SuperEeyore Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!) 1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. 2. I would not allow this student to breed. 3. Your child has delusions of adequacy. 4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. 5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. 6. The student has a ”full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together. 7. This child has been working with glue too much. 8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell. 9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. 10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week. 11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others. 12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead. These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country: 16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through." 15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while." 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document·" 13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." 12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." 11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?" 10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?" 9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." 8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you ar e drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?" 7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop." 6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." 5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC." 4 "How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?" 3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can." 2 "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail." AND THE WINNER IS.... 1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 Nietzsche Family Circus, doing the best it can with a horrible thing. And im not talking about Nietzsche here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Signal08 Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 great ad for locksmiths Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 prolly shoulda gone in the game parody thread, but... MINESWEEPER: THE MOVIE. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycaon Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 (edited) Mwahahaha! Edited January 7, 2008 by Lycaon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycaon Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 (+ware) I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and(+ware) slowly the driver gets out of the car . . . and you know how you just get sooo (+ware) stressed and life seems to get funny? (+ware) Well, I could NOT believe it . . he was a DWARF! He storms over to my car, (+ware) looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!" (+ware) So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"... and (+ware) THAT'S when the fight started . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycaon Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 On the importance of punctuation: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 Mwahahaha! brilliant, in that it's the meanest game ive yet seen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 british kids know how to run away proper. courtesy of LL & Eli, worth a viewing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperEeyore Posted January 7, 2008 Share Posted January 7, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted January 7, 2008 Author Share Posted January 7, 2008 i just dont get tired of seeing this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jables Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Fuck I wish I could view youtube at work. In other news, watching resident Evil something-or-other(the new one) late at night, then driving home to find the abandoned road you're on flooded, and a car sitting on the side of the road with the horn stuck(but not crashed that you can see) REALLY taxes your good samaritan tendencies, and despite Alana begging me not to get out of the car and 5 minutes of my telling myself it wasn't an elaborate Zombie trap, it turned out some idiot misjudged the depth of the flooding in the road, tried to drive in and ended up getting the car winched out by the cops, who left it on the roadside, and with the water damage the horn got stuck. Eery fucking scenario, but it coulda been worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 maan....everyone told me to get Ninja Turtles on Xbox live arcade, and no one freakin' plays it! i knew i shoulda gotten Streets of Rage 2 or just held out for Rez HD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jables Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 maan....everyone told me to get Ninja Turtles on Xbox live arcade, and no one freakin' plays it! i knew i shoulda gotten Streets of Rage 2 or just held out for Rez HD. :anger; I'll play it with you come next weekend when I has internet again(fingers crossed) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycaon Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 DON'T BELIEVE HIM!!! He's got his fingers crossed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jont Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c...tans_poster.jpg Anyone noticed that someone fixed the image link for that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the division of joy Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 hahaha, thats fucked up, i went back and fixed my original post... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alive she cried Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperEeyore Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 for my wowheads.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycaon Posted January 8, 2008 Share Posted January 8, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted January 8, 2008 Author Share Posted January 8, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whiterasta Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Skeeter: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jont Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 hahaha, thats fucked up, i went back and fixed my original post... To clarify, someone on Wikimedia turned the Meet the Spartans poster into a pile of poop, it has now been turned back into a pile of poop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jont Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 By the way, my finger sure isn't on the throbbing vein of pop culture, what the hell is that giant mechanical ghost thing in the back row of that poster? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the division of joy Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 To clarify, someone on Wikimedia turned the Meet the Spartans poster into a pile of poop, it has now been turned back into a pile of poop. i gathered, i went back and linked the .png off wiki instead of the .jpg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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