the division of joy Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 Acceptable T.V. Rocks!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archangel Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 Hackintosh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lottie Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archangel Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 From the brilliant mind of Mil Millington: Â ANGRY BED POSITIONS Â ANGRYposition1 Â An '11'. Both performers lie on their backs, right on the very outer edges of their respective sides of the bed. A bit amateurish, frankly. For a start, you have nowhere to wriggle away to in an extra burst of fury, which limits your options terribly - only the most inexperienced performer would allow themselves, right from the off, to take up a position from where they're unable to raise the stakes at all. Worse still, roles are poorly defined - it's easy to forget whether you're meant to be pointedly waiting for an apology or mutely declaring your intention not to apologise this time. More often than not, after under an hour of uninspiring action, you'll end up with the 'I'm not in a mood, you're the one who's in a mood'/'No, I'm not. You are, I'm not in a mood at all,' exchange and everything crumbles into a fiasco. Â ANGRYposition2 Â A position in which one performer is so utterly incensed by the fact that the other could have done that, that it requires spilling over into the third dimension. The vehemently livid party will remain sitting upright in bed, with the light on, glaring fixedly at some point in space and grinding her teeth (occasionally, she may ad lib a few glances down across at her partner, before expelling air from her nose sharply, shaking her head in furious astonishment and turning away again). While this is going on, the performer who did that thing positions himself on his side, facing away, curled into a ball and, basically, tries to keep his nerve. Â ANGRYposition3 Â Â Think of it as a 'K'. One person is in the standard half-'X' shape (facing away) and the other is a rigid 'I'; lying supine, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling. Here you lose points for style if the 'I' person doesn't let out frequent sighs and snorts in an attempt to get the Half-'X'-er to ask, 'Gfff... What is it?' Â ANGRYposition4 Â Â A full 'X' shape, each artiste forming one side of the letter. It's not quite an 'X', though, because the performers are not joined in the middle. That would require bottoms to be touching. None of the Angry Positions allow for any touching of body parts, that would completely ruin them. Sounds are certainly allowed, and in some positions they're pretty much mandatory. No touching, though, ever. The 'X' position is a declaration that both performers are convinced that they have God on their side and is quite often accompanied by abrupt, snatching attempts to achieve duvet hegemony and aggressive, warning displays of pillow straightening. Â ANGRYposition5 Â The riskiest of all the Angry Positions; in 2001 alone, this position caused no less than 217,008 working days to be lost and cost British industry more than intestinal problems and pension fund fraud combined. Angry Position Five requires that one performer march wordlessly out of the bedroom, carrying a pillow. A position is taken up elsewhere in the house. It is most important (and many unpracticed performers fall down here) to relocate to a simply awful site - at the very least a desperately uncomfortable sofa but, ideally, under a thin towel on the hard, freezing floor of the bathroom. The point, you see, is martyrdom. If the performer who departed has judged guilt levels correctly, then they will be rescued before too long by their miserably penitent partner. However, it they have been over-optimistic, they are stuck sleeping there; additionally carrying the galling knowledge that their partner is spread-eagled in glorious opulence across the entire bed. Also, there's a very good chance that when they wake up in the morning their neck will be locked at 30 degrees and nothing but a cold, fizzing sensation remains where their legs used to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archangel Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 Something's crashed on my computer.... Â Â ...Metalheart? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
huntercrow Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 When did you learn Chinese? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alive she cried Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alive she cried Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archangel Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 Stephen Hawkings responds to 'Leave Britney Alone Chris Crocker' Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archangel Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 (edited) Edited October 3, 2007 by archangel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boogie Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the division of joy Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigChiefSlapaho Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 HELP! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted October 7, 2007 Author Share Posted October 7, 2007 War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature, and has no chance of being free unless made or kept so by the exertions of better men than himself. - John Stuart Mill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the division of joy Posted October 7, 2007 Share Posted October 7, 2007 i like to strafe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted October 7, 2007 Author Share Posted October 7, 2007 Bishop, this one's for you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted October 7, 2007 Author Share Posted October 7, 2007 damn you, newt. Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
La Lindsay Posted October 7, 2007 Share Posted October 7, 2007 (edited) Nick in his past life: Â Edited October 7, 2007 by La Lindsay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newtype Posted October 7, 2007 Share Posted October 7, 2007 damn you, newt. You know you love me for it.Nick in his past life: it's funny because it's the truth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newtype Posted October 7, 2007 Share Posted October 7, 2007 Â Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted October 8, 2007 Author Share Posted October 8, 2007 Bol (swahili for "the gulliest one", natch) speaks the truth, even on irrelevant shit.  The worst thing that can happen  Who else is glad to see Kevin Federline got those kids?  I think most of us guys can agree that our worst fear is something bad happening to your junk. (Nullus, and god forbid!) But your second worst fear has got to be getting involved with some broad and having a kid or two, and then come to find out she's a motherfucking psycho hose beast.  Then you gotta to take her to court, and of course the odds are already stacked against you, because you're a guy. It's not enough just to prove that you're a good person (like myself) and you make enough money to make sure the kids can eat (um...), but you've got to prove that living with that insane beeyotch would pose a grave danger to those kids.  Otherwise, you're just gonna end up like the vast majority of men with failed marriages: having to send a shiteload of money to some broad's house to pay for some kids you might only see once a week. And chances are she's probably just using that money to take some other guy to get Endless Shrimp at Red Lobster, while you subsist on a steady diet of lunch meat.  Man, fuck that shit!  With the ridonkulous amount of media attention Britney Spears receives, it should've been obvious to anyone following this case that K-fed should've gotten full custody and also, possibly, payments in order to make sure those kids can continue to live the lifestyle that they've become accustomed to.  I don't even follow celebrity gossip like that, and yet I'm aware of several incidents in which Britney has taken drugs, dropped the poor babies on their heads, beat up K-fed's car with a baseball bat as if she was Jim Brown, had her hoo-hah all in the tabloids while she was out kicking it with Paris Hilton, and all types of shit.  If K-fed wouldn't have gotten those kids, it would have been a grave miscarriage of justice on a par with the Jena Six and the Phil Spector trial. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Senshik Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 agh. i wanna quit my day job. i don't wanna go tomorrow. argh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The NZA Posted October 8, 2007 Author Share Posted October 8, 2007 Lotta weird shit coming out of nintendo's recent sucess. Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend Jax Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 This is not a joke. No one could make this up. Click the image for the amazon.com page: Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
La Lindsay Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 Domestic Abuse No Longer A Problem, Say Female Researchers Add to My Profile | More Videos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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