’s too much effort

 

There's no denying that the Nintendo Wii is a revolutionary games machine but… well, it does require a lot of effort. Aren't there times when you just want to slouch into a comfy sofa with a traditional joypad? Times when you can't be arsed with all that wiimote waving and waggling? It's way too energetic – a 20 minute bowling session in Wii Sports is almost akin to a full workout.

 

Your FPS experience consists of spawn, run, die... spawn, run, die... spawn…

 

The reflexes that served you so well in GoldenEye and Quake seem to be two seconds slower than everybody else these days. You think 'fire', 'jump', 'spin', 'run', 'collect spinny power-up', but your fingers press 'fire' (and pause), 'fire' (and pause), 'spin' and… no, I actually meant 'jump', and – oh, I’m dead. Either you're slowing down, or today's hard-core gamerati are faster than you ever were.

 

You find the idea of videogames based on board games perfectly acceptable

 

Anyone for a game of Carcassonne tonight? The wife's out until 10pm and I'll be online after I've had my dinner…

 

You've pre-ordered GTA IV but don't mind if it doesn't turn up on launch day

 

Wednesday's just fine. Really. You're a bit busy at the moment, anyway. In fact, you probably won't get a chance to play GTA IV until the weekend. You're also not bothered by the prospect of downloading the DLC for GTA IV either. You'll never finish the main game anyway.

 

wow, ok, so - i prefer fighting the computer, my FPS sessions often do go that way, i dont mind if the game doesnt show up launch day that often, and i sometimes have nearly equal love for my ps3/x-box, though i lean towards the ps3.

Oh, and im guilty as all fuck of the "golden age of gaming" bit, as anyone that's overheard me drinking & talking to newt/bish late night at one of our get-togethers can attest.

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oh, you dont get away that easy, young'un - you gotta point out the others youre guilty of, specifically!

though, from what i know of you & gaming, that might be the only one. you dont strike me as a pulling-your-hair-out-that-its-not-here-on-launch-day guy necessarily either.

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You prefer playing against the computer

I've always preferred playing against the computer. I don't really care that a racist 9-year old can totally "Skool" me in Halo. I will play against friends and the computer, everyone else can eat a dick. MMORPGs are lost on me, I enjoy playing them, I just don't enjoy being forced to have a party or being forced to play "online" sometimes I just want to enjoy the world all to myself, do a little exploring without hearing "HOW I MINE FOR F1$H?!" That and I like my games to have storylines, MMOs have an empty shell that pretends to be a storyline.

 

You only play when your girlfriend is out

As for number two, not so much. She can live with it or not, at the same time I will turn the TV off if she has something she wants to watch at this very moment in time. But if I hear the "*sigh*This is so stupid" in the words of Dane Cook "Well then you'd better get used to stupid, this is the house that stupid built."

 

You believe that winning isn't everything

Yep, it's all about how much fun getting there is. Sure there's something to be said about being 50 kills ahead of your opponent in Half-Life Deathmatch because he still hasn't figured out how to counter the jumping-out-of-the-shadows-swinging-a-crowbar-manically-and-screaming-like-an-Iraqi strategy yet. But at the same time I enjoy just playing. Doesn't matter who collects the most points or gets the most kills, you had fun, that's what this mediums about. Anyone who's all about winning and nothing more is what's scientifically known as a douchebag.

 

It's been days, not hours since you last switched on your console

At the moment no, I've been hooked on Okami like it was meth cut with black tar heroine and drenched in pure nicotine. But before that I hadn't turned it on for a good two weeks and before that not for a couple months.

 

You’re the oldest person trading in games at GameStation

Not usually. But I have noticed that I've started to be older than the people behind the register and I find this troubling.

 

You like your Xbox 360 and your PS3 equally

Surprise surprise, yes I do. Do I think achievements are 88% pointless? Yes. Do I think the PS3 is as ridiculous looking and useless as the monolith from 2001? Yes. But dammit, I could give a fuck which one I play the Orange Box on.

 

You fondly remember a ‘golden age’ of gaming

See, I always get bullshit called on me on this one due to my age. But I do, I grew up on Pac Man, Dig Dug, the original Mario Bros (not Super Mario Bros. the one before that), Joust, Donkey Kong, Space Invaders, Galaga, etc. Then when I got older I got into the 16-bit stuff, I didn't play the N64 until like a year and a half before the PS2 came out. I've always been behind the grade as it were. Buying my own PS2 a few years back was the equivalent of someone who's always lived in a trailer buying their first house. I was literally in awe of the gameplay and graphics and this was like 4 years ago. I mean it's been around but I rarely catch up to it till later.

 

Your FPS experience consists of spawn, run, die... spawn, run, die... spawn…

Depends entirely on the game. If we're talking Halo and Doom 3, oh fuck yes. But you challenge me to a game of Unreal Tournament I will show you the meaning of pain. I'm pretty kick ass in Half-Life Deatmatch too, but I am far from a very skilled player, I just use aforementioned crowbar kamikaze move which is hard to counter when you're running backwards with the person within inches of being in crowbar range.

 

You find the idea of videogames based on board games perfectly acceptable

Man, I own Hoyle Classic Board Games AND Hoyle Classic Card Games. You all can kiss my ass.

 

You've pre-ordered GTA IV but don't mind if it doesn't turn up on launch day

I'm a fan of Blizzard games, I waited the better part of ten years for WarCraft 3. I have the patience of Buddha.

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I hate you, Nick.

 

Fuck you.

 

This is the 'gee, I'm turning 30 this year, and god damn it my back hurts' so now you have to go out and rub it in EVERYONE'S face and make THEM feel shitty, too.

 

and baytor, you're still in HS, why the fuck are you complaining (couldn't resist, I just couldn't).

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Thank fuck I'm still pro

 

:)

 

Yeah this is a convo Alana and I were having just after leaving the good Dr actually. Less nostalgia and more 'do I really want to be a 30-year-old gamer?'. To branch off into actual discourse(perish the thought)- you other core gamers-what's your stance on the eventual parent trap? Are you gonna raise your kids gamers or what?

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:)

 

Yeah this is a convo Alana and I were having just after leaving the good Dr actually. Less nostalgia and more 'do I really want to be a 30-year-old gamer?'. To branch off into actual discourse(perish the thought)- you other core gamers-what's your stance on the eventual parent trap? Are you gonna raise your kids gamers or what?

 

I would not even leave a child in the same room as me, let alone punish the poor creature by allowing me to attempt to raise it. Plus I just don't have the time to court a female with my busy gaming schedule.

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I would not even leave a child in the same room as me, let alone punish the poor creature by allowing me to attempt to raise it. Plus I just don't have the time to court a female with my busy gaming schedule.

 

I wasn't directing the question at you at all. Everyone who knows you knows your stance on these matters, I was putting the question to say, everyone in the world but you. :P

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You prefer playing against the computer

 

You believe that winning isn't everything

 

It's been days, not hours since you last switched on your console

 

You fondly remember a ‘golden age’ of gaming

 

You've pre-ordered GTA IV but don't mind if it doesn't turn up on launch day

 

shit, i'm pretty guilty too, but how?

i'm only 22.

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hey, this list only counts if you were an avid PC/online gamer and cared (at one point) about leaderboards. I cant see really losing sleep over that till Street Fighter remix comes out this summer or so, so dont take it to heart too much.

i say if you can still finish your games, you're doing good. and yes, potential kids will be raised with comics & games too, but to ensure they dont reach excess.

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Yeah with gaming setting the limit'd be hard though no? As hypocritical as this sounds, the state've games these days and not being able to trust my kids to tell reality from fiction, I'm pretty much raising them with little to no gaming. COmics all the way of course, but I mean, in my situation I was always too poor for the most basic of systems so it's always been a privelidge, not a right, to game for me.

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  • 3 weeks later...

The only ones I'm guilty of...

It's been days, not hours since you last switched on your console

 

Because things keep getting in the way: TV, movies, books, going out to restaurants, shopping, going down the pub, DIY, dinner parties, the gym, more DIY, your girlfriend/wife/boyfriend [delete as applicable]… oh, and having a job.

 

You fondly remember a ‘golden age’ of gaming

 

But yeah, I'm no longer a hardcore gamer. For now anyway. Allz I want now is me statue of my Tier 4 Warlock from WoW for the memories.

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  • 4 years later...

As hypocritical as this sounds, the state've games these days and not being able to trust my kids to tell reality from fiction

 

What the hell kind of waterhead retarded kid do you plan on raising that can't comprehend the difference between a video game and real life? Have you ever met a kid? The only ones with problems in this area are the ones who have issues because their parents always told them they were too stupid to be trusted to not beat an old woman to death with a golf club.

Breaking news: they're gonna be exposed to it anyway. At a friends house or when you aren't looking. They're going to LUST after it and glorify it. Both because you've put in on a pedestal and to prove to themselves that you're wrong.

It sounds hypocritical because it is. Do you remember being a kid? Did Mortal Kombat make you think you could rip out your friend's spine?

You've clearly swilled deep of the bullshit kool-aid. Do not reproduce. I can't stress this enough.

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Heh. Fuckin' mean!

 

Lot've opinions have changed since 08. This does read like a more prudent stance for me though. And reproducing in this environment is irresponsible as fuck anyway. I just want the machines to take over already.

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I'll put in a good word

 

I gotta think at that time I was worried that regardless of my input my child would turn out as retarded as these little fucks wandering around, but then I wasn't confident I could be half of a marriage at that point either, so there ya go.

 

semi-related sidebar: Kind've got hen-pecked half to death for dropping this on the token high school friends on my facebook feed, but I expressed how appalled I was at the lack of accountability these parents were taking in some stupid fucking thing that started from a 'kids say the darnedest things' moment. Their collective stance was something to the effect of 'there's no point offering a child your philosophies or your input on it's upbringing because it's going to learn the most from teachers & friends- which I guess is what I was saying in 08.

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