the division of joy Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 http://www.fmylife.com/ Some of teh tales enclosed here are amazing face palm material. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Hightower Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML Awesome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the division of joy Posted February 13, 2009 Author Share Posted February 13, 2009 Today, I accidentally kicked a child down a set of steps. I work in a kids play area. FML That one nearly had me laugh up some sick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML heh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Signal08 Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Nick, is that the one you sent me a cellphone camera shot of? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HypnotizinChikns Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML HAHAHAhahahaaaaaaaa. I'm going to hell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpunkyMonkey Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 that's funny, i found this website on my birthday last Monday and neglected to post it here... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Hightower Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night was amazing. You took me to places I’ve never been to before. I can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” My name is Rob. We haven’t had sex in two years. FML Damn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archangel Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML ...too soon? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thelogan Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML Dude deserved that one. Blue martians? That's fucking absurd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpunkyMonkey Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Maybe they're hydrogen based! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
La Lindsay Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML Oh, snap! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iambaytor Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Today, my wife and I were driving to the gas station, she let me out before she pulled up to the pumps because I had to buy some things from the store. I returned to see my wife proudly filling the tank. Smiling, she told me that diesel was cheaper than regular gas. We don't own a diesel car. FML I vote this guy deserves it for either A) Dating a Woman from the 1940s or B) Dating a fucking idiot. Honestly, the stupidest, thickest, most simple women I have ever met at least know that much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpunkyMonkey Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 where is diesel cheaper than unleaded??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iambaytor Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 where is diesel cheaper than unleaded??? I'm guessing perhaps Bizarro world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archangel Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iambaytor Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Okay, that dumb shit had it coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iambaytor Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Today, while changing my tampon in the stall of my high school's bathroom, I lost control of the plastic applicator. The blood-covered apparatus shot out like a rocket underneath the stall door. For a moment I thought no one noticed, then the screaming began. FML This should be the opening of a book. It could be called "Are You There God? It's Margaret Again... Fuck you." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thelogan Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Today, my wife and I were driving to the gas station, she let me out before she pulled up to the pumps because I had to buy some things from the store. I returned to see my wife proudly filling the tank. Smiling, she told me that diesel was cheaper than regular gas. We don't own a diesel car. FML I call shenanigans on this one. I don't know if it's like this everywhere, but here the diesel pumps have slightly more girth than the unleaded pumps, making them impossible to get into a regular gas tank. I know this because as a teenager I tried and thought I was retarded because I couldn't figure out how to get the gas pump into my gas tank. I soon realized it was a diesel pump and I was retarded for a different reason entirely. And in Bizarro world, I'm pretty sure they drive diesel itself and fill it up with Corollas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iambaytor Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 I call shenanigans on this one. I don't know if it's like this everywhere, but here the diesel pumps have slightly more girth than the unleaded pumps, making them impossible to get into a regular gas tank. I know this because as a teenager I tried and thought I was retarded because I couldn't figure out how to get the gas pump into my gas tank. I soon realized it was a diesel pump and I was retarded for a different reason entirely. And in Bizarro world, I'm pretty sure they drive diesel itself and fill it up with Corollas. Okay maybe not Bizarro world, but at least Soviet Russia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the division of joy Posted March 6, 2009 Author Share Posted March 6, 2009 Diesel is cheaper than normal petrol over in europe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpunkyMonkey Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 Ah, ok... here it's like $1 more from everywhere i've seen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aartemys Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 I know this because as a teenager I tried and thought I was retarded because I couldn't figure out how to get the gas pump into my gas tank. I soon realized it was a diesel pump and I was retarded for a different reason entirely. Okay, I just want to let you know that you are not the only one. That happened to me the first time I ever put gas in a car... Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and i told the waiter I'll have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, " Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aartemys Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 Today, I got my first tattoo. It was a surprise for my fiance: our names together over a heart. I went home but before I could show him, he said we had to have a 'talk.' Now my ex's name is tattooed on my back. The kicker? Turns out I'm allergic to the ink. FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amynicole Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 ok im addicted. ive read this site everyday for like a week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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