La Lindsay Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 fuck, mitch hedberg is funny. Click on 'Watch Now' for "Shorties: Mitch Hedberg - Ducks Eat Free" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daytripper Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 Solitude impares your judgement, to the point that you crave a human touch from someone, anyone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 my body is hurting, I was raped by 4 guys last night, and I loved it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eternal Usagi-Chan Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eternal Usagi-Chan Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 Subject: The Wal-Mart doctor One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a lot cheaper than a doctor." So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart." That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9) 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7) 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyLeakyBucket Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 hehe, thats great Read an article the other day about crap American beers coming back into fashion. I've been doing my bit, bought a 12 pack of Schlitz the other day and have been buying Pabst Blue Ribbon when I'm out. The beer sucks but at least I look good when I drink it. Fashion is nothing without pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paulalulu Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 well hey there,for those who dont know Im new!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corporate Cuddles Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 Time is not on my side Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aoi Inu Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 And so I don't remember how I got home last night. I think I was not of sound mind when I was driving... oh well, at least I'm still alive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
defgoddess Posted January 23, 2005 Share Posted January 23, 2005 sigh i wish i could FEEl different!! oh well... can only get better from here. ps high school drama continuing is teh poop0rz. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aoi Inu Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 This just in from the crazy people known as my parents (and a bit of their strange humor): My father says he has warranty to return my mom to her mother due to malfunction and that she's over her mileage. Says he was told by his father that it was a bad idea to marry her but wanted to find out if it was true. My mother says that my father needs a doctor to check his brain because he's not very smart if it took him over 25 years to figure it out. And these are the days of my life... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperEeyore Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 (edited) I wonder if he liked me. I hate no knowing these things. There has to be a way to find out. Edited January 25, 2005 by SuperEeyore Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dante Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 (edited) I love getting good comments from my boss. --------------------- Ever since I started the City of Heroes game up again, I've been dreaming about it. Damn superhero fantasies. Get out! I need to dream about important things. Things that will actually solve my problems in life. Although I guess it's a good signal. Dreaming about useless things maybe denotes that I have no problems. On the otherhand, maybe I'm dreaming about CoH because it is my problem... :( Edited January 25, 2005 by dante Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dante Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 Now they want me to travel on the day that the oral surgeon is supposed to take a look at my teeth. I had to make that appointment a month and a half in advance...maybe he can see me earlier. They need me to get a passport. Plus that particular day is Valentine's Day...ugh. Why do they plan things on holidays that depend on me being near my loved ones? "Hey Adrian, how are you?" I guess he knows my name because it's on a plaque on the door. He never called me by my name before... Wells Fargo apparently thinks my name is Adriam Santaella...well that's probably better than Adrian Santabella Santabella...beautiful saint...but in the feminine form Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eternal Usagi-Chan Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 I woke up today with the biggest pain in my ankle!!! I hate that shit!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
La Lindsay Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 The Brown Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aoi Inu Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 There is no spoon. No hay cuchara. ...I'll learn how to say it in Japanese soon enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dante Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 suppun wa arimasen (i guess) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobitussinEF Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 (edited) \m/ (o O) \m/ Edited January 26, 2005 by RobitussinEF Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dante Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 Estoy unos cuantos mensajes atras de soldado de la fortuna. Debo dejar mas mensajes para poner me en la lista de "Top 10 overall posters". Pero no voy a ganar un premio. Que mierda! Vamos muchachos y muchachas. Ayuden Lindsay Marron a pagar por Hondos. Done unos cuantos pesos. Es para los niños... *sheds a tear* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daytripper Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 wow, a lot of birthdays. I guess mommy and daddy had a lot of fun in the springtimes eh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dante Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 Hot shit coming tomorrow...I'm gonna have to wear a tie....*indifferent* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
La Lindsay Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 you know, the best part about living with the nick , aside from his constant toplesness, would be that his feces quite literally smells like daises and roses. it's wonderful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
La Lindsay Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 well, the above post was the first post from nick at our apartment. unfortunately, the internet is working on my computer and not his. so he's a little bitter. ok, a lot bitter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aoi Inu Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Very cute follow up to the 1st one on the PS2. This is on the gameboy... of course I have it in english. Haven't finished it but I'm already anticipating the 3rd part coming out for PS2 later this year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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