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Blargh - The Random Thread


The NZA

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Why Parents Go Gray .

 

The boss of a big company who needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper, "Hello."

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked,

"Is your mommy? there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman." Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

 

"No, he's busy", whispered the child. "Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.

 

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

 

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

 

Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated

the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice

replied along with a muffled giggle:

"ME"

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This is getting downright scary! To think all these people voted...and guess who they voted for.

 

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?"

 

When another person jumped in and explained that the sun rises in the East, (and has for some time), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."

 

.... And then she voted.

_____________________________

 

I used to work in technical support for a 24x7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh ... Pacific."

 

.... And then he voted.

_____________________________

 

So my colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the admin. assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."

 

.... And then she voted.

_____________________________

 

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car. It's designed to cut through a seatbelt if she gets trapped.

 

She keeps it in the trunk.

 

.... And then she voted.

_____________________________

 

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought two cases. The cashier multiplied two times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

 

.... And then he voted.

_____________________________

 

I was hanging out with a Republican friend of mine when we saw a woman walk by us with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain.

 

My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?"

 

I had to explain to her that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.

 

.... And then she voted.

_____________________________

 

My girlfriend and I were picking up some sandwiches from the sub place last week and she asked the clerk which one of two sandwiches was better. The clerk didn't have an opinion but did say that the first sandwich was more expensive.

 

My girlfriend got a quizzical look on her face and asked, "If that's the case, why are they both listed with the same price on the menu?"

 

To this, the clerk responded, "I don't think they tax the turkey."

 

.... And then he voted.

_____________________________

 

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.

 

She smiled and told me not to worry because they were trained professionals and I was in good hands.

 

"Now," She asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"

 

.... And then she voted.

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I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people! I hate people!

 

:D

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:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:pimp:

 

Its just one of those days

When you don't wanna wake up

Everything is fucked

Everybody sux

You don't really know why

But want justify

Rippin' someone's head off

No human contact

And if you interact

Your life is on contract

Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker

It's just one of those days!!

 

[chorus]

Its all about the he says she says bullshit

I think you better quit

Lettin' shit slip

Or you'll be leavin with a fat lip

Its all about the he says she says bullshit

I think you better quit talkin that shit

(Punk, so come and get it)

Its just one of those days

Feelin' like a freight train

First one to complain

Leaves with a blood stain

Damn right I'm a maniac

You better watch your back

Cuz I'm fuckin' up your program

And if your stuck up

You just lucked up

Next in line to get fucked up

Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker

Its just one of those days!!

 

[chorus]

 

I feel like shit

My suggestion is to keep your distance cuz right now im dangerous

We've all felt like shit

And been treated like shit

All those motherfuckers that want to step up

I hope you know I pack a chain saw

I'll skin your ass raw

And if my day keeps goin' this way

I just might break somethin' tonight...

I hope you know I pack a chain saw

I'll skin your ass raw

And if my day keeps goin' this way

I just might break somethin' tonight...

I hope you know I pack a chain saw

I'll skin your ass raw

And if my day keeps goin' this way

I just might break your fuckin' face tonight!!

Give me somethin' to break

How bout your fuckin' face

I hope you know I pack a chain saw, what!!...

 

[chorus]

 

:pig::D:D:fuming::fuming::fuming::bravo::angel:

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