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That one took a lot longer to turn up than I thought it would.

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From uncyclopedia, a guide to kitten huffing....


A how to


Kitten huffing is a controversial practice that has recently been growing as a popular and healthy alternative to street drugs. Despite a long history in Western culture, the practice remains largely taboo. Excessive huffing has been known to produce undesirable side effects, including addiction, damaged sinuses, corrupted brains, which may lead to someone thinking they're something they aren't, and, in some cases, death. It is a general rule of thumb that anyone who huffs more than 3 kittens a day is an addict. Veteran huffers often caution against huffing more than a couple kittens per day as overdosing can be very unpleasant and quite dangerous.


The 'cupped hands approach', developed by the Marquess of Queensberry as a remedy for the pain of head injuries sustained while boxing, has come to be the dominant huffing technique in Europe and the Americas. Other techniques are generally avoided by all but expert huffers and even experts tend to avoid techniques involving rolled up dollar bills, as the kittens tend to clog, although other techniques exist.



The Cupped Hands Approach

Obtain a fresh, live kitten.

Cup hands around the kitten's head, leaving a small opening to put your mouth around.

Inhale strongly through the opening until the soul has been completely sucked from the kitten.†

Don't be a dick: recycle. Used kittens may be turned in to a local Kitten Recycling Center or PETA office.

† Make sure you are huffing the correct end of the kitten. In case of emergency be sure to contact your local Poison Control Center.




a short video on the plastic tube method




While less common than the Cupped Hands approach, the Plastic Tube approach is much quicker, although less satisfying.


Obtain a fresh, live kitten

Find a plastic tube or similarly shaped object

Place plastic tube at rear of kitten

Inhale through tube

Call Poison Control



A kitten in huffing bowl




The huffing bowl approach..


Like the Plastic Tube approach, the Huffing Bowl approach has the last steps similar to the Cupped Hands approach. This is the oldest of Huffing Techniques, dating from circa 1126 by King Henry II.


The first three steps are as follows:


Obtain a fresh, live kitten.

Obtain a huffing bowl (for only £9.99 from your local newsagents) and give it a rinse.

Place kitten in bowl.

The fourth step has become lost in the sands of time, yet various estoric sources say a method similar to the Cupped Hands approach used on the tail or nearby, although this is to be seriously doubted



The pre huff stretch when buying pre-bottled kittens






The effects of huffing




While much is still unknown about kitten pharmacodynamics, in a recent breakthrough researchers at the UncycloProject On Drugs discovered that kittens have an inhibitory action at several of the neurotransmitter reuptake pumps; tiny orange kittens can additionally cause neurotransmitter release after entering the axon terminal. The psychopharmacological jargon for this is that regular-strength kittens "fuck you up", while tiny orange kittens "fuck you up real good", according to the researchers.


A cat preparing to be huffed




Some anti-huffing media






In conclusion.... Huff with caution

Edited by the division of joy
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I miss certain from my distant past and my not so long ago past.

People who I felt like we had great conversations and were fun to talk to and hang around... What happened? Where did it thin out at? Why did we let it fall apart, and how did we change?

Am I a good person? If I'm losing people and friends, where did I go wrong? I know I do fucked up shit and make bad decisions, but don't we all? Can't we forgive each other? I forgive a lot of people and give second, third, fourth, and even fifth chances.


Anyways. I miss talking to certain people. That's all. Listening to Boards of Canada gives me these thoughts and nostalgic feelings.


It's raining outside. Cold and wet.


I'm ready for a fight. Let's go!


I'm ready for sleep. Let's do this!


I'm ready for another change. Come on!


Pull yourself together now. That's it.




Now... march!

Edited by MetalHeart
Yeah, that's right.
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